Me: I will just relax for a few minutes by playing a mindless game on my phone

Phone: Cool, every 90 seconds you will just need to watch a little animated snuff film featuring a mother and child freezing to death, or a king slowly being crushed against a spiky wall by piles of falling rubble

Crying is kind of cool in the sense that you can think of something sad and then all of the sudden your nose is stuffed

Many people are saying this is the McDonald’s employee who snitched on the backpack shooter.

sorry to the nerds with weird DNA; cilantro tastes good as hell

before coffee: I hate everything

after coffee: I hate everything but nervouser