We've hit the point where a lot of our dystopian sci fi now feels hopelessly optimistic

Every day I'm tempted to give myself a phd

My opening for a comedic talk would be "Hi, my name is Karen Ho, a name ruined by white people twice. For nearly three years, I was the only full-time art crime reporter in America. I know why so many museums are haunted and which paintings were seized from Leonardo DiCaprio by the US government."