Elbridge Colby, UnderSecWar / Yale JD (satire)
@bridgecolbysatire.bsky.social
I'm the Pentagon's head policy guru (chief “undersecretary”) as well as the world’s most brilliant military strategist, cheese aficionado, and debonaire bon vivant. Like a finely aged Gruyère, I'm complex, subtle, and totally awesome. (satire)
POTUS has been showing off some new sketches of his grand vision for the mall. Looks hellah alpha to me!
November 26, 2025 at 10:06 PM
POTUS has been showing off some new sketches of his grand vision for the mall. Looks hellah alpha to me!
November 15, 2025 at 6:55 PM
November 3, 2025 at 6:16 PM
Nah, he’s gonna go shirtless on a horseback like his BFF Vlad.
October 23, 2025 at 7:20 PM
Nah, he’s gonna go shirtless on a horseback like his BFF Vlad.
SecWar Pete would like a word…
October 21, 2025 at 5:24 PM
SecWar Pete would like a word…
Chicago pizza restaurants about to be invaded Texas-style! Wait, is this what SecWar Pete was talking about last week? I kinda zoned out after he told us how he’d get rid of black people and women from the Service…
October 8, 2025 at 4:49 PM
Chicago pizza restaurants about to be invaded Texas-style! Wait, is this what SecWar Pete was talking about last week? I kinda zoned out after he told us how he’d get rid of black people and women from the Service…
Biased media! Here’s an alternative headline: “Alpha-Male SecWR Pete Hegseth Lives up to Promise to Rid Service of Weak Links.” Seriously, how many politicians ever keep their promises!!??
September 23, 2025 at 7:40 PM
Biased media! Here’s an alternative headline: “Alpha-Male SecWR Pete Hegseth Lives up to Promise to Rid Service of Weak Links.” Seriously, how many politicians ever keep their promises!!??
He told yall he was gonna get rid of women in the service. It’s so baffling why he doesn’t get credit for being honest and forthright, unlike so many political figures.
images.fineartamerica.com/images-mediu...
images.fineartamerica.com/images-mediu...
September 23, 2025 at 7:38 PM
He told yall he was gonna get rid of women in the service. It’s so baffling why he doesn’t get credit for being honest and forthright, unlike so many political figures.
images.fineartamerica.com/images-mediu...
images.fineartamerica.com/images-mediu...
People don’t give us senior admin officials enough credit for the dilemmas we face every day. Am I “woke Right” or “based Right”? At game night tonight, do we finally sit Ka$sh down to have a serious talk about his eyes? Which manly alpha’s side am I on when it comes to crushing free speech…
September 20, 2025 at 6:44 PM
People don’t give us senior admin officials enough credit for the dilemmas we face every day. Am I “woke Right” or “based Right”? At game night tonight, do we finally sit Ka$sh down to have a serious talk about his eyes? Which manly alpha’s side am I on when it comes to crushing free speech…
Another one of my good idea fairies!!! I’m proud of this one. “Public order issues” is so awesomely vague we can totally pistol whip all those people with mean signs chanting “shame” and whatever. First Amendment meet National Guard with attitude!
August 25, 2025 at 5:17 PM
Another one of my good idea fairies!!! I’m proud of this one. “Public order issues” is so awesomely vague we can totally pistol whip all those people with mean signs chanting “shame” and whatever. First Amendment meet National Guard with attitude!
I love SecDef Pete (obviously) but I do have to say a lot of his copy reads better in the original German.
(article by @radiofreetom.bsky.social )
(article by @radiofreetom.bsky.social )
July 22, 2025 at 11:09 PM
I love SecDef Pete (obviously) but I do have to say a lot of his copy reads better in the original German.
(article by @radiofreetom.bsky.social )
(article by @radiofreetom.bsky.social )
It’s always about POTUS and SecDef Pete. But what about me!!?? I wanna get rid of the women too!
July 22, 2025 at 11:05 PM
It’s always about POTUS and SecDef Pete. But what about me!!?? I wanna get rid of the women too!
Lindsey Graham does bear a striking resemblance to this bloke…
July 20, 2025 at 2:45 AM
Lindsey Graham does bear a striking resemblance to this bloke…
Hey @nytimes.com I get to sit in on this meeting too! I won’t be at the big boy table but I prefer the backbench (seriously, I do). Lets me compare NATO SecGen Mark Rutte’s side part to mine. He has strong hair for a Euro dweeb…maybe SecDef will give him a noogie.
www.nytimes.com/live/2025/07...
www.nytimes.com/live/2025/07...
July 14, 2025 at 2:17 AM
Hey @nytimes.com I get to sit in on this meeting too! I won’t be at the big boy table but I prefer the backbench (seriously, I do). Lets me compare NATO SecGen Mark Rutte’s side part to mine. He has strong hair for a Euro dweeb…maybe SecDef will give him a noogie.
www.nytimes.com/live/2025/07...
www.nytimes.com/live/2025/07...
The main reason I want the Bove-nator confirmed is that he makes me look like I’m aging way more naturally than my soulless face suggest. My boy Emil is 44 but looks like the Cryptkeeper! I feel like a smooth-skinned boy again when he’s over for Mario Kart and slaps my ass for an Attaboy!
July 13, 2025 at 12:32 AM
The main reason I want the Bove-nator confirmed is that he makes me look like I’m aging way more naturally than my soulless face suggest. My boy Emil is 44 but looks like the Cryptkeeper! I feel like a smooth-skinned boy again when he’s over for Mario Kart and slaps my ass for an Attaboy!
The main reason we in the admin want the Emil-inator confirmed is that he makes the rest of us look like we’re aging way more naturally than our soulless faces suggest. My boy Emil is 44 but looks like the Cryptkeeper! I always feel like a smooth-skinned 18 year old when he’s over for Mario Kart.
July 13, 2025 at 12:02 AM
The main reason we in the admin want the Emil-inator confirmed is that he makes the rest of us look like we’re aging way more naturally than our soulless faces suggest. My boy Emil is 44 but looks like the Cryptkeeper! I always feel like a smooth-skinned 18 year old when he’s over for Mario Kart.
I pwn Lil Marco in the job count. Even the NYTimes says so.
July 11, 2025 at 11:54 PM
I pwn Lil Marco in the job count. Even the NYTimes says so.
#TGIF, amiright? It’s not every week I get my nuts thumped for trying to cut off Ukraine weapons AND stop selling nucular subs to the Aussies. Man, they were pissed. Like, I had the Pentagon dining room send down some shrimp and Foster’s and I did my best Dumb and Dumber “shrimp on the Barbie”….
July 11, 2025 at 4:04 PM
#TGIF, amiright? It’s not every week I get my nuts thumped for trying to cut off Ukraine weapons AND stop selling nucular subs to the Aussies. Man, they were pissed. Like, I had the Pentagon dining room send down some shrimp and Foster’s and I did my best Dumb and Dumber “shrimp on the Barbie”….
I'm sorry, I truly don't get why everyone is in such a tizzy about ICE agents in masks. When I go to Gstaad for my ski trip each year, we all wear masks and no one makes a fuss. Maybe everyone should just eat a little fondue, kick back with Mario Kart, and chill the eff out.
July 10, 2025 at 10:02 PM
I'm sorry, I truly don't get why everyone is in such a tizzy about ICE agents in masks. When I go to Gstaad for my ski trip each year, we all wear masks and no one makes a fuss. Maybe everyone should just eat a little fondue, kick back with Mario Kart, and chill the eff out.
You can block me but you can’t stop me because I’m Bridge Colby, Undersecretary of Defense and towering intellectual powerhouse (w a side hustle in cheese knowledge).
July 10, 2025 at 1:32 AM
You can block me but you can’t stop me because I’m Bridge Colby, Undersecretary of Defense and towering intellectual powerhouse (w a side hustle in cheese knowledge).
This is my typical expression when I discover Deep State operatives trying to send weapons to Ukraine on the DL -- or when someone pairs a nice Camembert with a Cab Sauv. Both are pretty despicable. But hey, who doesn't love a good @drudgereport.bsky.social hit. PS: Seriously, allies schmallies.
July 9, 2025 at 8:53 PM
This is my typical expression when I discover Deep State operatives trying to send weapons to Ukraine on the DL -- or when someone pairs a nice Camembert with a Cab Sauv. Both are pretty despicable. But hey, who doesn't love a good @drudgereport.bsky.social hit. PS: Seriously, allies schmallies.
I have solid intel that @adamkinzinger.substack.com is spreading a nasty rumor that I hate being called "the cheese." Balderdash! I fucking love cheese. Almost as much as I love military strategy and 1990s hair parts. For all the haters out there, prepare to be pwned as I take to the social medias.
July 9, 2025 at 7:07 PM
I have solid intel that @adamkinzinger.substack.com is spreading a nasty rumor that I hate being called "the cheese." Balderdash! I fucking love cheese. Almost as much as I love military strategy and 1990s hair parts. For all the haters out there, prepare to be pwned as I take to the social medias.