Elbridge Colby, UnderSecWar / Yale JD (satire)
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bridgecolbysatire.bsky.social
Elbridge Colby, UnderSecWar / Yale JD (satire)
@bridgecolbysatire.bsky.social
I'm the Pentagon's head policy guru (chief “undersecretary”) as well as the world’s most brilliant military strategist, cheese aficionado, and debonaire bon vivant. Like a finely aged Gruyère, I'm complex, subtle, and totally awesome. (satire)
Maybe Olivia would like to profile me? I have a JD from Yale and wrote the most important book ever written on foreign policy. I also know lots of great hiking spots on the Appalachian Trail…
November 18, 2025 at 2:27 AM
These are just titles from SecWar Pete’s movie collection, or that’s what he always tells us since he’s a self-proclaimed cinephile. Oh wait, now I get it. That’s an alpha move though right?
Malcolm Nance said these sound like the titles of porn movies.
November 16, 2025 at 2:47 AM
Not cool, @politico.com . Yall dump all little ol me but give Mikey N all this positive PR even though he doesn’t have a JD from Yale and didn’t write the most important book on foreign policy ever written like me. What’s a guy gotta do to get recognized for his unparalleled brilliance?
November 15, 2025 at 10:22 PM
November 15, 2025 at 6:55 PM
Sigh, we accidentally fired the guy who usually screws things in around the Pentagon. SecWar Pete also has to mop some floors later because we’re down a few janitors too.
Welcome to the War Department.
November 15, 2025 at 6:30 PM
I’ve finally made it to the big time!!!!

Wait, is this bad? It seems maybe not good…
November 14, 2025 at 5:54 PM
This is an easy one! Don Jr is an expert on all things drone (as well as MarioCary). I’m sure he’ll die it for a few billion, maybe even train them himself…

www.nytimes.com/2025/10/24/u...
November 13, 2025 at 8:17 PM
For real though, it’s not like we’ve been using actual intelligence to find targets. If it’s a boat, and it’s moving, survey says bomb that sucker into oblivion. We’re here to put the “war” in Department of War!
November 11, 2025 at 5:49 PM
SecWar Pete should at least get credit for being consistently, openly, and straightforwardly sexist. The Warrior Ethos is all about honesty and integrity and of course the sine qua non TradWives!
The first woman to serve with the elite SEAL Team Six as a troop commander has had her orders revoked just days before she was supposed to take over a new command.
Pentagon Pete Accused of Ousting Hero Who Was First Female in SEAL Team Six
The Navy captain’s orders were revoked just days before she was supposed to take over a new command.
trib.al
November 11, 2025 at 5:45 PM
Why’s everyone always dumping on SecWar Pete!? I think it’s cool that he’s trying to communicate clearly with all the many, many millennials who run militaries and countries we consider to be adversaries. All these media wags are hellah 6-7 (and probably don’t even know what that means!).
Hegseth: "We are not building for peacetime. We are pivoting the Pentagon and our industrial base to a wartime footing. Building for victory should our adversaries FAFO."
November 7, 2025 at 9:42 PM
Heroes come in all sizes.
We have reached a verdict: Not guilty.
November 6, 2025 at 7:36 PM
I honestly don’t see what the problem is. Germany has excellent cake, and the only thing better than cake is free cake.
NEW: The US Army website for its bases in Bavaria, Germany told its soldiers and employees that it might need to obtain free food from the German government during the US government shutdown.

The Army later altered publication to remove a list of food banks, but we have the original text here:
US Army Tells Soldiers to Go to German Food Bank, Then Deletes It
The initial 'Shutdown Guidance' for the US Army Garrison Bavaria included instructions to go to German food banks.
www.404media.co
November 5, 2025 at 10:48 PM
Look, Mike Lindell comped all us senior Dept of War leaders MyPillows so we threw them a few press badges. The only problem — if you can call it that — is I accidentally told him mine was a little lumpy. Whew boy, DO NOT CALL THEM LUMPY!

m.youtube.com/shorts/u1S1C...
November 4, 2025 at 11:03 PM
We’re actually thinking about making her the Pentagon press secretary. What could possibly go wrong?
I’m not so sure this is going to work out well for Hegseth.
November 4, 2025 at 9:46 PM
Admiral Dong…maybe he needs a rebrand a la the Department of War and Gulf of America!
November 2, 2025 at 8:39 PM
This has everything to do with readiness. Do you know how often tractor tires go flat? SecWar Pete changes at least 35 tires per week. It what allows our fearless military to continue killing unarmed civilians on the high seas!
This has absolutely nothing to do with readiness
November 2, 2025 at 6:50 PM
Finally, a real costume and none of this woke BS! Already ordered one for both me and the Mrs!!!
Presenting: Sloshed Signal Leaking Specter
October 31, 2025 at 1:07 AM
Smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em, amiright!?
Last night Trump directed the Pentagon to start testing nukes again. If that happens, it’ll be the first time the US has detonated a nuke in more than 30 years.

🔗 www.404media.co/trump-orders...
Trump Orders Nuclear Testing As Nuke Workers Go Unpaid
Everyone loses and nobody wins if America decides to resume nuclear testing after a 30 year moratorium.
www.404media.co
October 30, 2025 at 4:40 PM
SecWar Pete has a non-traditional way of motivating senior leaders. It mostly involves pull-ups and beach runs and other skills absolutely irrelevance to long term military planning. Pro tip to three and four star generals: compliment his hair and skin care routine!
October 30, 2025 at 3:26 PM
We might start by testing them in Portland!
BREAKING: Trump directs Pentagon to start testing nuclear weapons
thehill.com
October 30, 2025 at 5:46 AM
If it’s got “war” in its name we senior leaders of the Department of War are all for it. In fact, we’re in the process of changing SecWar Pete’s intro song to the Imperial March because we’re also all about imperialism. And of course extrajudicial killings on the high seas.
Alex Jones’s InfoWars is now part of the new Pentagon Press Corps.
October 23, 2025 at 7:17 PM
The best part about this is Mike Lindell is donating MyPillows to the new press corps! Huzzah, that’s the warrior ethos!!!
Breaking news: The Defense Department announced a “new media” press corps, largely hailing from right-wing outlets, nearly a week after some of Pentagon journalists turned in their press credentials when they refused to sign a new restrictive press policy.
Pentagon announces a new right-wing press corps after mass walkout
A new crop of conservative media and influencers signed an agreement with the Pentagon, including the Gateway Pundit, the Post Millennial, Human Events and the National Pulse.
wapo.st
October 22, 2025 at 6:28 PM
“It’s like Disneyland.” —SecWar Pete

That is hellah alpha compared to sitting in an office and thinking about “strategy” or the “future” or “management of the world’s largest bureaucracy” or “reasons not to fire mortars over freeways.” Hell yeah, dawg, one more set of (non/traditional) pull-ups!
Last weekend, Secretary of War Pete Hegseth was on the beaches of California doing PT with some of America's greatest warriors.
October 21, 2025 at 10:18 PM
SecWar Pete would like a word…
October 21, 2025 at 5:24 PM