Elbridge Colby, UnderSecWar / Yale JD (satire)
@bridgecolbysatire.bsky.social
I'm the Pentagon's head policy guru (chief “undersecretary”) as well as the world’s most brilliant military strategist, cheese aficionado, and debonaire bon vivant. Like a finely aged Gruyère, I'm complex, subtle, and totally awesome. (satire)
Maybe Olivia would like to profile me? I have a JD from Yale and wrote the most important book ever written on foreign policy. I also know lots of great hiking spots on the Appalachian Trail…
November 18, 2025 at 2:27 AM
Maybe Olivia would like to profile me? I have a JD from Yale and wrote the most important book ever written on foreign policy. I also know lots of great hiking spots on the Appalachian Trail…
These are just titles from SecWar Pete’s movie collection, or that’s what he always tells us since he’s a self-proclaimed cinephile. Oh wait, now I get it. That’s an alpha move though right?
Malcolm Nance said these sound like the titles of porn movies.
November 16, 2025 at 2:47 AM
These are just titles from SecWar Pete’s movie collection, or that’s what he always tells us since he’s a self-proclaimed cinephile. Oh wait, now I get it. That’s an alpha move though right?
Not cool, @politico.com . Yall dump all little ol me but give Mikey N all this positive PR even though he doesn’t have a JD from Yale and didn’t write the most important book on foreign policy ever written like me. What’s a guy gotta do to get recognized for his unparalleled brilliance?
November 15, 2025 at 10:22 PM
Not cool, @politico.com . Yall dump all little ol me but give Mikey N all this positive PR even though he doesn’t have a JD from Yale and didn’t write the most important book on foreign policy ever written like me. What’s a guy gotta do to get recognized for his unparalleled brilliance?
November 15, 2025 at 6:55 PM
Sigh, we accidentally fired the guy who usually screws things in around the Pentagon. SecWar Pete also has to mop some floors later because we’re down a few janitors too.
November 15, 2025 at 6:30 PM
Sigh, we accidentally fired the guy who usually screws things in around the Pentagon. SecWar Pete also has to mop some floors later because we’re down a few janitors too.
I’ve finally made it to the big time!!!!
Wait, is this bad? It seems maybe not good…
Wait, is this bad? It seems maybe not good…
Republicans turn on Trump’s defense policy chief
Republicans turn on Trump’s defense policy chief
Administration allies say they are fed up with the Defense Department’s third-most senior leader and his foreign policy surprises.
dlvr.it
November 14, 2025 at 5:54 PM
I’ve finally made it to the big time!!!!
Wait, is this bad? It seems maybe not good…
Wait, is this bad? It seems maybe not good…
This is an easy one! Don Jr is an expert on all things drone (as well as MarioCary). I’m sure he’ll die it for a few billion, maybe even train them himself…
www.nytimes.com/2025/10/24/u...
www.nytimes.com/2025/10/24/u...
November 13, 2025 at 8:17 PM
This is an easy one! Don Jr is an expert on all things drone (as well as MarioCary). I’m sure he’ll die it for a few billion, maybe even train them himself…
www.nytimes.com/2025/10/24/u...
www.nytimes.com/2025/10/24/u...
For real though, it’s not like we’ve been using actual intelligence to find targets. If it’s a boat, and it’s moving, survey says bomb that sucker into oblivion. We’re here to put the “war” in Department of War!
NEWS: The UK is no longer sharing intelligence with the US about suspected drug trafficking vessels in the Caribbean because it does not want to be complicit in US military strikes and believes the attacks are illegal, sources familiar with the matter told CNN. edition.cnn.com/2025/11/11/p...
Exclusive: UK suspends some intelligence sharing with US over boat strike concerns in major break | CNN Politics
The United Kingdom is no longer sharing intelligence with the US about suspected drug trafficking vessels in the Caribbean because it does not want to be complicit in US military strikes and believes ...
edition.cnn.com
November 11, 2025 at 5:49 PM
For real though, it’s not like we’ve been using actual intelligence to find targets. If it’s a boat, and it’s moving, survey says bomb that sucker into oblivion. We’re here to put the “war” in Department of War!
SecWar Pete should at least get credit for being consistently, openly, and straightforwardly sexist. The Warrior Ethos is all about honesty and integrity and of course the sine qua non TradWives!
The first woman to serve with the elite SEAL Team Six as a troop commander has had her orders revoked just days before she was supposed to take over a new command.
Pentagon Pete Accused of Ousting Hero Who Was First Female in SEAL Team Six
The Navy captain’s orders were revoked just days before she was supposed to take over a new command.
trib.al
November 11, 2025 at 5:45 PM
SecWar Pete should at least get credit for being consistently, openly, and straightforwardly sexist. The Warrior Ethos is all about honesty and integrity and of course the sine qua non TradWives!
Why’s everyone always dumping on SecWar Pete!? I think it’s cool that he’s trying to communicate clearly with all the many, many millennials who run militaries and countries we consider to be adversaries. All these media wags are hellah 6-7 (and probably don’t even know what that means!).
Hegseth: "We are not building for peacetime. We are pivoting the Pentagon and our industrial base to a wartime footing. Building for victory should our adversaries FAFO."
November 7, 2025 at 9:42 PM
Why’s everyone always dumping on SecWar Pete!? I think it’s cool that he’s trying to communicate clearly with all the many, many millennials who run militaries and countries we consider to be adversaries. All these media wags are hellah 6-7 (and probably don’t even know what that means!).
Heroes come in all sizes.
We have reached a verdict: Not guilty.
November 6, 2025 at 7:36 PM
Heroes come in all sizes.
I honestly don’t see what the problem is. Germany has excellent cake, and the only thing better than cake is free cake.
NEW: The US Army website for its bases in Bavaria, Germany told its soldiers and employees that it might need to obtain free food from the German government during the US government shutdown.
The Army later altered publication to remove a list of food banks, but we have the original text here:
The Army later altered publication to remove a list of food banks, but we have the original text here:
US Army Tells Soldiers to Go to German Food Bank, Then Deletes It
The initial 'Shutdown Guidance' for the US Army Garrison Bavaria included instructions to go to German food banks.
www.404media.co
November 5, 2025 at 10:48 PM
I honestly don’t see what the problem is. Germany has excellent cake, and the only thing better than cake is free cake.
Look, Mike Lindell comped all us senior Dept of War leaders MyPillows so we threw them a few press badges. The only problem — if you can call it that — is I accidentally told him mine was a little lumpy. Whew boy, DO NOT CALL THEM LUMPY!
m.youtube.com/shorts/u1S1C...
m.youtube.com/shorts/u1S1C...
November 4, 2025 at 11:03 PM
Look, Mike Lindell comped all us senior Dept of War leaders MyPillows so we threw them a few press badges. The only problem — if you can call it that — is I accidentally told him mine was a little lumpy. Whew boy, DO NOT CALL THEM LUMPY!
m.youtube.com/shorts/u1S1C...
m.youtube.com/shorts/u1S1C...
I’d hate to be the guy in charge of this!
Oh wait, that’s me. Dammit.
www.defenseone.com/policy/2025/...
Oh wait, that’s me. Dammit.
www.defenseone.com/policy/2025/...
Pentagon’s policy shop is a ‘Pigpen-like’ mess: Sen. Cotton
Senate Armed Services Committee members from both parties question DOD missteps, actions that contravened president’s foreign-policy positions.
www.defenseone.com
November 4, 2025 at 10:50 PM
I’d hate to be the guy in charge of this!
Oh wait, that’s me. Dammit.
www.defenseone.com/policy/2025/...
Oh wait, that’s me. Dammit.
www.defenseone.com/policy/2025/...
We’re actually thinking about making her the Pentagon press secretary. What could possibly go wrong?
I’m not so sure this is going to work out well for Hegseth.
November 4, 2025 at 9:46 PM
We’re actually thinking about making her the Pentagon press secretary. What could possibly go wrong?
Admiral Dong…maybe he needs a rebrand a la the Department of War and Gulf of America!
Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth spoke with his Chinese counterpart, Admiral Dong Jun, late Saturday on the sidelines of a regional security meeting.
US, China reportedly agree to set up military communication channels
Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth spoke with his Chinese counterpart, Admiral Dong Jun, late Saturday on the sidelines of a regional security meeting.
www.defensenews.com
November 2, 2025 at 8:39 PM
Admiral Dong…maybe he needs a rebrand a la the Department of War and Gulf of America!
This has everything to do with readiness. Do you know how often tractor tires go flat? SecWar Pete changes at least 35 tires per week. It what allows our fearless military to continue killing unarmed civilians on the high seas!
November 2, 2025 at 6:50 PM
This has everything to do with readiness. Do you know how often tractor tires go flat? SecWar Pete changes at least 35 tires per week. It what allows our fearless military to continue killing unarmed civilians on the high seas!
Finally, a real costume and none of this woke BS! Already ordered one for both me and the Mrs!!!
Presenting: Sloshed Signal Leaking Specter
October 31, 2025 at 1:07 AM
Finally, a real costume and none of this woke BS! Already ordered one for both me and the Mrs!!!
Smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em, amiright!?
Last night Trump directed the Pentagon to start testing nukes again. If that happens, it’ll be the first time the US has detonated a nuke in more than 30 years.
🔗 www.404media.co/trump-orders...
🔗 www.404media.co/trump-orders...
Trump Orders Nuclear Testing As Nuke Workers Go Unpaid
Everyone loses and nobody wins if America decides to resume nuclear testing after a 30 year moratorium.
www.404media.co
October 30, 2025 at 4:40 PM
Smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em, amiright!?
SecWar Pete has a non-traditional way of motivating senior leaders. It mostly involves pull-ups and beach runs and other skills absolutely irrelevance to long term military planning. Pro tip to three and four star generals: compliment his hair and skin care routine!
Purges of senior military officers.
If this were happening elsewhere, we'd understand right away what was happening.
It's hard to grasp that it's happening here. But it is...
www.cnn.com/2025/10/29/p...
If this were happening elsewhere, we'd understand right away what was happening.
It's hard to grasp that it's happening here. But it is...
www.cnn.com/2025/10/29/p...
Exclusive: Three-star general pushed out amid tensions with Hegseth | CNN Politics
A three-star general serving on the Pentagon’s Joint Staff has been pushed out of his position following months of sustained tensions with Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth, according to people famili...
www.cnn.com
October 30, 2025 at 3:26 PM
SecWar Pete has a non-traditional way of motivating senior leaders. It mostly involves pull-ups and beach runs and other skills absolutely irrelevance to long term military planning. Pro tip to three and four star generals: compliment his hair and skin care routine!
We might start by testing them in Portland!
BREAKING: Trump directs Pentagon to start testing nuclear weapons
thehill.com
October 30, 2025 at 5:46 AM
We might start by testing them in Portland!
If it’s got “war” in its name we senior leaders of the Department of War are all for it. In fact, we’re in the process of changing SecWar Pete’s intro song to the Imperial March because we’re also all about imperialism. And of course extrajudicial killings on the high seas.
Alex Jones’s InfoWars is now part of the new Pentagon Press Corps.
October 23, 2025 at 7:17 PM
If it’s got “war” in its name we senior leaders of the Department of War are all for it. In fact, we’re in the process of changing SecWar Pete’s intro song to the Imperial March because we’re also all about imperialism. And of course extrajudicial killings on the high seas.
The best part about this is Mike Lindell is donating MyPillows to the new press corps! Huzzah, that’s the warrior ethos!!!
Breaking news: The Defense Department announced a “new media” press corps, largely hailing from right-wing outlets, nearly a week after some of Pentagon journalists turned in their press credentials when they refused to sign a new restrictive press policy.
Pentagon announces a new right-wing press corps after mass walkout
A new crop of conservative media and influencers signed an agreement with the Pentagon, including the Gateway Pundit, the Post Millennial, Human Events and the National Pulse.
wapo.st
October 22, 2025 at 6:28 PM
The best part about this is Mike Lindell is donating MyPillows to the new press corps! Huzzah, that’s the warrior ethos!!!
“It’s like Disneyland.” —SecWar Pete
That is hellah alpha compared to sitting in an office and thinking about “strategy” or the “future” or “management of the world’s largest bureaucracy” or “reasons not to fire mortars over freeways.” Hell yeah, dawg, one more set of (non/traditional) pull-ups!
That is hellah alpha compared to sitting in an office and thinking about “strategy” or the “future” or “management of the world’s largest bureaucracy” or “reasons not to fire mortars over freeways.” Hell yeah, dawg, one more set of (non/traditional) pull-ups!
Last weekend, Secretary of War Pete Hegseth was on the beaches of California doing PT with some of America's greatest warriors.
October 21, 2025 at 10:18 PM
“It’s like Disneyland.” —SecWar Pete
That is hellah alpha compared to sitting in an office and thinking about “strategy” or the “future” or “management of the world’s largest bureaucracy” or “reasons not to fire mortars over freeways.” Hell yeah, dawg, one more set of (non/traditional) pull-ups!
That is hellah alpha compared to sitting in an office and thinking about “strategy” or the “future” or “management of the world’s largest bureaucracy” or “reasons not to fire mortars over freeways.” Hell yeah, dawg, one more set of (non/traditional) pull-ups!
SecWar Pete would like a word…
October 21, 2025 at 5:24 PM
SecWar Pete would like a word…