Bespoke Swears
@bespokeswears.bsky.social
Grumpy old lesbian in small-town Aotearoa. Amateur bagel baker, gardener, bird nerd. Rants about NZ politics, feminism, human rights and evil supermarkets guaranteed. She/her.
$4 BILLION to save 'up to 10 minutes' during peak traffic. Fucking hell - imagine what that $4B could do for housing, education, health, etc, in Aotearoa.
November 16, 2025 at 11:33 PM
$4 BILLION to save 'up to 10 minutes' during peak traffic. Fucking hell - imagine what that $4B could do for housing, education, health, etc, in Aotearoa.
Well this made me laugh out loud, bitterly. Foodstuffs doesn't 'support' suppliers, they run us into the fucking ground. I wonder how many times the sushi supplier asked them if they could put his prices up, and they said no.
November 12, 2025 at 1:31 AM
Well this made me laugh out loud, bitterly. Foodstuffs doesn't 'support' suppliers, they run us into the fucking ground. I wonder how many times the sushi supplier asked them if they could put his prices up, and they said no.
Are they though?
November 11, 2025 at 9:34 PM
Are they though?
If it all goes to plan, these are going to be blueberries one day! 🇳🇿🌿
November 1, 2025 at 10:04 PM
If it all goes to plan, these are going to be blueberries one day! 🇳🇿🌿
Our vet diagnosed Bea with 'garbagitis' this week. She's so bloody proud of herself, the little hoover.
October 31, 2025 at 8:27 PM
Our vet diagnosed Bea with 'garbagitis' this week. She's so bloody proud of herself, the little hoover.
‘Dogs that have never lived in a house finding out about couches’ is my favourite genre of animal photography.
October 31, 2025 at 2:54 AM
‘Dogs that have never lived in a house finding out about couches’ is my favourite genre of animal photography.
Oh my god, National are so fucking out of touch and useless. This is a genuine Facebook post. Over 450 comments and I didn't see anything positive. #nzpol
October 23, 2025 at 11:22 PM
Oh my god, National are so fucking out of touch and useless. This is a genuine Facebook post. Over 450 comments and I didn't see anything positive. #nzpol
I've spent way too much time at work making this gif, to send to a customer who emailed me to express their anger at my use of the word 'Aotearoa'.
This song was released in 1982, and I don't recall any people having fucking conniptions about it. (But I was 6, so maybe I missed it?)
This song was released in 1982, and I don't recall any people having fucking conniptions about it. (But I was 6, so maybe I missed it?)
October 23, 2025 at 12:37 AM
I've spent way too much time at work making this gif, to send to a customer who emailed me to express their anger at my use of the word 'Aotearoa'.
This song was released in 1982, and I don't recall any people having fucking conniptions about it. (But I was 6, so maybe I missed it?)
This song was released in 1982, and I don't recall any people having fucking conniptions about it. (But I was 6, so maybe I missed it?)
What rich eejit in Aotearoa is paying $9 for three over-packaged, imported, pre-shucked pieces of corn?
October 8, 2025 at 2:41 AM
What rich eejit in Aotearoa is paying $9 for three over-packaged, imported, pre-shucked pieces of corn?
Today's queer agenda included:
- getting a trailer load of dirt for the garden
- going to the local Women's Day of Action event in my amazing new hoodie
- grocery shopping
- admiring my ngutukākā
Busy day!
- getting a trailer load of dirt for the garden
- going to the local Women's Day of Action event in my amazing new hoodie
- grocery shopping
- admiring my ngutukākā
Busy day!
September 20, 2025 at 2:21 AM
Today's queer agenda included:
- getting a trailer load of dirt for the garden
- going to the local Women's Day of Action event in my amazing new hoodie
- grocery shopping
- admiring my ngutukākā
Busy day!
- getting a trailer load of dirt for the garden
- going to the local Women's Day of Action event in my amazing new hoodie
- grocery shopping
- admiring my ngutukākā
Busy day!
Jesus H Christ. One of our local councillors has posted on Facebook that he is sad and angry at the murder of Charlie Kirk. Nzpol
Here's a snippet:
Here's a snippet:
![From a Facebook post, by a current local councillor:
I know that may didn’t like him [Charlie Kirk] or his views, but I admired him and the open debate platform he created for many years. I admired his tenacity in pursuing challenging and sometimes uncomfortable open discourse and in defending freedom of speech. Freedom of speech is the one thing I would march in the streets for."
What a cunt.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:luyri773ah7yrorgpdvpk65e/bafkreig3hnwxyyn5yqojusglmabyrdbpnwsljupn2w5v7mrz62owrpzcjm@jpeg)
September 14, 2025 at 9:09 AM
Jesus H Christ. One of our local councillors has posted on Facebook that he is sad and angry at the murder of Charlie Kirk. Nzpol
Here's a snippet:
Here's a snippet:
Spring has reached our wee house, with 12-15 tūī feeding and flapping and fighting in every kōwhai tree. One even tried to bully this chonky bugger but they were having none of it.
September 6, 2025 at 4:50 AM
Spring has reached our wee house, with 12-15 tūī feeding and flapping and fighting in every kōwhai tree. One even tried to bully this chonky bugger but they were having none of it.
Our British dog trainer was most confused/bemused when we told her that our dog knew how to do 'bugger'.
September 3, 2025 at 10:39 PM
Our British dog trainer was most confused/bemused when we told her that our dog knew how to do 'bugger'.
How am I supposed to work when there's a dog chasing rabbits in my office?
August 27, 2025 at 10:20 PM
How am I supposed to work when there's a dog chasing rabbits in my office?
Um, Adidas, I do know what you're trying to say here, but... those two words mean something else entirely 😬
August 26, 2025 at 2:58 AM
Um, Adidas, I do know what you're trying to say here, but... those two words mean something else entirely 😬
Saw a young person in a cafe wearing low rise, wide leg, Roxy-on-the-butt jeans... The clothes of my 20s are now vintage!
<screams in late-40s>
<screams in late-40s>
August 22, 2025 at 10:03 PM
Saw a young person in a cafe wearing low rise, wide leg, Roxy-on-the-butt jeans... The clothes of my 20s are now vintage!
<screams in late-40s>
<screams in late-40s>
What are 34% of respondents seeing as 'good'? Is it just that he's still rich and sorted?!
August 22, 2025 at 6:23 AM
What are 34% of respondents seeing as 'good'? Is it just that he's still rich and sorted?!
I just got an email from Foodstuffs about this, as part of their supplier update. Am thinking about replying with this picture, and just the question WHY THIS GUY?
August 21, 2025 at 12:26 AM
I just got an email from Foodstuffs about this, as part of their supplier update. Am thinking about replying with this picture, and just the question WHY THIS GUY?
Bea doing her best 'bugger' dog, while we wait for the vet to come back with test results. 🐕
August 19, 2025 at 9:17 PM
Bea doing her best 'bugger' dog, while we wait for the vet to come back with test results. 🐕
I saw a branded truck today and now I'll have a certain song in my head for weeeeeeeeeeks
August 15, 2025 at 5:36 AM
I saw a branded truck today and now I'll have a certain song in my head for weeeeeeeeeeks
Removing a declared surcharge on an eftpos machine, so NZ retailers put all their prices up for all customers is ... transparency?
July 28, 2025 at 9:15 PM
Removing a declared surcharge on an eftpos machine, so NZ retailers put all their prices up for all customers is ... transparency?
Sort of tempted to click on this advert on the NZ Herald website. WHAT IF IT'S TRUE?!
July 28, 2025 at 2:32 AM
Sort of tempted to click on this advert on the NZ Herald website. WHAT IF IT'S TRUE?!
Spotify's Throwback Thursday this week is 90s club bangers - sorry workmates, but this is our office soundtrack for the day.
July 23, 2025 at 9:38 PM
Spotify's Throwback Thursday this week is 90s club bangers - sorry workmates, but this is our office soundtrack for the day.