Bespoke Swears
@bespokeswears.bsky.social
Grumpy old lesbian in small-town Aotearoa. Amateur bagel baker, gardener, bird nerd. Rants about NZ politics, feminism, human rights and evil supermarkets guaranteed. She/her.
The person running this zoom meeting just said "can you raise your hand if you can't hear me..." 🤔
February 17, 2026 at 12:10 AM
The person running this zoom meeting just said "can you raise your hand if you can't hear me..." 🤔
Briefly confused by what sort of 'parts' were being advertised in my period tracking app...
February 11, 2026 at 12:19 AM
Briefly confused by what sort of 'parts' were being advertised in my period tracking app...
Reposted by Bespoke Swears
Filmed entirely in Aotearoa, the cast used daily rituals on set like karakia and cleansing as protection from tapu subjects like the historical theft of Toi moko.
MĀRAMA: Using daily karakia to protect the cast from tapu themes
Filmed entirely in Aotearoa, the cast used daily rituals on set like karakia and cleansing as protection from tapu subjects like the historical theft of Toi moko.
www.teaonews.co.nz
February 8, 2026 at 10:33 PM
Filmed entirely in Aotearoa, the cast used daily rituals on set like karakia and cleansing as protection from tapu subjects like the historical theft of Toi moko.
My partner's 104-year-old grandmother died early this morning. From a young age, she believed that greed was the problem for humanity, and she worked hard to build a better world. Unfortunately no cure or solution for greed was found in her lifetime. Go well, M.
February 8, 2026 at 9:57 PM
My partner's 104-year-old grandmother died early this morning. From a young age, she believed that greed was the problem for humanity, and she worked hard to build a better world. Unfortunately no cure or solution for greed was found in her lifetime. Go well, M.
We saw an incredible film this evening, Mārama. Described by the director as ‘Māori gothic’ - its intense, riveting and fairly gory. Loved it!
February 8, 2026 at 9:12 AM
We saw an incredible film this evening, Mārama. Described by the director as ‘Māori gothic’ - its intense, riveting and fairly gory. Loved it!
Tradies are The Worst for this.
February 4, 2026 at 9:04 AM
Tradies are The Worst for this.
It's a quiet day at work, so I'm training Bea to let me put a biscuit on her snout. She is... unimpressed. 🇳🇿🐶
February 4, 2026 at 3:28 AM
It's a quiet day at work, so I'm training Bea to let me put a biscuit on her snout. She is... unimpressed. 🇳🇿🐶
Can someone please tell them that the voters are more scared OF climate change than we are of them campaigning on it?
February 1, 2026 at 9:20 AM
Can someone please tell them that the voters are more scared OF climate change than we are of them campaigning on it?
Fantastic to see a BWB Text finally making the longlist - that series has been punching above its weight for years.
January 28, 2026 at 10:56 PM
Fantastic to see a BWB Text finally making the longlist - that series has been punching above its weight for years.
Tune in next week, when John expands on this with:
"She's just like the most hated woman in the UK. When she dies people will dance on her grave and future generations will celebrate the anniversary of her death."
"She's just like the most hated woman in the UK. When she dies people will dance on her grave and future generations will celebrate the anniversary of her death."
January 28, 2026 at 10:29 PM
Tune in next week, when John expands on this with:
"She's just like the most hated woman in the UK. When she dies people will dance on her grave and future generations will celebrate the anniversary of her death."
"She's just like the most hated woman in the UK. When she dies people will dance on her grave and future generations will celebrate the anniversary of her death."
Gonna go stand outside the Nicola Willis's office with a boombox, a la John Cusack, playing Skunk Anansie's 'Yes it's fucking political'.
January 27, 2026 at 3:12 AM
Gonna go stand outside the Nicola Willis's office with a boombox, a la John Cusack, playing Skunk Anansie's 'Yes it's fucking political'.
"Soft" is an incredibly generous description of sales. How about dead, deceased, non-existent, embarrassingly bad, shocking, awful, terrible, rubbish, close to zero...
January 27, 2026 at 12:53 AM
"Soft" is an incredibly generous description of sales. How about dead, deceased, non-existent, embarrassingly bad, shocking, awful, terrible, rubbish, close to zero...
I reckon ‘decries’ is a bit strong in that headline too. He didn’t even use the word ‘racist’ - it was more like ‘don’t say some stuff in public - keep it to places where people agree with you’.
January 26, 2026 at 3:03 AM
I reckon ‘decries’ is a bit strong in that headline too. He didn’t even use the word ‘racist’ - it was more like ‘don’t say some stuff in public - keep it to places where people agree with you’.
That is awesome news!
January 21, 2026 at 10:22 PM
That is awesome news!
The good news is the speed limit on that stretch of SH1 has been reduced to 80km/hr, at least temporarily, because of 'increased construction traffic'. (Bishop also described it as "a death-trap," so maybe he figured out that increasing the speed then describing it as a death trap wasn't smart.)
January 20, 2026 at 2:12 AM
The good news is the speed limit on that stretch of SH1 has been reduced to 80km/hr, at least temporarily, because of 'increased construction traffic'. (Bishop also described it as "a death-trap," so maybe he figured out that increasing the speed then describing it as a death trap wasn't smart.)
January 2025 – NZTA announces the speed on SH1 near my work will be reduced to 80 km/hr, because of an increase in "increased expressway construction traffic safety".
SUCH EFFICIENCY!
4/4
In closing: I hate these fucking arseholes.
SUCH EFFICIENCY!
4/4
In closing: I hate these fucking arseholes.
January 15, 2026 at 1:55 AM
January 2025 – NZTA announces the speed on SH1 near my work will be reduced to 80 km/hr, because of an increase in "increased expressway construction traffic safety".
SUCH EFFICIENCY!
4/4
In closing: I hate these fucking arseholes.
SUCH EFFICIENCY!
4/4
In closing: I hate these fucking arseholes.
25 July 2025: a person died in a crash and the road was blocked for most of the day. There is no alternative route. The roads were borked.
22 Sept 2025: Chris Bishop is part of a group turning sod on the new expressway, which will bypass Levin. He describes State Highway 1 as ‘a death trap’.
3/N
22 Sept 2025: Chris Bishop is part of a group turning sod on the new expressway, which will bypass Levin. He describes State Highway 1 as ‘a death trap’.
3/N
January 15, 2026 at 1:55 AM
25 July 2025: a person died in a crash and the road was blocked for most of the day. There is no alternative route. The roads were borked.
22 Sept 2025: Chris Bishop is part of a group turning sod on the new expressway, which will bypass Levin. He describes State Highway 1 as ‘a death trap’.
3/N
22 Sept 2025: Chris Bishop is part of a group turning sod on the new expressway, which will bypass Levin. He describes State Highway 1 as ‘a death trap’.
3/N
On 1 July 2025, the current bunch of wankers increased the speed limit to 100km/hr. (Even though public consultation showed that the majority of respondents wanted to keep the lower limit on this road.) All signage and roadmarking was changed.
2/N
2/N
January 15, 2026 at 1:53 AM
On 1 July 2025, the current bunch of wankers increased the speed limit to 100km/hr. (Even though public consultation showed that the majority of respondents wanted to keep the lower limit on this road.) All signage and roadmarking was changed.
2/N
2/N
#nzpol
In January 2022, the speed limit on SH1 between Ōtaki and Levin was reduced from 100km/hr to 80.
Road closures, crashes and deaths were measurably reduced.
1/N
In January 2022, the speed limit on SH1 between Ōtaki and Levin was reduced from 100km/hr to 80.
Road closures, crashes and deaths were measurably reduced.
1/N
January 15, 2026 at 1:53 AM
#nzpol
In January 2022, the speed limit on SH1 between Ōtaki and Levin was reduced from 100km/hr to 80.
Road closures, crashes and deaths were measurably reduced.
1/N
In January 2022, the speed limit on SH1 between Ōtaki and Levin was reduced from 100km/hr to 80.
Road closures, crashes and deaths were measurably reduced.
1/N
A year and a half after it happened too! I know January is often a slow media month, but this seems like not-at-all news.
January 13, 2026 at 7:34 PM
A year and a half after it happened too! I know January is often a slow media month, but this seems like not-at-all news.
I was not expecting to hear a lounge cover of Black Eyed Peas 'I gotta feeling' tonight. And I kinda wish I hadn't.
a man is wearing headphones and has a feeling that tonites gonna be a good night
Alt: a man is wearing headphones. The text reads "I've got a feeling ooohooo that tonites gonna be a good night"
media.tenor.com
January 13, 2026 at 7:57 AM
I was not expecting to hear a lounge cover of Black Eyed Peas 'I gotta feeling' tonight. And I kinda wish I hadn't.
We went to one of the LOTR movies as a work Xmas do (lunch & a movie). It was awesome because we didn’t have to talk to each other AND I got to have a two-hour nap.
January 11, 2026 at 3:52 AM
We went to one of the LOTR movies as a work Xmas do (lunch & a movie). It was awesome because we didn’t have to talk to each other AND I got to have a two-hour nap.