Bespoke Swears
@bespokeswears.bsky.social
Grumpy old lesbian in small-town Aotearoa. Amateur bagel baker, gardener, bird nerd. Rants about NZ politics, feminism, human rights and evil supermarkets guaranteed. She/her.
Are they though?
November 11, 2025 at 9:34 PM
Are they though?
Please don't email a company to say you "love supporting NZ-owned companies, love sustainability, can I have a discount because I want to buy [an unremarkable number of items]?" 🙄
November 10, 2025 at 9:17 PM
Please don't email a company to say you "love supporting NZ-owned companies, love sustainability, can I have a discount because I want to buy [an unremarkable number of items]?" 🙄
Invited people round for a bbq, so now we HAVE to clean the bbq. Genius!
November 7, 2025 at 9:49 PM
Invited people round for a bbq, so now we HAVE to clean the bbq. Genius!
Not looking forward to all the fawning media coverage that Foodstuffs will get for donating just over $300 per store per year to a charity helping families facing hardship.
www.fmcgbusiness.co.nz/fsni-partner...
www.fmcgbusiness.co.nz/fsni-partner...
FSNI partners with the Kindness Collective - FMCG Business
Foodstuffs North Island has announced a new three-year partnership with the Kindness Collective that will see $100,000 contributed each year to support the charity’s programmes and initiatives.
www.fmcgbusiness.co.nz
November 4, 2025 at 12:10 AM
Not looking forward to all the fawning media coverage that Foodstuffs will get for donating just over $300 per store per year to a charity helping families facing hardship.
www.fmcgbusiness.co.nz/fsni-partner...
www.fmcgbusiness.co.nz/fsni-partner...
If it all goes to plan, these are going to be blueberries one day! 🇳🇿🌿
November 1, 2025 at 10:04 PM
If it all goes to plan, these are going to be blueberries one day! 🇳🇿🌿
Our vet diagnosed Bea with 'garbagitis' this week. She's so bloody proud of herself, the little hoover.
October 31, 2025 at 8:27 PM
Our vet diagnosed Bea with 'garbagitis' this week. She's so bloody proud of herself, the little hoover.
I know some NZ politicians who could do with reading the entire BWB back catalogue...
28 October marks Te Pūtake o te Riri, He Rā Maumahara – the national day of commemoration for the New Zealand Wars.
Explore these histories with works by Vincent O’Malley, Hazel Riseborough, Judith Binney & more:
🔗 www.bwb.co.nz/books/history
#TePutakeoteRiri #HeRaMaumahara #NZHistory #Aotearoa
Explore these histories with works by Vincent O’Malley, Hazel Riseborough, Judith Binney & more:
🔗 www.bwb.co.nz/books/history
#TePutakeoteRiri #HeRaMaumahara #NZHistory #Aotearoa
October 27, 2025 at 11:16 PM
I know some NZ politicians who could do with reading the entire BWB back catalogue...
Oh my god, National are so fucking out of touch and useless. This is a genuine Facebook post. Over 450 comments and I didn't see anything positive. #nzpol
October 23, 2025 at 11:22 PM
Oh my god, National are so fucking out of touch and useless. This is a genuine Facebook post. Over 450 comments and I didn't see anything positive. #nzpol
I've spent way too much time at work making this gif, to send to a customer who emailed me to express their anger at my use of the word 'Aotearoa'.
This song was released in 1982, and I don't recall any people having fucking conniptions about it. (But I was 6, so maybe I missed it?)
This song was released in 1982, and I don't recall any people having fucking conniptions about it. (But I was 6, so maybe I missed it?)
October 23, 2025 at 12:37 AM
I've spent way too much time at work making this gif, to send to a customer who emailed me to express their anger at my use of the word 'Aotearoa'.
This song was released in 1982, and I don't recall any people having fucking conniptions about it. (But I was 6, so maybe I missed it?)
This song was released in 1982, and I don't recall any people having fucking conniptions about it. (But I was 6, so maybe I missed it?)
Super impressed myself by correctly using the brickwork term "pointing" today. Then ruined it by saying "that's the right word, aye?"
October 22, 2025 at 4:20 AM
Super impressed myself by correctly using the brickwork term "pointing" today. Then ruined it by saying "that's the right word, aye?"
Someone just emailed to ask if they could use my workplace for a professional nude photoshoot. 😳
a man says that 's a hard pass while wearing a sweater
Alt: David from Schitt's Creek saying "that's a hard pass"
media.tenor.com
October 13, 2025 at 1:27 AM
Someone just emailed to ask if they could use my workplace for a professional nude photoshoot. 😳
What rich eejit in Aotearoa is paying $9 for three over-packaged, imported, pre-shucked pieces of corn?
October 8, 2025 at 2:41 AM
What rich eejit in Aotearoa is paying $9 for three over-packaged, imported, pre-shucked pieces of corn?
Today's queer agenda included:
- getting a trailer load of dirt for the garden
- going to the local Women's Day of Action event in my amazing new hoodie
- grocery shopping
- admiring my ngutukākā
Busy day!
- getting a trailer load of dirt for the garden
- going to the local Women's Day of Action event in my amazing new hoodie
- grocery shopping
- admiring my ngutukākā
Busy day!
September 20, 2025 at 2:21 AM
Today's queer agenda included:
- getting a trailer load of dirt for the garden
- going to the local Women's Day of Action event in my amazing new hoodie
- grocery shopping
- admiring my ngutukākā
Busy day!
- getting a trailer load of dirt for the garden
- going to the local Women's Day of Action event in my amazing new hoodie
- grocery shopping
- admiring my ngutukākā
Busy day!
Jesus H Christ. One of our local councillors has posted on Facebook that he is sad and angry at the murder of Charlie Kirk. Nzpol
Here's a snippet:
Here's a snippet:
![From a Facebook post, by a current local councillor:
I know that may didn’t like him [Charlie Kirk] or his views, but I admired him and the open debate platform he created for many years. I admired his tenacity in pursuing challenging and sometimes uncomfortable open discourse and in defending freedom of speech. Freedom of speech is the one thing I would march in the streets for."
What a cunt.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:luyri773ah7yrorgpdvpk65e/bafkreig3hnwxyyn5yqojusglmabyrdbpnwsljupn2w5v7mrz62owrpzcjm@jpeg)
September 14, 2025 at 9:09 AM
Jesus H Christ. One of our local councillors has posted on Facebook that he is sad and angry at the murder of Charlie Kirk. Nzpol
Here's a snippet:
Here's a snippet:
The 3-tear-old is staying the night and my partner was putting her to bed. All I could hear was "I'm gonna marry [muffled]! I'm gonna marry [muffled]!". Then D said "Well, you've got plenty of time to decide."
It was BURGERS. She wants to marry burgers. 😂
It was BURGERS. She wants to marry burgers. 😂
September 12, 2025 at 7:43 AM
The 3-tear-old is staying the night and my partner was putting her to bed. All I could hear was "I'm gonna marry [muffled]! I'm gonna marry [muffled]!". Then D said "Well, you've got plenty of time to decide."
It was BURGERS. She wants to marry burgers. 😂
It was BURGERS. She wants to marry burgers. 😂
Spring has reached our wee house, with 12-15 tūī feeding and flapping and fighting in every kōwhai tree. One even tried to bully this chonky bugger but they were having none of it.
September 6, 2025 at 4:50 AM
Spring has reached our wee house, with 12-15 tūī feeding and flapping and fighting in every kōwhai tree. One even tried to bully this chonky bugger but they were having none of it.
This has McPhail and Gadsby vibes 😂 #nzpol
What I'd just say to you is, that damn #StraightUpMcAnulty is Bish's kryptonite. I might have to take him on myself.
#LyinLuxon #WorstPMEver #WorstGovernmentEver #NZpol
#LyinLuxon #WorstPMEver #WorstGovernmentEver #NZpol
September 4, 2025 at 2:56 AM
This has McPhail and Gadsby vibes 😂 #nzpol
Reposted by Bespoke Swears
Our defense starts on Wednesday, so let us know if you can come along!
Wellington Pride Festival I Tū whakahīhī e Te Whanganui-ā-Tara
@wellingtonpride.bsky.social
· Aug 17
We need you in the public gallery of the courtroom so we've set up a roster. Slide into our DMs or email tasmin@wellingtonpride.com for info.
Please be aware there's lot of court rules, and may be some very upsetting content.
Can’t make it but keen to support? givealittle.co.nz/cause/wellin...
Please be aware there's lot of court rules, and may be some very upsetting content.
Can’t make it but keen to support? givealittle.co.nz/cause/wellin...
August 29, 2025 at 12:29 AM
Our defense starts on Wednesday, so let us know if you can come along!
How am I supposed to work when there's a dog chasing rabbits in my office?
August 27, 2025 at 10:20 PM
How am I supposed to work when there's a dog chasing rabbits in my office?
Um, Adidas, I do know what you're trying to say here, but... those two words mean something else entirely 😬
August 26, 2025 at 2:58 AM
Um, Adidas, I do know what you're trying to say here, but... those two words mean something else entirely 😬
Oh gods, someone on a local Facebook page is doing a survey to help inform the local government elections:
Do you think we pay too much/not enough/about the right amount in rates?
That’s going to be really, hugely informative and not at all skewed. 🙄🙄🙄
Do you think we pay too much/not enough/about the right amount in rates?
That’s going to be really, hugely informative and not at all skewed. 🙄🙄🙄
August 25, 2025 at 4:21 AM
Oh gods, someone on a local Facebook page is doing a survey to help inform the local government elections:
Do you think we pay too much/not enough/about the right amount in rates?
That’s going to be really, hugely informative and not at all skewed. 🙄🙄🙄
Do you think we pay too much/not enough/about the right amount in rates?
That’s going to be really, hugely informative and not at all skewed. 🙄🙄🙄
Reposted by Bespoke Swears
Join us this Monday night in Auckland!
Shaun Hendy on 'The Covid Response' with Siouxsie Wiles, chaired by Toby Manhire.
📅 Mon 25 Aug | ⏰ 5.30pm doors, 6pm start
📍 Old Government House, 24 Princes St, Auckland
Free public event, no RSVP. Nau mai, haere mai!
www.bwb.co.nz/events/the-cov...
Shaun Hendy on 'The Covid Response' with Siouxsie Wiles, chaired by Toby Manhire.
📅 Mon 25 Aug | ⏰ 5.30pm doors, 6pm start
📍 Old Government House, 24 Princes St, Auckland
Free public event, no RSVP. Nau mai, haere mai!
www.bwb.co.nz/events/the-cov...
August 24, 2025 at 5:30 AM
Join us this Monday night in Auckland!
Shaun Hendy on 'The Covid Response' with Siouxsie Wiles, chaired by Toby Manhire.
📅 Mon 25 Aug | ⏰ 5.30pm doors, 6pm start
📍 Old Government House, 24 Princes St, Auckland
Free public event, no RSVP. Nau mai, haere mai!
www.bwb.co.nz/events/the-cov...
Shaun Hendy on 'The Covid Response' with Siouxsie Wiles, chaired by Toby Manhire.
📅 Mon 25 Aug | ⏰ 5.30pm doors, 6pm start
📍 Old Government House, 24 Princes St, Auckland
Free public event, no RSVP. Nau mai, haere mai!
www.bwb.co.nz/events/the-cov...
Saw a young person in a cafe wearing low rise, wide leg, Roxy-on-the-butt jeans... The clothes of my 20s are now vintage!
<screams in late-40s>
<screams in late-40s>
August 22, 2025 at 10:03 PM
Saw a young person in a cafe wearing low rise, wide leg, Roxy-on-the-butt jeans... The clothes of my 20s are now vintage!
<screams in late-40s>
<screams in late-40s>