@beardownblitz.bsky.social
Reposted
Nation Yearns For Relative Calm Of ‘President A Giant Pedophile’ News Cycle
Nation Yearns For Relative Calm Of ‘President A Giant Pedophile’ News Cycle
WASHINGTON—Expressing deep fondness for those long-gone halcyon days, the U.S. population collectively yearned Tuesday for the relative calm of the “president is a giant pedophile” news cycle. “It was...
theonion.com
January 24, 2026 at 5:00 PM
Nation Yearns For Relative Calm Of ‘President A Giant Pedophile’ News Cycle
Reposted
Tucson’s “I have a bridge shaped like a rattlesnake” has big “I sleep in a bed shaped like a race car” energy (complimentary)
January 15, 2026 at 7:19 PM
Tucson’s “I have a bridge shaped like a rattlesnake” has big “I sleep in a bed shaped like a race car” energy (complimentary)
Reposted
It’s not about drugs. If it was, Trump wouldn’t have pardoned one of the largest narco traffickers in the world last month.
It’s about oil and regime change.
And they need a trial now to pretend that it isn’t. Especially to distract from his sinking under Epstein and skyrocketing healthcare costs.
It’s about oil and regime change.
And they need a trial now to pretend that it isn’t. Especially to distract from his sinking under Epstein and skyrocketing healthcare costs.
January 3, 2026 at 3:34 PM
It’s not about drugs. If it was, Trump wouldn’t have pardoned one of the largest narco traffickers in the world last month.
It’s about oil and regime change.
And they need a trial now to pretend that it isn’t. Especially to distract from his sinking under Epstein and skyrocketing healthcare costs.
It’s about oil and regime change.
And they need a trial now to pretend that it isn’t. Especially to distract from his sinking under Epstein and skyrocketing healthcare costs.
Reposted
It's wild but not surprising that last week the White House was leaning into "these seditious Democrats dared suggest that troops were receiving illegal orders!!!" and this week they are scrambling to figure out who to blame for issuing illegal orders.
December 3, 2025 at 4:00 AM
It's wild but not surprising that last week the White House was leaning into "these seditious Democrats dared suggest that troops were receiving illegal orders!!!" and this week they are scrambling to figure out who to blame for issuing illegal orders.
Reposted
Trump Spends Entire U.K. Trip Trying To Figure Out Where He Knows Prince Andrew From
Trump Spends Entire U.K. Trip Trying To Figure Out Where He Knows Prince Andrew From
LONDON—Claiming that he recognized the member of the royal family, but his memory was hazy, President Donald Trump has spent his entire trip to the U.K. trying to figure out where he knows Prince Andr...
theonion.com
September 18, 2025 at 4:00 PM
Trump Spends Entire U.K. Trip Trying To Figure Out Where He Knows Prince Andrew From
Reposted
Sorry Superman ain't flying around, randomly putting brown people in swamp prisons. That must be hard for you. Thoughts and prayers and whatnot.
July 12, 2025 at 3:07 PM
Sorry Superman ain't flying around, randomly putting brown people in swamp prisons. That must be hard for you. Thoughts and prayers and whatnot.
Reposted
May 5, 2025 at 1:20 AM
Reposted
ICE Agents Wait At Edge Of Delivery Table To Deport Newborn
April 28, 2025 at 9:00 PM
ICE Agents Wait At Edge Of Delivery Table To Deport Newborn
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IRS lawyers advise that what Trump wants to do with private tax information is likely illegal.
They do it anyway.
IRS commissioner resigns (3rd one gone in 3 months).
Hello courts: your turn.
www.washingtonpost.com/business/202...
They do it anyway.
IRS commissioner resigns (3rd one gone in 3 months).
Hello courts: your turn.
www.washingtonpost.com/business/202...
April 9, 2025 at 5:15 PM
IRS lawyers advise that what Trump wants to do with private tax information is likely illegal.
They do it anyway.
IRS commissioner resigns (3rd one gone in 3 months).
Hello courts: your turn.
www.washingtonpost.com/business/202...
They do it anyway.
IRS commissioner resigns (3rd one gone in 3 months).
Hello courts: your turn.
www.washingtonpost.com/business/202...
Reposted
This is really unfair to everyone who just voted for him for the racism.
April 7, 2025 at 12:18 AM
This is really unfair to everyone who just voted for him for the racism.
Reposted
Revised National Parks Webpage Describes Harriet Tubman As Human Trafficker
Revised National Parks Webpage Describes Harriet Tubman As Human Trafficker
WASHINGTON—As the Trump administration continues to alter the version of American history that appears in government publications, sources confirmed Monday that a page on the National Parks website ha...
theonion.com
April 7, 2025 at 8:15 PM
Revised National Parks Webpage Describes Harriet Tubman As Human Trafficker
Reposted
They also have been arguing in court that US laws don’t apply to people sent to El Salvador. So, they are now saying they are willing to send anyone, even US citizens, to El Salvador where they will lose all rights to due process and may be treated however they want, without regard to US laws.
Leavitt confirmed that the WH is working on deporting US citizens to El Salvador
April 8, 2025 at 7:47 PM
They also have been arguing in court that US laws don’t apply to people sent to El Salvador. So, they are now saying they are willing to send anyone, even US citizens, to El Salvador where they will lose all rights to due process and may be treated however they want, without regard to US laws.
Reposted
Heaven Enacts Retaliatory Tariffs On U.S.-Bound Miracles
April 4, 2025 at 3:00 PM
Heaven Enacts Retaliatory Tariffs On U.S.-Bound Miracles
Reposted
Nation Could Have Sworn Russell Brand Was Already Convicted Sex Offender
Nation Could Have Sworn Russell Brand Was Already Convicted Sex Offender
NEW YORK—Stressing that the memory seemed so fresh and vivid in their minds, the confused nation announced Monday that they could have sworn British entertainer Russell Brand was already a convicted s...
theonion.com
April 4, 2025 at 1:50 PM
Nation Could Have Sworn Russell Brand Was Already Convicted Sex Offender
Reposted
Congratulations to Judge Susan Crawford on her victory, and to the people of Wisconsin for electing a judge who believes in the rule of law and protecting our freedoms.
April 2, 2025 at 2:45 AM
Congratulations to Judge Susan Crawford on her victory, and to the people of Wisconsin for electing a judge who believes in the rule of law and protecting our freedoms.
Reposted
Pete Hegseth Blows Into Breathalyzer To Unlock Phone
Pete Hegseth Blows Into Breathalyzer To Unlock Phone
WASHINGTON—Grumbling to himself as he repeatedly dropped the device, U.S. Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth was reportedly blowing into a Breathalyzer Thursday in an attempt to unlock his phone. “Stup...
theonion.com
March 27, 2025 at 3:30 PM
Pete Hegseth Blows Into Breathalyzer To Unlock Phone
BEAR DOWN AND BEAT THE DUKE UNIVERSITY BLUE DEVILS!
March 27, 2025 at 5:56 PM
BEAR DOWN AND BEAT THE DUKE UNIVERSITY BLUE DEVILS!
BEAR DOWN AND BEAT THE UNIVERSITY OF OREGON DUCKS!
March 23, 2025 at 8:12 PM
BEAR DOWN AND BEAT THE UNIVERSITY OF OREGON DUCKS!
BEAR DOWN AND BEAT THE UNIVERSITY OF AKRON ZIPS!
March 21, 2025 at 8:12 PM
BEAR DOWN AND BEAT THE UNIVERSITY OF AKRON ZIPS!
Reposted
KEEP CALLING. PEEL OFF ALL DEM SENATORS YOU CAN.
☎️: (202) 224-3121
Tell them to vote NO on Cloture and NO on CR. Vote is pushed to after 1:15ish for now. Situation is fluid.
The only public YES votes are Schumer and Fetterman. They need 7-8 total. KEEP CALLING.
Call retiring Senators too!
☎️: (202) 224-3121
Tell them to vote NO on Cloture and NO on CR. Vote is pushed to after 1:15ish for now. Situation is fluid.
The only public YES votes are Schumer and Fetterman. They need 7-8 total. KEEP CALLING.
Call retiring Senators too!
March 14, 2025 at 2:59 PM
KEEP CALLING. PEEL OFF ALL DEM SENATORS YOU CAN.
☎️: (202) 224-3121
Tell them to vote NO on Cloture and NO on CR. Vote is pushed to after 1:15ish for now. Situation is fluid.
The only public YES votes are Schumer and Fetterman. They need 7-8 total. KEEP CALLING.
Call retiring Senators too!
☎️: (202) 224-3121
Tell them to vote NO on Cloture and NO on CR. Vote is pushed to after 1:15ish for now. Situation is fluid.
The only public YES votes are Schumer and Fetterman. They need 7-8 total. KEEP CALLING.
Call retiring Senators too!
Reposted
Pete Hegseth Deploys 3,000 U.S. Troops On Beer Run
theonion.com/pete-he...
theonion.com/pete-he...
Pete Hegseth Deploys 3,000 U.S. Troops On Beer Run
WASHINGTON—Declaring the utter lack of alcohol in the Pentagon kitchen to be a “national emergency,” Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth reportedly deployed 3,000 troops American on a beer run Monday. “As of this morning, I have ordered our armed forces to travel to liquor stores, gas stations, and 7-Elevens across the country to stock up on […]
theonion.com
March 8, 2025 at 5:00 PM
Pete Hegseth Deploys 3,000 U.S. Troops On Beer Run
theonion.com/pete-he...
theonion.com/pete-he...
Reposted
I have very few words that are family friendly at the moment. Trump is a draft-dodging coward and a traitor.
March 1, 2025 at 6:18 AM
I have very few words that are family friendly at the moment. Trump is a draft-dodging coward and a traitor.
Reposted
Donald Trump is embarrassing the United States on the world stage. We are a country that stands up to dictators and fights for democracy.
Minnesota stands firmly with our allies in Ukraine.
Minnesota stands firmly with our allies in Ukraine.
February 28, 2025 at 7:17 PM
Donald Trump is embarrassing the United States on the world stage. We are a country that stands up to dictators and fights for democracy.
Minnesota stands firmly with our allies in Ukraine.
Minnesota stands firmly with our allies in Ukraine.
Reposted
So that we're clear about this, the Trump administration is not only doing nothing to deport human traffickers, it has literally gone of out its way to IMPORT human traffickers.
Andrew Tate has left Romania for US by private jet, reports say
Andrew Tate has left Romania for US by private jet, reports say
Self-styled ‘misogynist influencer’ and brother Tristan had been banned from leaving Romania since December 2023
Andrew Tate has left Romania for the US by private jet, according to local reports.
The self-styled “misogynist influencer” is thought to…
www.theguardian.com
February 27, 2025 at 1:38 PM
So that we're clear about this, the Trump administration is not only doing nothing to deport human traffickers, it has literally gone of out its way to IMPORT human traffickers.
Reposted
If you’re siding with Vladimir Putin, you’re wrong.
February 25, 2025 at 5:01 PM
If you’re siding with Vladimir Putin, you’re wrong.