BREAKING: ICE announces it has detained Santa Clause because he entered the country illegally and without documentation.

"Nobody is above the law," said Pam Bondi, "especially communists who just want to give things away."

The older I get, the more my politics mature from childish, naïve beliefs like "the world is complicated and leaders have to make hard decisions" to more serious, adult principles like "hurting people is bad and helping people is good."

Can we get a list of anyone who shows up at Bezos wedding so I know not to buy, watch or listen to any of their sh*t ever again.

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” -Steve Martin

Happy 75th birthday to the #1 reason we should always be grateful to Canada - their greatest export… Mr. Martin Short.

no, there is no Algorithm. it's 34,612 gerbils tap-dancing on a google sheet

CARTOONS OF THE DAY 🫤

(Cartoonists are rallying around @anntelnaes.bsky.social as she leaves the @washingtonpost.com )

I’m always looking for things that explain a lot but that people have a hard time remembering.

Examples: Air is stuff. Pee comes from blood. All land vertebrates have a single common ancestor. Venus is bright enough to cast visible shadows. Clouds are heavy. Bones are alive.

Any others you know?

“Don’t feed the trolls” also extends to bad opinion pieces in papers of record.

They run them bc people react to them the most.

If we stop linking to bad columns and instead post thinkers we find valuable (& generate convo around it), incentives change.

It’s not easy and takes constant practice!

I am Ira Glass

Eating too much cake is the sin of gluttony. However, eating too much pie is okay because the sin of pi is always zero.
🖖

SCREENWRITING AXOIMS FOR A LONG CAREER:

Underpromise, overdeliver.

Don't turn in a 1st draft, it should be at least the 5th.

Don't act emotionally to notes. Digest then respond.

The studio / producers are your partners not your enemy.

Your next job is determined by how you did on your last.

If you are blaming Justin Trudeau for any personal financial misfortune right now, and expect that Pierre Poilievre will suddenly make everything better, I have a TTC rail to sell you.

This is Fred. He just found out he can chew his own ear. There aren't actually any rules against it, he checked. 12/10

A quarter of the bones in your body are in your hands & that's why hands are hard to draw so cut yourself some slack about hands.

Congrats to @bluesky for all the new users

My 2 cents. Find every news source the has an RSS feed or equivalent and create accounts that that show their public deeds on here under @johndoetimesfeed

That way we all get access to news without having to wait for them to create accounts first.

DEMOCRACY CUSTOMER COMPLAINTS DEPARTMENT