Alfalfa Male
@alfalfamale.bsky.social
The embodiment of cartoon physics.
In an alternate reality I was known as Jean Claude Forest.
In an alternate reality I was known as Jean Claude Forest.
Pinned
Alfalfa Male
@alfalfamale.bsky.social
· Jan 12
Shhh. You had me at, "Alfie, when do we get to the Tau Ceti gravitational field?"
Reposted by Alfalfa Male
Last Saturday my little community raised $10,000 for Feeding America, which they turn into 100,000 meals. I run a meme account and have done more for the hungry in this country than the president, who is intentionally starving women and children for no reason.
November 6, 2025 at 2:18 AM
Last Saturday my little community raised $10,000 for Feeding America, which they turn into 100,000 meals. I run a meme account and have done more for the hungry in this country than the president, who is intentionally starving women and children for no reason.
Why do you suspect this "Uncle Sam" bears such a striking resemblance to Jeffrey Epstein?
August 6, 2025 at 9:14 AM
Why do you suspect this "Uncle Sam" bears such a striking resemblance to Jeffrey Epstein?
Welp, they finally suspended me on Twitter. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the content of anything I posted, only that it pissed off some MAGA asshole who didn't want to accept someone actually held that opinion. This should be fun to watch.
August 4, 2025 at 11:27 AM
Welp, they finally suspended me on Twitter. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the content of anything I posted, only that it pissed off some MAGA asshole who didn't want to accept someone actually held that opinion. This should be fun to watch.
So in light of recent reports from the FBI I's like to remind people to keep their eyes and minds open. This is a bombshell story, and there are MAGA level conservatives who are now questioning the last several years of their life.
I'm not saying they deserve to be forgiven but...
I'm not saying they deserve to be forgiven but...
July 7, 2025 at 7:38 AM
So in light of recent reports from the FBI I's like to remind people to keep their eyes and minds open. This is a bombshell story, and there are MAGA level conservatives who are now questioning the last several years of their life.
I'm not saying they deserve to be forgiven but...
I'm not saying they deserve to be forgiven but...
Reposted by Alfalfa Male
My bees are too tame for their own damn good. Here's an actual video of them defending the hive during my inspections.
May 23, 2025 at 12:27 PM
My bees are too tame for their own damn good. Here's an actual video of them defending the hive during my inspections.
*looks at clock*
Is it Friday in California yet?
Is it Friday in California yet?
April 11, 2025 at 10:05 PM
*looks at clock*
Is it Friday in California yet?
Is it Friday in California yet?
Calling all music artists who use BMI or TuneCore. If you currently have, or have had, money trapped in an inaccessible Payoneer account, please repost, like and/or comment here, cause we're starting a class action lawsuit right here, right now.
March 26, 2025 at 9:42 PM
Calling all music artists who use BMI or TuneCore. If you currently have, or have had, money trapped in an inaccessible Payoneer account, please repost, like and/or comment here, cause we're starting a class action lawsuit right here, right now.
These instructions are fuckin insane. Who the fuck is putting together a desk with a submachine gun? And what the fuck is that guy in the corner doing? Is he listening to the wood? Don’t do that asswipe! It’s against the rules!
March 26, 2025 at 9:37 PM
These instructions are fuckin insane. Who the fuck is putting together a desk with a submachine gun? And what the fuck is that guy in the corner doing? Is he listening to the wood? Don’t do that asswipe! It’s against the rules!
I wasn’t boycotting Tesla until I was told I couldn’t. Now… you bet your fuckin ass I am.
March 20, 2025 at 1:55 AM
I wasn’t boycotting Tesla until I was told I couldn’t. Now… you bet your fuckin ass I am.
Don't think that "motivational" horseshit you see literally everywhere online is spam? Try blocking a few of them.
March 3, 2025 at 3:49 AM
Don't think that "motivational" horseshit you see literally everywhere online is spam? Try blocking a few of them.
Hungarian Folk Tales is the shit.
Once upon a time there was a princess. And the princess had a frog. And the frog grew to the size of a horse. And the horse carried the princess into the town where she met a witch. And witch told the princess that was a way to turn the frog into a handsome prince.
Once upon a time there was a princess. And the princess had a frog. And the frog grew to the size of a horse. And the horse carried the princess into the town where she met a witch. And witch told the princess that was a way to turn the frog into a handsome prince.
March 1, 2025 at 4:12 PM
Hungarian Folk Tales is the shit.
Once upon a time there was a princess. And the princess had a frog. And the frog grew to the size of a horse. And the horse carried the princess into the town where she met a witch. And witch told the princess that was a way to turn the frog into a handsome prince.
Once upon a time there was a princess. And the princess had a frog. And the frog grew to the size of a horse. And the horse carried the princess into the town where she met a witch. And witch told the princess that was a way to turn the frog into a handsome prince.
Is it possible the earth is evolving new plant life in response to the changing ecosystem? It makes sense that when old systems of management prove ineffective that new ones are needed.
February 28, 2025 at 6:27 AM
Is it possible the earth is evolving new plant life in response to the changing ecosystem? It makes sense that when old systems of management prove ineffective that new ones are needed.
I heard he's a shitty boss. Go figure.
February 25, 2025 at 11:41 PM
I heard he's a shitty boss. Go figure.
One thing I regret about my youth is never finding out the temperature at which beans become cool.
February 9, 2025 at 6:27 AM
One thing I regret about my youth is never finding out the temperature at which beans become cool.
I would play for you now the most famous song on earth that nobody has ever heard, but then people would have heard it.
January 31, 2025 at 1:18 AM
I would play for you now the most famous song on earth that nobody has ever heard, but then people would have heard it.
If you refer to ANYTHING from the 90s as "retro", you deserve to be shot... With a bow. A crossbow. With flaming arrows, that explode, when they hit stupid stuff, like your face.
January 29, 2025 at 9:41 PM
If you refer to ANYTHING from the 90s as "retro", you deserve to be shot... With a bow. A crossbow. With flaming arrows, that explode, when they hit stupid stuff, like your face.
I would just like to remind everyone that:
Whenever there's trouble, we're there on the double. We're The Bloodhound Gang.
If you got the crime, we got the time. We're The Bloodhound Gang.
This public service announcement painstakingly unearthed on behalf of the Children's Television Workshop.
Whenever there's trouble, we're there on the double. We're The Bloodhound Gang.
If you got the crime, we got the time. We're The Bloodhound Gang.
This public service announcement painstakingly unearthed on behalf of the Children's Television Workshop.
January 28, 2025 at 2:59 AM
I would just like to remind everyone that:
Whenever there's trouble, we're there on the double. We're The Bloodhound Gang.
If you got the crime, we got the time. We're The Bloodhound Gang.
This public service announcement painstakingly unearthed on behalf of the Children's Television Workshop.
Whenever there's trouble, we're there on the double. We're The Bloodhound Gang.
If you got the crime, we got the time. We're The Bloodhound Gang.
This public service announcement painstakingly unearthed on behalf of the Children's Television Workshop.
I'm gonna say this and it's gonna piss some people off, but there is an air of militance here that I just can't gel with. I get it, we're mad, but we're supposed to agree on that. I came here to escape that mess and relax. And I will make whatever adjustments are necessary in order to do that.
January 25, 2025 at 2:02 AM
I'm gonna say this and it's gonna piss some people off, but there is an air of militance here that I just can't gel with. I get it, we're mad, but we're supposed to agree on that. I came here to escape that mess and relax. And I will make whatever adjustments are necessary in order to do that.
If I knock knock and nobody who's there's, I'm just moving to the next fuckin door man. I don't have all day, okay? I'm a traveling joke salesman. I'm not holding you up at your stupid job. But you do bring up a good point. Maybe this laughing thing ain't for you.
January 16, 2025 at 2:19 AM
If I knock knock and nobody who's there's, I'm just moving to the next fuckin door man. I don't have all day, okay? I'm a traveling joke salesman. I'm not holding you up at your stupid job. But you do bring up a good point. Maybe this laughing thing ain't for you.
How does one go about joining the Blue Oyster Cult?
Asking for a friend.
Asking for a friend.
January 13, 2025 at 11:01 PM
How does one go about joining the Blue Oyster Cult?
Asking for a friend.
Asking for a friend.
Shhh. You had me at, "Alfie, when do we get to the Tau Ceti gravitational field?"
January 12, 2025 at 5:04 AM
Shhh. You had me at, "Alfie, when do we get to the Tau Ceti gravitational field?"