His name's not Everett False

Wow. Guy called it 109 years ago.

This is what we should have done with "efficiency experts." From the beginning. Meanwhile they grift agencies and companies for their cash while making everything worse. You want efficiency? Treat employees with dignity and pay them enough to live. They'll do better work when they don't hate you.

Johnny Blaze does TECHNICALLY light himself on fire-but not his whole body, just his head. Not even his whole head, but just his SKULL, only AFTER he removes the skin & meat from his head, with demon/angel-with-extra-steps-MAGIC!

An edgy boy selling his soul to be extra at doing the bare minimum.

Next we'll probably find out that Gwenpool isn't Gwen Stacy OR Deadpool

“No, see, that’s Johnny Storm that sets himself on fire.”

“Ah, so he must be the superhero Firestorm! I’ve heard of him!”

“No, that’s someone else.”

Now I want him to queue up his own battle music with a remix of "Rock Me Amadeus." Or have a crowd yell it to him while he rolls his eyes.

I heard Amadeus Cho isn't even Mozart wtf

It gets worse!

Emma Frost doesn't have ice powers. Bobby Drake has ice powers, not duck powers. Tim Drake (no relation) also doesn't have duck powers--he doesn't have any powers, but goes by Robin, an entirely different bird! The Black Condor *did* have bird-powers, but his name was Richard Gray.

Not a one!

While we're on the subject, Jennifer Kale does not have control over plants, Hannibal King is a middle class guy from Milwuake, Oliver Queen is a straight man, Colleen Wing can't fly but Richard Rider can, and Peter Parker is a horrible driver.

Nick Fury does get angry a bunch, though.

Here's the really wild bit, he's called Johnny *Storm,* but he doesn't have weather powers.

But don't worry, the hero with weather powers is also called Storm.

This means—among other things—the NYT has spent the last ten years whipping up hysteria over trans women being potential dangers to children when they knew an ACTUAL CHILD RAPIST was President.

Trans people don't get a lot of representation media, so we have to make headcanons.

Dems screamed because the Progressive Caucus in the House threatened to vote no on the infrastructure bill over the continual loss of stuff they wanted in the bill.

But Manchin doing the Darth Vader "alter the deal" skit from Robot Chicken was a-okay.