Zack Noyce
@znoyce.bsky.social
Bad jokes. Bad opinions. Bad account.
All of baseball discourse right now:
I am very bothered by the Dodgers stockpiling superstar players like Kyle Tucker (who is, actually, not very good).
I am very bothered by the Dodgers stockpiling superstar players like Kyle Tucker (who is, actually, not very good).
January 18, 2026 at 5:42 AM
All of baseball discourse right now:
I am very bothered by the Dodgers stockpiling superstar players like Kyle Tucker (who is, actually, not very good).
I am very bothered by the Dodgers stockpiling superstar players like Kyle Tucker (who is, actually, not very good).
I really enjoyed this level-headed analysis.
One of ways I like to establish that people need to accept some baseline percentage of vacant properties is simply by saying every occupied housing unit had to be a vacant housing unit for at least one day before someone moved in.
One of ways I like to establish that people need to accept some baseline percentage of vacant properties is simply by saying every occupied housing unit had to be a vacant housing unit for at least one day before someone moved in.
December 17, 2025 at 3:14 PM
I really enjoyed this level-headed analysis.
One of ways I like to establish that people need to accept some baseline percentage of vacant properties is simply by saying every occupied housing unit had to be a vacant housing unit for at least one day before someone moved in.
One of ways I like to establish that people need to accept some baseline percentage of vacant properties is simply by saying every occupied housing unit had to be a vacant housing unit for at least one day before someone moved in.
Utah Legislature's appeal is basically going to be: The judge shouldn't be allowed to do this because the only reason we didn't comply with court orders is because we didn't like them.
www.sltrib.com/news/politic...
www.sltrib.com/news/politic...
‘Every seat counts’: Democrats cheer gerrymandering ruling, as Republicans eye appeal
While Democrats praise a Utah judge's ruling in a yearslong gerrymandering lawsuit, Republicans say the ruling reflects “the arrogance of a judge playing king from the bench.”
www.sltrib.com
November 12, 2025 at 7:24 PM
Utah Legislature's appeal is basically going to be: The judge shouldn't be allowed to do this because the only reason we didn't comply with court orders is because we didn't like them.
www.sltrib.com/news/politic...
www.sltrib.com/news/politic...
"I ask those who are watching this case unfold to retain faith in our judicial system just a little longer" notwithstanding years of public judicial records proving beyond any shadow of a doubt that such faith is unjustified and foolish.
Divided Ninth Circuit panel stays injunction against President Trump’s federalization of National Guard troops in Portland:
storage.courtlistener.com/recap/gov.us...
Judge Graber, who is no firebrand, wrote quite a dissent—encouraging en banc review and some patience on the part of the public:
storage.courtlistener.com/recap/gov.us...
Judge Graber, who is no firebrand, wrote quite a dissent—encouraging en banc review and some patience on the part of the public:
October 20, 2025 at 8:40 PM
"I ask those who are watching this case unfold to retain faith in our judicial system just a little longer" notwithstanding years of public judicial records proving beyond any shadow of a doubt that such faith is unjustified and foolish.
Today I am announcing that I have re-opened the compose page to write a joke about James Comey's pending indictment.
September 24, 2025 at 9:44 PM
Today I am announcing that I have re-opened the compose page to write a joke about James Comey's pending indictment.
Pretty sure it's not a crime anymore when it reaches a certain level of comedy.
August 28, 2025 at 12:34 PM
Pretty sure it's not a crime anymore when it reaches a certain level of comedy.
Reposted by Zack Noyce
there's a reality where manfred accepts that bending over backwards for trump on pete rose got him absolutely no credit and just enabled trump to lean on him more heavily but it's almost certainly not the reality we live in
Donald Trump is now demanding that Roger Clemens be inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame
August 24, 2025 at 6:26 PM
there's a reality where manfred accepts that bending over backwards for trump on pete rose got him absolutely no credit and just enabled trump to lean on him more heavily but it's almost certainly not the reality we live in
Reposted by Zack Noyce
It’s like that old Mitch Hedberg
joke: “I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.”
joke: “I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.”
Vance: I empathize with Americans who are exhausted after 25 years of foreign entanglements in the Middle East. I understand the concern, but the difference is that back then we had dumb presidents
June 22, 2025 at 4:56 PM
It’s like that old Mitch Hedberg
joke: “I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.”
joke: “I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.”
Don't understand why Utah continues with this charade of pretending like we have a governor. Just rewrite the state constitution and make it a parliamentary system already if you're going to cede all power to legislative leadership and only take actions specifically targeted to appease them.
May 9, 2025 at 6:00 PM
Don't understand why Utah continues with this charade of pretending like we have a governor. Just rewrite the state constitution and make it a parliamentary system already if you're going to cede all power to legislative leadership and only take actions specifically targeted to appease them.
“Most people only have three friends. But at Meta, we believe we can push that number even lower.”
Mark Zuckerberg says Meta's chatbots will supplement your real friends: "The average American has fewer than 3 friends ... but has demand for ... 15 friends" (h/t x.com/romanhelmetg...)
May 1, 2025 at 3:21 PM
“Most people only have three friends. But at Meta, we believe we can push that number even lower.”
Between this and the rollback of regulations on milk...
I did not have the Trump administration being the thing that finally pushes me to go vegan on my Bingo card.
I did not have the Trump administration being the thing that finally pushes me to go vegan on my Bingo card.
"The Agriculture Department will not require poultry companies to limit salmonella bacteria in their products, halting a Biden Administration effort to prevent food poisoning from contaminated meat."
www.seattletimes.com/business/usd...
www.seattletimes.com/business/usd...
USDA withdraws a plan to limit salmonella levels in raw poultry
The Agriculture Department says it is withdrawing a plan to limit salmonella bacteria in poultry products.
www.seattletimes.com
April 25, 2025 at 3:10 PM
Between this and the rollback of regulations on milk...
I did not have the Trump administration being the thing that finally pushes me to go vegan on my Bingo card.
I did not have the Trump administration being the thing that finally pushes me to go vegan on my Bingo card.
LLMs can save time on tasks so long as those tasks weren’t necessary or beneficial in the first place.
They suck and aren’t useful. These are roughly the fifth and sixth worst things about them.
They suck and aren’t useful. These are roughly the fifth and sixth worst things about them.
April 24, 2025 at 9:16 PM
LLMs can save time on tasks so long as those tasks weren’t necessary or beneficial in the first place.
They suck and aren’t useful. These are roughly the fifth and sixth worst things about them.
They suck and aren’t useful. These are roughly the fifth and sixth worst things about them.
I don’t understand the people who make hundreds of millions of dollars selling a company and still hang around!!!
Just take your “I won capitalism” trophy and ride off into the sunset.
Just take your “I won capitalism” trophy and ride off into the sunset.
April 23, 2025 at 2:04 AM
I don’t understand the people who make hundreds of millions of dollars selling a company and still hang around!!!
Just take your “I won capitalism” trophy and ride off into the sunset.
Just take your “I won capitalism” trophy and ride off into the sunset.
"I don't have time for this!"
--Man who heads the largest and most expensive government department in the history of the world while appearing for an interview on the basic cable channel where he used to work
--Man who heads the largest and most expensive government department in the history of the world while appearing for an interview on the basic cable channel where he used to work
April 22, 2025 at 2:07 PM
"I don't have time for this!"
--Man who heads the largest and most expensive government department in the history of the world while appearing for an interview on the basic cable channel where he used to work
--Man who heads the largest and most expensive government department in the history of the world while appearing for an interview on the basic cable channel where he used to work
Happy Jackie Robinson Day. Today we memorialize the most recent instance of Major League Baseball coming close to taking a stand for what is right.
April 15, 2025 at 10:31 PM
Happy Jackie Robinson Day. Today we memorialize the most recent instance of Major League Baseball coming close to taking a stand for what is right.
I prefer the Simpsons Treehouse of Horror remake more than this real-world reenactment.
April 10, 2025 at 4:45 PM
I prefer the Simpsons Treehouse of Horror remake more than this real-world reenactment.
Cory Booker has been speaking so long that it feels almost half as long as Trump speech.
April 1, 2025 at 11:22 PM
Cory Booker has been speaking so long that it feels almost half as long as Trump speech.
Save those hits for games where we need ‘em! Haha.
March 27, 2025 at 11:45 PM
Save those hits for games where we need ‘em! Haha.
Shucks. If I didn’t know any better I might begin to suspect that centuries-long positive relationships with allies are good and mutually beneficial.
March 17, 2025 at 10:51 PM
Shucks. If I didn’t know any better I might begin to suspect that centuries-long positive relationships with allies are good and mutually beneficial.
I will believe a SpaceX flight is going to succeed when Elon Musk is on it and never before then.
March 16, 2025 at 10:29 PM
I will believe a SpaceX flight is going to succeed when Elon Musk is on it and never before then.
Fortunately, no significant conflict has ever come about as a result of Poland’s allies abandoning or undermining them.
Sikorski is the Foreign Minister of Poland, for those who don’t know.
March 9, 2025 at 8:13 PM
Fortunately, no significant conflict has ever come about as a result of Poland’s allies abandoning or undermining them.
“Disrupt the sleep industry” might be the absolute worst phrase I have ever read.
February 26, 2025 at 1:20 AM
“Disrupt the sleep industry” might be the absolute worst phrase I have ever read.
I'm definitely gonna be boycotting online surveys for precisely this reason in a couple months.
February 21, 2025 at 7:19 PM
I'm definitely gonna be boycotting online surveys for precisely this reason in a couple months.
100% looks like he was an electrician repairing a light fixture in the Director’s office when some loophole makes whoever happens to be in the office at that time the FBI Director. Not gonna lie, I’d watch the hell out of that. And then the MST3K version.
February 9, 2025 at 2:58 AM
100% looks like he was an electrician repairing a light fixture in the Director’s office when some loophole makes whoever happens to be in the office at that time the FBI Director. Not gonna lie, I’d watch the hell out of that. And then the MST3K version.