Occam’s Razor Burn
@stochasticnoise.bsky.social
If lavender oat milk chai latte was a personality type
Pinned
Fuck it, we ball
My old drafts folder was a true carnival of horrors.
February 9, 2026 at 11:04 PM
My old drafts folder was a true carnival of horrors.
It’s 10pm on Sunday- you hit the wrong thing on Spotify, and a song you run to on repeat comes on. It hits your nervous system hard. You finally talk yourself down from finding the nearest treadmill immediately.
But you still can’t sleep because Hello Bitches is stuck in your head.
But you still can’t sleep because Hello Bitches is stuck in your head.
February 9, 2026 at 3:27 AM
It’s 10pm on Sunday- you hit the wrong thing on Spotify, and a song you run to on repeat comes on. It hits your nervous system hard. You finally talk yourself down from finding the nearest treadmill immediately.
But you still can’t sleep because Hello Bitches is stuck in your head.
But you still can’t sleep because Hello Bitches is stuck in your head.
My friend: you have such a great way of contextualizing so many things in a few short sentences.
Me: Bitch, that voice note was four minutes long.
Me: Bitch, that voice note was four minutes long.
February 1, 2026 at 12:08 AM
My friend: you have such a great way of contextualizing so many things in a few short sentences.
Me: Bitch, that voice note was four minutes long.
Me: Bitch, that voice note was four minutes long.
Do I just pick a direction and drive 400 miles? I think I need to. Not sure why. Time will tell. Time and 400 miles.
January 31, 2026 at 10:36 PM
Do I just pick a direction and drive 400 miles? I think I need to. Not sure why. Time will tell. Time and 400 miles.
All this time, and distance, and growth only to find out that I really was a holla back girl this whole time.
January 27, 2026 at 4:31 AM
All this time, and distance, and growth only to find out that I really was a holla back girl this whole time.
I’m on this allergy diet with mainly unprocessed and minimally processed foods and I’m sitting here with my bag of original Lays from the micro mart, trying to explain why I can have potato chips and not a protein bar.
January 13, 2026 at 6:42 PM
I’m on this allergy diet with mainly unprocessed and minimally processed foods and I’m sitting here with my bag of original Lays from the micro mart, trying to explain why I can have potato chips and not a protein bar.
Shut up you’re crying
❤️ Start your day off with a smile.
These dogs get to adopt their humans, not the other way around. #MondayMotivation 💞
These dogs get to adopt their humans, not the other way around. #MondayMotivation 💞
December 30, 2025 at 1:26 PM
Shut up you’re crying
Slipknot None the Richer
Ruin two bands by combining them:
Insane ABBA Clown Posse
Insane ABBA Clown Posse
December 30, 2025 at 1:00 PM
Slipknot None the Richer
The squirrels in doggie heaven are AI.
Doggie heaven and squirrel hell are the same place.
December 30, 2025 at 12:55 PM
The squirrels in doggie heaven are AI.
Over Christmas, somebody ambushes me in the kitchen and asks if I know the sequel to Van Wilder- Van Wilder 2: the Rise of Taj.
I brace myself for the worst, but then proceeds to suggest a new Oppenheimer film- Oppenheimer 2: the Rise of Teller.
I was simply not prepared for that interaction.
I brace myself for the worst, but then proceeds to suggest a new Oppenheimer film- Oppenheimer 2: the Rise of Teller.
I was simply not prepared for that interaction.
December 30, 2025 at 11:39 AM
Over Christmas, somebody ambushes me in the kitchen and asks if I know the sequel to Van Wilder- Van Wilder 2: the Rise of Taj.
I brace myself for the worst, but then proceeds to suggest a new Oppenheimer film- Oppenheimer 2: the Rise of Teller.
I was simply not prepared for that interaction.
I brace myself for the worst, but then proceeds to suggest a new Oppenheimer film- Oppenheimer 2: the Rise of Teller.
I was simply not prepared for that interaction.
Welcome back to Muay Thai- it’s gonna be 3-6 weeks before I have legs that don’t look like this. These are only 9 hours old.
December 30, 2025 at 11:24 AM
Welcome back to Muay Thai- it’s gonna be 3-6 weeks before I have legs that don’t look like this. These are only 9 hours old.
Not for nothing, but any strategy that makes survival significantly harder for civilians has a civilian body count.
December 28, 2025 at 3:05 PM
Not for nothing, but any strategy that makes survival significantly harder for civilians has a civilian body count.
Fuck it, we ball
December 28, 2025 at 6:08 AM
Fuck it, we ball
Now they tell me.
You could just mute that man. Really. Mute or block and get on with your day
December 27, 2025 at 5:14 PM
Now they tell me.
How I’m walking out of 2025
December 27, 2025 at 2:48 PM
How I’m walking out of 2025
My gym cancelled classes over a measly 5” of snow. Where do we think we are, Dallas?
Dammit I was really counting on that dopamine.
Dammit I was really counting on that dopamine.
December 27, 2025 at 1:31 PM
My gym cancelled classes over a measly 5” of snow. Where do we think we are, Dallas?
Dammit I was really counting on that dopamine.
Dammit I was really counting on that dopamine.
Okay, it is snowing like nobody’s business out there. I have Thai curry soup and jasmine rice. Snuffy and I are on the couch listening to podcasts. The heat works now (y’all it is 68 degrees in here). It’s so very nice.
I also did some defensive parking and I won’t have to dig out tomorrow.
I also did some defensive parking and I won’t have to dig out tomorrow.
December 26, 2025 at 11:37 PM
Okay, it is snowing like nobody’s business out there. I have Thai curry soup and jasmine rice. Snuffy and I are on the couch listening to podcasts. The heat works now (y’all it is 68 degrees in here). It’s so very nice.
I also did some defensive parking and I won’t have to dig out tomorrow.
I also did some defensive parking and I won’t have to dig out tomorrow.
These questions are meaningless.
Speak up, speak plainly and concisely, hush when your point is made if debate is not useful or called for.
Just like every murderer thinks somebody needed killing-everyone who ever said anything thought somebody needed to say it.
Speak up, speak plainly and concisely, hush when your point is made if debate is not useful or called for.
Just like every murderer thinks somebody needed killing-everyone who ever said anything thought somebody needed to say it.
Per Craig Ferguson: When you're about to say something, ask yourself
1. Does this need to be said
2. Does this need to be said by me
3. Does this need to be said by me right now
It's amazing how asking these will get keep you out of trouble (that is, if you actually have sense to begin with)
1. Does this need to be said
2. Does this need to be said by me
3. Does this need to be said by me right now
It's amazing how asking these will get keep you out of trouble (that is, if you actually have sense to begin with)
I’ve been trying very hard to not be an asshole as I get older. Often, that just means keeping my mouth shut and nodding along.
December 26, 2025 at 8:08 PM
These questions are meaningless.
Speak up, speak plainly and concisely, hush when your point is made if debate is not useful or called for.
Just like every murderer thinks somebody needed killing-everyone who ever said anything thought somebody needed to say it.
Speak up, speak plainly and concisely, hush when your point is made if debate is not useful or called for.
Just like every murderer thinks somebody needed killing-everyone who ever said anything thought somebody needed to say it.
Not to brag or nothing, but it’s 17 degrees out, and I finally fixed my heat. The temperature in my living room has gone from 55 to 68 over the last 90 minutes.
December 26, 2025 at 12:32 PM
Not to brag or nothing, but it’s 17 degrees out, and I finally fixed my heat. The temperature in my living room has gone from 55 to 68 over the last 90 minutes.
A rhyme of these two ideas is super common- nearly always goes like this: Some people are good people, but bad things happened to them and they shouldn’t have to live through this kind of pain. But some people are just bad people who are being selfish and they should suck it up because that’s life
Yeah, no thanks.
Stop guilting people about being estranged from family members. It someone is they likely have personal reasons for being so.
Stop guilting people about being estranged from family members. It someone is they likely have personal reasons for being so.
December 26, 2025 at 12:24 AM
A rhyme of these two ideas is super common- nearly always goes like this: Some people are good people, but bad things happened to them and they shouldn’t have to live through this kind of pain. But some people are just bad people who are being selfish and they should suck it up because that’s life
Today is the magical day where Instagram suddenly transforms to wall to wall coverage of dogs opening presents
December 25, 2025 at 4:34 PM
Today is the magical day where Instagram suddenly transforms to wall to wall coverage of dogs opening presents
Reposted by Occam’s Razor Burn
Merry Crimbo, brahs
December 25, 2025 at 1:16 PM
Merry Crimbo, brahs
In case you needed to see a cat in a beret
December 23, 2025 at 9:52 PM
In case you needed to see a cat in a beret
That’s true for all niche genres- the actors don’t get to be in on the joke. But if Michael Caine can menace a frog and Mark Hamill can cut off his dad’s hand with camera parts, anything is possible.
I do think the key for things like Home Alone, Muppet Christmas Carol, etc. is that the actors fully commit to the bit
I feel like similar films made now lean too heavily into doing it ironically
I feel like similar films made now lean too heavily into doing it ironically
December 23, 2025 at 11:55 AM
That’s true for all niche genres- the actors don’t get to be in on the joke. But if Michael Caine can menace a frog and Mark Hamill can cut off his dad’s hand with camera parts, anything is possible.