Amazing Amy 𓄿
@snozzberries.bsky.social
Like riding a poorly maintained carnival ride
IG: DropDeadQuirky
IG: DropDeadQuirky
Fuck all Tesla drivers forever*
*except for the bearded gentleman I saw on the 405 today who had a “deport Elon” sticker on his Tesla AND used his turn signals.
*except for the bearded gentleman I saw on the 405 today who had a “deport Elon” sticker on his Tesla AND used his turn signals.
April 3, 2025 at 3:14 PM
Fuck all Tesla drivers forever*
*except for the bearded gentleman I saw on the 405 today who had a “deport Elon” sticker on his Tesla AND used his turn signals.
*except for the bearded gentleman I saw on the 405 today who had a “deport Elon” sticker on his Tesla AND used his turn signals.
Came to the Chef’s restaurant for dinner tonight and the restaurant owner asked if I had a “good Super Bowl” then his lawyer (who I have met once before) came up behind me, hugged me, and said “you are soooo beautifullll”… rich people make me uncomfortable.
February 12, 2025 at 4:34 AM
Came to the Chef’s restaurant for dinner tonight and the restaurant owner asked if I had a “good Super Bowl” then his lawyer (who I have met once before) came up behind me, hugged me, and said “you are soooo beautifullll”… rich people make me uncomfortable.
As Chef and I are leaving the restaurant, he called to the bartender “bye, Tyler, love you!” And - AS A JOKE - I yelled the same thing… except Tyler didn’t hear the Chef, he only heard me.
So now I can never go in there again.
So now I can never go in there again.
February 9, 2025 at 5:58 AM
As Chef and I are leaving the restaurant, he called to the bartender “bye, Tyler, love you!” And - AS A JOKE - I yelled the same thing… except Tyler didn’t hear the Chef, he only heard me.
So now I can never go in there again.
So now I can never go in there again.
If your child is born on Groundhog’s Day and you don’t make a joke about being worried about him seeing his shadow and going back in for 6 more weeks, what’s even the point of having a child?
Anyway, my kid was born 26 years ago so I’ve been making that joke for 25 years.
Anyway, my kid was born 26 years ago so I’ve been making that joke for 25 years.
a man is holding a squirrel in his car
ALT: a man is holding a squirrel in his car
media.tenor.com
February 2, 2025 at 6:38 PM
If your child is born on Groundhog’s Day and you don’t make a joke about being worried about him seeing his shadow and going back in for 6 more weeks, what’s even the point of having a child?
Anyway, my kid was born 26 years ago so I’ve been making that joke for 25 years.
Anyway, my kid was born 26 years ago so I’ve been making that joke for 25 years.
Felt a little dirty hitting my tattoo artist with the “hey stranger” after a year of not having any money for tattoos, but I’m excited to continue my tradition of spending my birthday with him.
January 31, 2025 at 4:55 PM
Felt a little dirty hitting my tattoo artist with the “hey stranger” after a year of not having any money for tattoos, but I’m excited to continue my tradition of spending my birthday with him.
A friend asked if she could crash my date at the Chef’s restaurant and halfway through eating, she leaned over to me and said:
“Am I imagining it, or is EVERYONE who works here really attractive?!”
It’s true, the restaurant itself is whatever, but the staff and the food are needlessly pretty.
“Am I imagining it, or is EVERYONE who works here really attractive?!”
It’s true, the restaurant itself is whatever, but the staff and the food are needlessly pretty.
January 26, 2025 at 6:28 PM
A friend asked if she could crash my date at the Chef’s restaurant and halfway through eating, she leaned over to me and said:
“Am I imagining it, or is EVERYONE who works here really attractive?!”
It’s true, the restaurant itself is whatever, but the staff and the food are needlessly pretty.
“Am I imagining it, or is EVERYONE who works here really attractive?!”
It’s true, the restaurant itself is whatever, but the staff and the food are needlessly pretty.
Reposted by Amazing Amy 𓄿
I have the bruises of a much more active person.
January 14, 2025 at 9:00 PM
I have the bruises of a much more active person.
Absolutely losing my mind over these billboards from Drake the Lawyer here in Southern California.
January 10, 2025 at 5:58 PM
Absolutely losing my mind over these billboards from Drake the Lawyer here in Southern California.
Last night, a couple who are regulars at the Chef’s restaurant came up to hug me (WHY?) and tell me that they know I like to bake (HOW?) and they are going to bring me his grandmother’s recipe for persimmon cookies (WHY? But also… obviously I’m curious and I’ll try them)
January 5, 2025 at 6:12 PM
Last night, a couple who are regulars at the Chef’s restaurant came up to hug me (WHY?) and tell me that they know I like to bake (HOW?) and they are going to bring me his grandmother’s recipe for persimmon cookies (WHY? But also… obviously I’m curious and I’ll try them)
Reposted by Amazing Amy 𓄿
my love life is like how to lose a guy in ten days but i only need ten actual minutes.
January 4, 2025 at 5:38 PM
my love life is like how to lose a guy in ten days but i only need ten actual minutes.
Someone came into my office looking for the mochi place next door. I told them we don’t sell mochi, it’s next door, he looks skeptical and bends over to look under the chairs in the lobby…
Oooop, you got me! We sell mochi and we keep it on the floor! How many would you like?
Oooop, you got me! We sell mochi and we keep it on the floor! How many would you like?
December 31, 2024 at 10:49 PM
Someone came into my office looking for the mochi place next door. I told them we don’t sell mochi, it’s next door, he looks skeptical and bends over to look under the chairs in the lobby…
Oooop, you got me! We sell mochi and we keep it on the floor! How many would you like?
Oooop, you got me! We sell mochi and we keep it on the floor! How many would you like?
I was just thinking that it’s going to be weird, 5-6 years from now, when every kindergarten class has 5 kids (gender irrelevant) named Luigi.
a cartoon character wearing a green hat with a letter l on it
ALT: a cartoon character wearing a green hat with a letter l on it
media.tenor.com
December 23, 2024 at 1:18 AM
I was just thinking that it’s going to be weird, 5-6 years from now, when every kindergarten class has 5 kids (gender irrelevant) named Luigi.
On the bright side, being sick enough to call in allowed me to miss my grubby, wet-coughing office’s Christmas party.
On the not-bright side, someone in that grubby, wet-coughing office got me fucking sick and I feel like I was run over by a truck.
On the not-bright side, someone in that grubby, wet-coughing office got me fucking sick and I feel like I was run over by a truck.
December 20, 2024 at 9:52 PM
On the bright side, being sick enough to call in allowed me to miss my grubby, wet-coughing office’s Christmas party.
On the not-bright side, someone in that grubby, wet-coughing office got me fucking sick and I feel like I was run over by a truck.
On the not-bright side, someone in that grubby, wet-coughing office got me fucking sick and I feel like I was run over by a truck.
Me: okay, just to confirm, you want to order the 6.25 inch scissors…
Customer: no! I told you I wanted the 6 and a quarter inch scissors.
Me: … that’s actually… okay, sure, the 6 and a quarter scissors.
Customer: no! I told you I wanted the 6 and a quarter inch scissors.
Me: … that’s actually… okay, sure, the 6 and a quarter scissors.
December 19, 2024 at 2:54 AM
Me: okay, just to confirm, you want to order the 6.25 inch scissors…
Customer: no! I told you I wanted the 6 and a quarter inch scissors.
Me: … that’s actually… okay, sure, the 6 and a quarter scissors.
Customer: no! I told you I wanted the 6 and a quarter inch scissors.
Me: … that’s actually… okay, sure, the 6 and a quarter scissors.
Trying to leave the Chef’s holiday party and a sushi chef I’d never met before was hugging me and pledging her undying love for me. She insisted that I put her number in my phone.
As I’m typing it in, I ask if her name is Crystal with a C or a K
“Like meth”
And I might have found my new bestie.
As I’m typing it in, I ask if her name is Crystal with a C or a K
“Like meth”
And I might have found my new bestie.
December 17, 2024 at 7:22 AM
Trying to leave the Chef’s holiday party and a sushi chef I’d never met before was hugging me and pledging her undying love for me. She insisted that I put her number in my phone.
As I’m typing it in, I ask if her name is Crystal with a C or a K
“Like meth”
And I might have found my new bestie.
As I’m typing it in, I ask if her name is Crystal with a C or a K
“Like meth”
And I might have found my new bestie.
Chef: you know how at our Christmas parties we always…
Me: I say this with as much affection as humanly possible… you and I met in April… of this year. How would I know any of the alwayses of your job?
Me: I say this with as much affection as humanly possible… you and I met in April… of this year. How would I know any of the alwayses of your job?
December 16, 2024 at 4:12 PM
Chef: you know how at our Christmas parties we always…
Me: I say this with as much affection as humanly possible… you and I met in April… of this year. How would I know any of the alwayses of your job?
Me: I say this with as much affection as humanly possible… you and I met in April… of this year. How would I know any of the alwayses of your job?
I was trying to figure out what to wear to the holiday party for the Chef’s restaurant, so I asked what the vibe usually is.
“Lots of tequila, a couple people doing blow in the office… and a few years ago, a guy broke his neck. He’s okay now, though”
So… that was super helpful.
“Lots of tequila, a couple people doing blow in the office… and a few years ago, a guy broke his neck. He’s okay now, though”
So… that was super helpful.
December 16, 2024 at 2:10 AM
I was trying to figure out what to wear to the holiday party for the Chef’s restaurant, so I asked what the vibe usually is.
“Lots of tequila, a couple people doing blow in the office… and a few years ago, a guy broke his neck. He’s okay now, though”
So… that was super helpful.
“Lots of tequila, a couple people doing blow in the office… and a few years ago, a guy broke his neck. He’s okay now, though”
So… that was super helpful.
My friend’s kid was in a parade with his Scout troop and afterwards, I asked how he liked it -
“Before, I didn’t think I would have fun… and I was right.”
That kid is so real.
“Before, I didn’t think I would have fun… and I was right.”
That kid is so real.
December 14, 2024 at 9:41 PM
My friend’s kid was in a parade with his Scout troop and afterwards, I asked how he liked it -
“Before, I didn’t think I would have fun… and I was right.”
That kid is so real.
“Before, I didn’t think I would have fun… and I was right.”
That kid is so real.
Reposted by Amazing Amy 𓄿
BREAKING: I just needed everyone to see the most amazing - and reversible - wrapping paper ever created.
December 14, 2024 at 4:39 AM
BREAKING: I just needed everyone to see the most amazing - and reversible - wrapping paper ever created.
Thanks @duolingoverde.bsky.social, you’re really helping me learn the important German phrases!
December 13, 2024 at 3:28 AM
Thanks @duolingoverde.bsky.social, you’re really helping me learn the important German phrases!
Finally realized who my hot-but-too-young neighbor reminds me of - the guy Laura Linney was obsessed with in Love, Actually.
Don’t know what to do with this information.
Don’t know what to do with this information.
a woman is standing in a room with her arms outstretched and laughing .
ALT: a woman is standing in a room with her arms outstretched and laughing .
media.tenor.com
December 12, 2024 at 1:05 AM
Finally realized who my hot-but-too-young neighbor reminds me of - the guy Laura Linney was obsessed with in Love, Actually.
Don’t know what to do with this information.
Don’t know what to do with this information.
Reposted by Amazing Amy 𓄿
i have to thrift bc i’m a bitch i’m a lover i’m a child i’m a mother i’m a sinner i’m a saint and they do not share the same aesthetic.
December 11, 2024 at 11:16 PM
i have to thrift bc i’m a bitch i’m a lover i’m a child i’m a mother i’m a sinner i’m a saint and they do not share the same aesthetic.
So my dumb job is doing a dumb secret Santa thing and I got the dumb, homophobic, flat-earther jackass who works in the service department. Kinda want to get him a globe.
December 11, 2024 at 11:22 PM
So my dumb job is doing a dumb secret Santa thing and I got the dumb, homophobic, flat-earther jackass who works in the service department. Kinda want to get him a globe.