Patrick Hastie
@patrickhastie.bsky.social
Comedian.
Buy My Album on Bandcamp: https://shorturl.at/eiuM9
Watch My Special:
https://youtu.be/H5JsAYvn6Nc?si=BdApQhRVvkI_SoPA
Website: http://patrickhastie.com/
Buy My Album on Bandcamp: https://shorturl.at/eiuM9
Watch My Special:
https://youtu.be/H5JsAYvn6Nc?si=BdApQhRVvkI_SoPA
Website: http://patrickhastie.com/
The Miami Dolphins haven't hired a head coach with previous NFL head coaching experience since Dave Wannstedt in the year 2000.
January 20, 2026 at 12:11 AM
The Miami Dolphins haven't hired a head coach with previous NFL head coaching experience since Dave Wannstedt in the year 2000.
My wife and I have decided we're unschooling our fish.
January 19, 2026 at 5:37 PM
My wife and I have decided we're unschooling our fish.
It is 2 degrees in Minneapolis tonight. I would love to wake up tomorrow to the news that a bunch of ICE officers froze because they refused to dress for the weather.
January 19, 2026 at 2:19 AM
It is 2 degrees in Minneapolis tonight. I would love to wake up tomorrow to the news that a bunch of ICE officers froze because they refused to dress for the weather.
Reposted by Patrick Hastie
i'm boycotting the nfl until they let the chiefs back into the playoffs. i mean obviously i'll watch the games and talk about them and everything, but i will not purchase any of the teams
January 18, 2026 at 8:55 PM
i'm boycotting the nfl until they let the chiefs back into the playoffs. i mean obviously i'll watch the games and talk about them and everything, but i will not purchase any of the teams
Amid ICE's Minneapolis Occupation Democratic Leaders Take Strong Action By Writing Powerful Thank You Letter To AIPAC
January 18, 2026 at 9:05 PM
Amid ICE's Minneapolis Occupation Democratic Leaders Take Strong Action By Writing Powerful Thank You Letter To AIPAC
"in low places, where the whiskey drowns and the beer chases..."
Self-proclaimed Islamophobe and J6er Jake Lang flees Minnesotans, 1/17/26
January 18, 2026 at 12:56 AM
"in low places, where the whiskey drowns and the beer chases..."
Woohoo! Every sports bar and living room in America goes crazy as another hilarious Bradley Cooper/Uber Eats commercial comes on during the playoffs! I've heard some people are only watching the games for the Bradley Cooper/Uber Eats commercials.
January 17, 2026 at 9:32 PM
Woohoo! Every sports bar and living room in America goes crazy as another hilarious Bradley Cooper/Uber Eats commercial comes on during the playoffs! I've heard some people are only watching the games for the Bradley Cooper/Uber Eats commercials.
Every good Risk player knows that if you hold Eastern United States, Western United States, Venezuela, and Greenland, then you have basically won the game.
So you can give the rest of your pieces to another player so they can build up a tiny area in the Middle East that doesn't belong to them.
So you can give the rest of your pieces to another player so they can build up a tiny area in the Middle East that doesn't belong to them.
January 17, 2026 at 1:16 AM
Every good Risk player knows that if you hold Eastern United States, Western United States, Venezuela, and Greenland, then you have basically won the game.
So you can give the rest of your pieces to another player so they can build up a tiny area in the Middle East that doesn't belong to them.
So you can give the rest of your pieces to another player so they can build up a tiny area in the Middle East that doesn't belong to them.
Do you think Timothee Chalamet knows Kylie has kids? Do you think he knows their names? Do you think he's ever met them?
January 14, 2026 at 11:23 PM
Do you think Timothee Chalamet knows Kylie has kids? Do you think he knows their names? Do you think he's ever met them?
Reposted by Patrick Hastie
Bandcamp has banned AI music.
The company has released a statement which includes the following: "Music and audio that is generated wholly or in substantial part by AI is not permitted on Bandcamp."
stereogum.com/2485199/band...
The company has released a statement which includes the following: "Music and audio that is generated wholly or in substantial part by AI is not permitted on Bandcamp."
stereogum.com/2485199/band...
Bandcamp Bans AI Music
AI music has become a big problem on streaming services. Remember the AI-generated psych-rock band the Velvet Sundown and the AI-generated metalcore band Broken Avenue racking up streams on Spotify? R...
stereogum.com
January 14, 2026 at 2:23 PM
Bandcamp has banned AI music.
The company has released a statement which includes the following: "Music and audio that is generated wholly or in substantial part by AI is not permitted on Bandcamp."
stereogum.com/2485199/band...
The company has released a statement which includes the following: "Music and audio that is generated wholly or in substantial part by AI is not permitted on Bandcamp."
stereogum.com/2485199/band...
With the death of Scott Adams, United States Secretary of Homeland Security, Kristi Noem has repeatedly asked if she can put down Dogbert.
January 14, 2026 at 7:19 PM
With the death of Scott Adams, United States Secretary of Homeland Security, Kristi Noem has repeatedly asked if she can put down Dogbert.
I am truly surprised that ICE, what with their large hiring bonuses and love of white supremist, hasn't completely usurped the Kill Tony crowd.
January 12, 2026 at 9:13 PM
I am truly surprised that ICE, what with their large hiring bonuses and love of white supremist, hasn't completely usurped the Kill Tony crowd.
It's funny when war movies have an officer who sucks or is a jerk to the main character, and then later they get killed or maimed as a sort of comeuppance and we, the viewer, are supposed to be like, "hell yeah, the Nazi's got one right!"
January 12, 2026 at 6:23 PM
It's funny when war movies have an officer who sucks or is a jerk to the main character, and then later they get killed or maimed as a sort of comeuppance and we, the viewer, are supposed to be like, "hell yeah, the Nazi's got one right!"
During the Bills/Jags game, CBS is playing deep cut Goo Goo Dolls songs as they go to commercial. Which would make sense if the game was in Buffalo. But the game is not in Buffalo. The game is in Jacksonville. They should be giving us Three Dollar Bill, Y'all-era Limp Bizkit tracks. In this essay I
January 11, 2026 at 8:19 PM
During the Bills/Jags game, CBS is playing deep cut Goo Goo Dolls songs as they go to commercial. Which would make sense if the game was in Buffalo. But the game is not in Buffalo. The game is in Jacksonville. They should be giving us Three Dollar Bill, Y'all-era Limp Bizkit tracks. In this essay I
If I had money, I'd pay the sea turtles to go down and bite through the submarine communications cables on the ocean floor.
January 11, 2026 at 7:37 PM
If I had money, I'd pay the sea turtles to go down and bite through the submarine communications cables on the ocean floor.
On Monday, Aaron Rodgers (20th season) will make his 22nd playoff start, moving him one playoff start ahead of Patrick Mahomes (9th season). Good job Aaron!
January 11, 2026 at 3:15 AM
On Monday, Aaron Rodgers (20th season) will make his 22nd playoff start, moving him one playoff start ahead of Patrick Mahomes (9th season). Good job Aaron!
I want the 49ers to win the NFC.
I want the Texans to win the AFC.
If Green Bay, the Rams, or Jaguars win, I am ok with that.
I am actively routing against New England, Buffalo, and Pittsburgh.
I want the planes carrying the Broncos and the Chargers to crash (preferably into mountains).
I want the Texans to win the AFC.
If Green Bay, the Rams, or Jaguars win, I am ok with that.
I am actively routing against New England, Buffalo, and Pittsburgh.
I want the planes carrying the Broncos and the Chargers to crash (preferably into mountains).
January 10, 2026 at 10:38 PM
I want the 49ers to win the NFC.
I want the Texans to win the AFC.
If Green Bay, the Rams, or Jaguars win, I am ok with that.
I am actively routing against New England, Buffalo, and Pittsburgh.
I want the planes carrying the Broncos and the Chargers to crash (preferably into mountains).
I want the Texans to win the AFC.
If Green Bay, the Rams, or Jaguars win, I am ok with that.
I am actively routing against New England, Buffalo, and Pittsburgh.
I want the planes carrying the Broncos and the Chargers to crash (preferably into mountains).
Is there a job that is like, anti-AI. Like can I work somewhere where the purpose is to bring an end to AI?
January 9, 2026 at 9:46 PM
Is there a job that is like, anti-AI. Like can I work somewhere where the purpose is to bring an end to AI?
Mortal Kombat warped our youths.
Mario Bros warped our plumbers.
Mario Bros warped our plumbers.
January 6, 2026 at 8:44 AM
Mortal Kombat warped our youths.
Mario Bros warped our plumbers.
Mario Bros warped our plumbers.
I bet the first human who ever saw a gorilla was like, "Fuck, that dude looks crazy!"
January 5, 2026 at 9:51 AM
I bet the first human who ever saw a gorilla was like, "Fuck, that dude looks crazy!"
"I'm not mad you did it, I'm just mad you didn't ask first."
My full statement on the Trump Administration’s military actions in Venezuela:
January 3, 2026 at 10:07 PM
"I'm not mad you did it, I'm just mad you didn't ask first."
Nancy Pelosi Friday
January 3, 2026 at 10:06 PM
Nancy Pelosi Friday
If you press play on the video of me fucking your mom tonight (December 31st) at 11:57:40 the part where she says "oh shit I'm gonna squirt, fuck l'm gonna spurt" will play right as the clock strikes midnight. Start your 2026 off right by watching the tape of me fucking your mom!
January 1, 2026 at 3:03 AM
If you press play on the video of me fucking your mom tonight (December 31st) at 11:57:40 the part where she says "oh shit I'm gonna squirt, fuck l'm gonna spurt" will play right as the clock strikes midnight. Start your 2026 off right by watching the tape of me fucking your mom!
In an Attempt to Curb Fare Evasion, The MTA Has Begun Sealing All Subway Entrances with Brick Walls and Barbed Wire
December 31, 2025 at 1:47 AM
In an Attempt to Curb Fare Evasion, The MTA Has Begun Sealing All Subway Entrances with Brick Walls and Barbed Wire
After the events of Home Alone 2, I believe Kevin McCallister's parents should have been shot and hung up by their feet like Mussolini.
I believe a lot of things.
I believe a lot of things.
December 29, 2025 at 11:17 PM
After the events of Home Alone 2, I believe Kevin McCallister's parents should have been shot and hung up by their feet like Mussolini.
I believe a lot of things.
I believe a lot of things.