Ninjar
@ninjar.bsky.social
Twitter escapee. Posting dumb shit online since 2009. CNC Machinist. Guitarist. Obsessive Movie Watcher. Follow me on Letterboxd: https://boxd.it/18GjF
Just Posts: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaajlonohdrds
Just Posts: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaajlonohdrds
[at the bank]
*pulls out a gun*
*hands the teller a note*
[Does this gun make me look cool?]
*does cool poses with the gun*
*pulls out a gun*
*hands the teller a note*
[Does this gun make me look cool?]
*does cool poses with the gun*
June 18, 2024 at 8:50 PM
[at the bank]
*pulls out a gun*
*hands the teller a note*
[Does this gun make me look cool?]
*does cool poses with the gun*
*pulls out a gun*
*hands the teller a note*
[Does this gun make me look cool?]
*does cool poses with the gun*
The Descent of Mark Wahlberg:
Four Brothers
Three Kings
2 Guns
Lone Survivor
The Departed
Transformers: Age of Extinction
Four Brothers
Three Kings
2 Guns
Lone Survivor
The Departed
Transformers: Age of Extinction
May 18, 2024 at 2:05 PM
The Descent of Mark Wahlberg:
Four Brothers
Three Kings
2 Guns
Lone Survivor
The Departed
Transformers: Age of Extinction
Four Brothers
Three Kings
2 Guns
Lone Survivor
The Departed
Transformers: Age of Extinction
“Dad, why haven’t you ever told me you love me?”
*I look over*
*a lamp with a mustache slowly falls off the dresser and shatters into 100 pieces*
*I look over*
*a lamp with a mustache slowly falls off the dresser and shatters into 100 pieces*
May 18, 2024 at 12:46 PM
“Dad, why haven’t you ever told me you love me?”
*I look over*
*a lamp with a mustache slowly falls off the dresser and shatters into 100 pieces*
*I look over*
*a lamp with a mustache slowly falls off the dresser and shatters into 100 pieces*
Now that I’ve deleted my Twitter and moved to Bluesky, I think it’s time I shed my weird Twitter persona, get serious and reveal who I truly am…
*deep breath*
My real name is Jarod Bigpenis
*deep breath*
My real name is Jarod Bigpenis
May 17, 2024 at 11:31 PM
Now that I’ve deleted my Twitter and moved to Bluesky, I think it’s time I shed my weird Twitter persona, get serious and reveal who I truly am…
*deep breath*
My real name is Jarod Bigpenis
*deep breath*
My real name is Jarod Bigpenis
I used to work on a sheep farm but I got fired for falling asleep all the time.
May 14, 2024 at 9:07 AM
I used to work on a sheep farm but I got fired for falling asleep all the time.
The bad news is now I grunt every time I get out of a car.
The good news is I will die soon.
The good news is I will die soon.
May 13, 2024 at 9:55 PM
The bad news is now I grunt every time I get out of a car.
The good news is I will die soon.
The good news is I will die soon.
*my son gets home from school*
SON: Dad, look! I got a 100% on my math test!
ME: *smacks it out of his hand* SHUTUP NERD!
SON: Dad, look! I got a 100% on my math test!
ME: *smacks it out of his hand* SHUTUP NERD!
May 12, 2024 at 11:15 AM
*my son gets home from school*
SON: Dad, look! I got a 100% on my math test!
ME: *smacks it out of his hand* SHUTUP NERD!
SON: Dad, look! I got a 100% on my math test!
ME: *smacks it out of his hand* SHUTUP NERD!
*wakes up in hospital*
[Dr] "Im sorry, we had to amputate your butt"
[Me] “WHAT!"
*turns on side*
*wife cries hysterically*
*rookie nurse vomits*
[Dr] "Im sorry, we had to amputate your butt"
[Me] “WHAT!"
*turns on side*
*wife cries hysterically*
*rookie nurse vomits*
May 11, 2024 at 7:38 PM
*wakes up in hospital*
[Dr] "Im sorry, we had to amputate your butt"
[Me] “WHAT!"
*turns on side*
*wife cries hysterically*
*rookie nurse vomits*
[Dr] "Im sorry, we had to amputate your butt"
[Me] “WHAT!"
*turns on side*
*wife cries hysterically*
*rookie nurse vomits*
The Matrix (1999)
A nerd does drugs that he can’t handle so he freaks out and thinks he’s inside a computer doing kung-fu.
Runtime(136 minutes)
A nerd does drugs that he can’t handle so he freaks out and thinks he’s inside a computer doing kung-fu.
Runtime(136 minutes)
May 11, 2024 at 7:34 PM
The Matrix (1999)
A nerd does drugs that he can’t handle so he freaks out and thinks he’s inside a computer doing kung-fu.
Runtime(136 minutes)
A nerd does drugs that he can’t handle so he freaks out and thinks he’s inside a computer doing kung-fu.
Runtime(136 minutes)
I’m Italian and I’ve never had a spicy meatball.
April 13, 2024 at 12:22 PM
I’m Italian and I’ve never had a spicy meatball.
When I die I want the Friends theme song played while my casket is thrown into a fountain
April 5, 2024 at 8:10 PM
When I die I want the Friends theme song played while my casket is thrown into a fountain
The hay in baby Jesus's manger came from Christian Bales.
March 31, 2024 at 8:41 PM
The hay in baby Jesus's manger came from Christian Bales.
Priest: "Give us our day, our daily bread"
*duck peeks up over pew excitedly*
Priest: "METAPHORICALLY"
*duck crosses wings & slumps angrily*
*duck peeks up over pew excitedly*
Priest: "METAPHORICALLY"
*duck crosses wings & slumps angrily*
March 31, 2024 at 5:50 PM
Priest: "Give us our day, our daily bread"
*duck peeks up over pew excitedly*
Priest: "METAPHORICALLY"
*duck crosses wings & slumps angrily*
*duck peeks up over pew excitedly*
Priest: "METAPHORICALLY"
*duck crosses wings & slumps angrily*
[narrator]
"He's back from the dead for one last job"
[Jesus]
"I’m a guy you never want to…”
*looks to camera*
"Cross"
*cocks gun*
*explosion*
"He's back from the dead for one last job"
[Jesus]
"I’m a guy you never want to…”
*looks to camera*
"Cross"
*cocks gun*
*explosion*
March 31, 2024 at 12:30 PM
[narrator]
"He's back from the dead for one last job"
[Jesus]
"I’m a guy you never want to…”
*looks to camera*
"Cross"
*cocks gun*
*explosion*
"He's back from the dead for one last job"
[Jesus]
"I’m a guy you never want to…”
*looks to camera*
"Cross"
*cocks gun*
*explosion*
Reposted by Ninjar
Happy Easter to half of the world! Happy Wester to the other half
March 31, 2024 at 11:12 AM
Happy Easter to half of the world! Happy Wester to the other half
Reposted by Ninjar
Present day Jesus turns multivitamins into OxyContin
March 29, 2024 at 11:15 PM
Present day Jesus turns multivitamins into OxyContin
I put the in invisible.
March 30, 2024 at 12:48 AM
I put the in invisible.
Reposted by Ninjar
[last supper]
JESUS: *picks up bread* this is my body
*picks up wine* this is my blood
*picks up check* this ones on me boys
*apostles go nuts*
JESUS: *picks up bread* this is my body
*picks up wine* this is my blood
*picks up check* this ones on me boys
*apostles go nuts*
March 24, 2024 at 2:52 PM
[last supper]
JESUS: *picks up bread* this is my body
*picks up wine* this is my blood
*picks up check* this ones on me boys
*apostles go nuts*
JESUS: *picks up bread* this is my body
*picks up wine* this is my blood
*picks up check* this ones on me boys
*apostles go nuts*
Present day Jesus turns multivitamins into OxyContin
March 29, 2024 at 11:15 PM
Present day Jesus turns multivitamins into OxyContin
What if Miley Cyrus is really Wiley Coyote in an Acme sexy woman costume to trick the Roadrunner? Hmm…Miley, Wiley? Idk it’s just a theory.
March 29, 2024 at 4:10 PM
What if Miley Cyrus is really Wiley Coyote in an Acme sexy woman costume to trick the Roadrunner? Hmm…Miley, Wiley? Idk it’s just a theory.
“I’m sorry if I was ever…too weird” says a dying Weird Al Yankovic to his friends. “No, Al” one friend says, “WE were the weird ones”
*they all cry as the EKG flatlines*
*they all cry as the EKG flatlines*
March 29, 2024 at 11:34 AM
“I’m sorry if I was ever…too weird” says a dying Weird Al Yankovic to his friends. “No, Al” one friend says, “WE were the weird ones”
*they all cry as the EKG flatlines*
*they all cry as the EKG flatlines*
Reposted by Ninjar
*inventing the frisbee*
FUCK THIS PLATE!
FUCK THIS PLATE!
March 16, 2024 at 3:25 PM
*inventing the frisbee*
FUCK THIS PLATE!
FUCK THIS PLATE!
*cop frisking me*
Cop: There’s nothing in your pockets that will poke me, right?
Me: Uh, no.
Cop: OW!
*baby porcupine jumps out*
Me: RUN POKEY, RUN!
Cop: There’s nothing in your pockets that will poke me, right?
Me: Uh, no.
Cop: OW!
*baby porcupine jumps out*
Me: RUN POKEY, RUN!
March 16, 2024 at 5:34 PM
*cop frisking me*
Cop: There’s nothing in your pockets that will poke me, right?
Me: Uh, no.
Cop: OW!
*baby porcupine jumps out*
Me: RUN POKEY, RUN!
Cop: There’s nothing in your pockets that will poke me, right?
Me: Uh, no.
Cop: OW!
*baby porcupine jumps out*
Me: RUN POKEY, RUN!
A turtle gets ready for work. He kisses his wife and newborn son goodbye. On his way to his job, he's stomped to death by an Italian plumber.
March 14, 2024 at 9:09 AM
A turtle gets ready for work. He kisses his wife and newborn son goodbye. On his way to his job, he's stomped to death by an Italian plumber.