"I'm the only cop on the force who can play the bassoon dammit" "Not anymore" New cop in sunglasses walks in, just killing it on the bassoon

Everything i love is trash. Fav movie? Something stupid. Fav music? Virtually unlistenable. Fav games? All dog shit. Books? I dont fucking read anymore

This is the Little Heaven i have carved into the flesh of Hell

there is a 0% chance that Launchpad McQuack uses condoms

Old tucko is getting pretty desperate.

I always check both ends of my spaghetti before eating so I don't accidentally kiss a dog.

*She gazes lovingly into my eyes*

HER: what are you thinking about?

ME: [remembering my contractual obligations] How Lexus continues to redefine luxury year after year.