Kyle 🌱
@kyleplantemoji.bsky.social
I am incredibly online | King of edible leaves, his majesty the spinach | he/him
Overheard: a woman telling her dog "no, no no no, we don't eat gummy worms. You are not a gummy bird"
October 14, 2025 at 9:26 PM
Overheard: a woman telling her dog "no, no no no, we don't eat gummy worms. You are not a gummy bird"
Me: hey windows can you delete this file please
Windows: you got it, j-... omg there's actually a program using it right now
Me: omg who 😳
Windows: omg I can't say 🫣
Windows: you got it, j-... omg there's actually a program using it right now
Me: omg who 😳
Windows: omg I can't say 🫣
September 19, 2025 at 1:03 AM
Me: hey windows can you delete this file please
Windows: you got it, j-... omg there's actually a program using it right now
Me: omg who 😳
Windows: omg I can't say 🫣
Windows: you got it, j-... omg there's actually a program using it right now
Me: omg who 😳
Windows: omg I can't say 🫣
If you're ever in a situation where someone is asking for advice and you don't know what to say, just give a piece of unrelated advice and hope they take it as a metaphor
"Man if your car starts sliding, just make sure the wheels are pointed in the direction you're going"
"Man if your car starts sliding, just make sure the wheels are pointed in the direction you're going"
May 7, 2025 at 3:51 AM
If you're ever in a situation where someone is asking for advice and you don't know what to say, just give a piece of unrelated advice and hope they take it as a metaphor
"Man if your car starts sliding, just make sure the wheels are pointed in the direction you're going"
"Man if your car starts sliding, just make sure the wheels are pointed in the direction you're going"
Boyfriend: *Owen Wilson voice* wow
Girlfriend: *Jennifer Coolidge voice* wow
Girlfriend: *Jennifer Coolidge voice* wow
April 11, 2025 at 9:06 PM
Boyfriend: *Owen Wilson voice* wow
Girlfriend: *Jennifer Coolidge voice* wow
Girlfriend: *Jennifer Coolidge voice* wow
Boyfriend: *Owen Wilson voice* wow
Girlfriend: *Jennifer Coolidge voice* wow
Girlfriend: *Jennifer Coolidge voice* wow
April 7, 2025 at 1:35 AM
Boyfriend: *Owen Wilson voice* wow
Girlfriend: *Jennifer Coolidge voice* wow
Girlfriend: *Jennifer Coolidge voice* wow
Came up with the phrase "another feather in my dunce cap". Now I just need to wait until I do something stupid. Shouldn't be long now
April 4, 2025 at 1:39 AM
Came up with the phrase "another feather in my dunce cap". Now I just need to wait until I do something stupid. Shouldn't be long now
*billionaire explaining hard work* imagine standing for 2 hours
March 10, 2025 at 3:46 PM
*billionaire explaining hard work* imagine standing for 2 hours
Da Vinci assigned to uncle Kyle for Calm Down Time
February 9, 2025 at 12:22 AM
Da Vinci assigned to uncle Kyle for Calm Down Time
"Take pronouns out of your email signature, just use the obvious ones" - someone who has never emailed anyone named Taylor
February 7, 2025 at 9:21 PM
"Take pronouns out of your email signature, just use the obvious ones" - someone who has never emailed anyone named Taylor
Me: why should I use your dish soap
Dawn: look how good it cleans this duck
Me: ok well how does it do on dishes?
Dawn: again, I can't stress enough how clean this duck is
Dawn: look how good it cleans this duck
Me: ok well how does it do on dishes?
Dawn: again, I can't stress enough how clean this duck is
January 20, 2025 at 4:11 PM
Me: why should I use your dish soap
Dawn: look how good it cleans this duck
Me: ok well how does it do on dishes?
Dawn: again, I can't stress enough how clean this duck is
Dawn: look how good it cleans this duck
Me: ok well how does it do on dishes?
Dawn: again, I can't stress enough how clean this duck is
If a dog wore sandals, they'd probably be Bark-enstocks lol :)
Every day it gets harder and harder to get out of bed
Every day it gets harder and harder to get out of bed
November 22, 2024 at 9:01 PM
If a dog wore sandals, they'd probably be Bark-enstocks lol :)
Every day it gets harder and harder to get out of bed
Every day it gets harder and harder to get out of bed
The moniker "Mister President" is deeply funny to me. Very 5-year-old coded. Like saying Mister Doctor
November 20, 2024 at 6:14 PM
The moniker "Mister President" is deeply funny to me. Very 5-year-old coded. Like saying Mister Doctor
You guys hear about the election over here? Crazy stuff
November 7, 2024 at 12:31 AM
You guys hear about the election over here? Crazy stuff
There's a bit of sadness when you're at a restaurant and the food isn't delivered by Your Server.
"and who ordered the Alfredo?"
You don't know us at all. Jenny would know. Jenny would know who ordered the Alfredo.
"and who ordered the Alfredo?"
You don't know us at all. Jenny would know. Jenny would know who ordered the Alfredo.
September 14, 2024 at 12:41 AM
There's a bit of sadness when you're at a restaurant and the food isn't delivered by Your Server.
"and who ordered the Alfredo?"
You don't know us at all. Jenny would know. Jenny would know who ordered the Alfredo.
"and who ordered the Alfredo?"
You don't know us at all. Jenny would know. Jenny would know who ordered the Alfredo.
Me: I'm sick can you take my shift?
Coworker: sure thing
me; thank you so much1
Coworker: sure thing
me; thank you so much1
November 30, 2023 at 5:41 AM
Me: I'm sick can you take my shift?
Coworker: sure thing
me; thank you so much1
Coworker: sure thing
me; thank you so much1
They should sell edibles at the airport with the slogan "make every flight a red eye". This would make approximately 600 billion dollars
November 25, 2023 at 4:18 AM
They should sell edibles at the airport with the slogan "make every flight a red eye". This would make approximately 600 billion dollars
Reposted by Kyle 🌱
Honestly, I’ve been laughing since yesterday at this.
October 26, 2023 at 11:37 AM
Honestly, I’ve been laughing since yesterday at this.
The difference between cows and cattle is that a cow wont use a litter box, but a cat'll
October 18, 2023 at 8:19 PM
The difference between cows and cattle is that a cow wont use a litter box, but a cat'll
[first day at Domino's]
Manager: oh and one more thing: don't fuck the pizzas
Me: haha
Asst Manager: seriously, don't fuck them
Cook: dont fuck the pizzas dude
Me: I'm n-
Customer: that guy's not gonna fuck my pizza is he?
Manager: not if he wants to keep his job he wont.
Manager: oh and one more thing: don't fuck the pizzas
Me: haha
Asst Manager: seriously, don't fuck them
Cook: dont fuck the pizzas dude
Me: I'm n-
Customer: that guy's not gonna fuck my pizza is he?
Manager: not if he wants to keep his job he wont.
July 4, 2023 at 5:20 AM
[first day at Domino's]
Manager: oh and one more thing: don't fuck the pizzas
Me: haha
Asst Manager: seriously, don't fuck them
Cook: dont fuck the pizzas dude
Me: I'm n-
Customer: that guy's not gonna fuck my pizza is he?
Manager: not if he wants to keep his job he wont.
Manager: oh and one more thing: don't fuck the pizzas
Me: haha
Asst Manager: seriously, don't fuck them
Cook: dont fuck the pizzas dude
Me: I'm n-
Customer: that guy's not gonna fuck my pizza is he?
Manager: not if he wants to keep his job he wont.
I "graduated" handler training at the raptor center and they gave me a falconer glove keychain, which is amazing, but also I love imagining a little imp or a gnomey feller using it to handle like a hummingbird or somethin
May 11, 2023 at 3:20 AM
I "graduated" handler training at the raptor center and they gave me a falconer glove keychain, which is amazing, but also I love imagining a little imp or a gnomey feller using it to handle like a hummingbird or somethin
Photoshopping in a blue check that I don't have on a screenshot of my to get more engagement on your instagram is weird as fuck
May 3, 2023 at 6:03 PM
Photoshopping in a blue check that I don't have on a screenshot of my to get more engagement on your instagram is weird as fuck
I give them permission to do all this actually. They can also spit in my mouth and tell me I need to work harder if I want mommy's approval
I do not give Bluesky or any entities associated with Bluesky permission to disclose, copy, distribute, or take action against me based on this profile and its contents. This violation can be punished by law (UCC 1-308-11
308-103 and the Rome Statute).
Reskeet to protect yourself.
308-103 and the Rome Statute).
Reskeet to protect yourself.
I do not give Bluesky or any entities associated with Bluesky permission to disclose, copy, distribute, or take action against me based on this profile and its contents. This violation can be punished by law (UCC 1-308-11
308-103 and the Rome Statute).
Reskeet to protect yourself.
308-103 and the Rome Statute).
Reskeet to protect yourself.
April 28, 2023 at 7:25 PM
I give them permission to do all this actually. They can also spit in my mouth and tell me I need to work harder if I want mommy's approval
Feels like these days everyone wants to shit but no one wants to wipe. This is, society
April 27, 2023 at 8:29 PM
Feels like these days everyone wants to shit but no one wants to wipe. This is, society
I don't think this place is for you friendo
I was one of the earlier Twitter blue subscribers before Elon musk took over. I would gladly resub if the same thing was offered here without all the bs.
So far everything here seems all well and good but I'm really wishing there was some way I could pay 8 dollars for this. Anyone looking into this?
April 27, 2023 at 6:26 PM
I don't think this place is for you friendo