John, The
@juanadog.bsky.social
Burt Selleck Podcast. Parking Lot Salad Podcast.
The most important thing a dad can do is cup check their sons at least twice a week.
October 26, 2025 at 2:01 AM
The most important thing a dad can do is cup check their sons at least twice a week.
Was stoked for that rapture to hit because I wanted to see the winners get sucked up into the sky while I smoked weed on my porch.
October 9, 2025 at 5:09 PM
Was stoked for that rapture to hit because I wanted to see the winners get sucked up into the sky while I smoked weed on my porch.
Reposted by John, The
*emerges from vape cloud to peruse your yard sale knickknacks
July 19, 2025 at 10:46 AM
*emerges from vape cloud to peruse your yard sale knickknacks
Reposted by John, The
Shit is so bad, when the GPS tells me my destination is on the "right", I make 3 left turns.
July 19, 2025 at 1:18 PM
Shit is so bad, when the GPS tells me my destination is on the "right", I make 3 left turns.
Reposted by John, The
using my company gas card but also getting 7-11 rewards at the same time and about every month I get a free big gulp out of the deal these suckers aren’t smart enough to ever catch me
July 21, 2025 at 10:08 PM
using my company gas card but also getting 7-11 rewards at the same time and about every month I get a free big gulp out of the deal these suckers aren’t smart enough to ever catch me
Reposted by John, The
these gym bros haven’t invited me to lift with them they must not have seen my PURE GAINS pop socket yet
July 20, 2025 at 5:44 PM
these gym bros haven’t invited me to lift with them they must not have seen my PURE GAINS pop socket yet
Reposted by John, The
I hate to be be the negative nancy here but ozzy has been dead for a long time. it's been a full on weekend at bernies sitch in the osbourne house
July 22, 2025 at 6:58 PM
I hate to be be the negative nancy here but ozzy has been dead for a long time. it's been a full on weekend at bernies sitch in the osbourne house
Did a bunch of coke last week. It’s a young man’s game. Felt like Danny Glover in Lethal Weapon.
July 22, 2025 at 7:00 PM
Did a bunch of coke last week. It’s a young man’s game. Felt like Danny Glover in Lethal Weapon.
Ejacuvate seems like it should be a word.
July 18, 2025 at 2:10 AM
Ejacuvate seems like it should be a word.
Anytime I see a quote I like attributed to someone I sign it “Me, too”.
May 7, 2025 at 6:44 PM
Anytime I see a quote I like attributed to someone I sign it “Me, too”.
Reposted by John, The
"We use cookies to enhance your browsing experience."
Amateurs, I use cookies to enhance every experience.
Amateurs, I use cookies to enhance every experience.
April 24, 2025 at 1:26 PM
"We use cookies to enhance your browsing experience."
Amateurs, I use cookies to enhance every experience.
Amateurs, I use cookies to enhance every experience.
Reposted by John, The
I say I'm okay with change but the third time my schedule is changed someone's head explodes and I can't be responsible for whose it is
April 24, 2025 at 5:21 PM
I say I'm okay with change but the third time my schedule is changed someone's head explodes and I can't be responsible for whose it is
Reposted by John, The
If you die having sex on a craftmatic adjustable bed you die in real life
April 24, 2025 at 5:37 PM
If you die having sex on a craftmatic adjustable bed you die in real life
Reposted by John, The
BOSS: Are you high?
ME: If I was high could I do this?
BOSS: What? You aren't doing anything
ME: sorry I'm super high. What was the question?
ME: If I was high could I do this?
BOSS: What? You aren't doing anything
ME: sorry I'm super high. What was the question?
April 24, 2025 at 12:42 PM
BOSS: Are you high?
ME: If I was high could I do this?
BOSS: What? You aren't doing anything
ME: sorry I'm super high. What was the question?
ME: If I was high could I do this?
BOSS: What? You aren't doing anything
ME: sorry I'm super high. What was the question?
Reposted by John, The
the new pope should wear two hats to establish dominance
April 21, 2025 at 8:06 PM
the new pope should wear two hats to establish dominance
Reposted by John, The
My work IT department wants to know how I destroyed only the B,O, and S keys on my keyboard after just one month.
They think I've been searching the internet for boobs but I've actually been looking at pictures of my favourite Bobs.
They think I've been searching the internet for boobs but I've actually been looking at pictures of my favourite Bobs.
April 25, 2025 at 5:29 PM
My work IT department wants to know how I destroyed only the B,O, and S keys on my keyboard after just one month.
They think I've been searching the internet for boobs but I've actually been looking at pictures of my favourite Bobs.
They think I've been searching the internet for boobs but I've actually been looking at pictures of my favourite Bobs.
Reposted by John, The
I like to wait for the server in an Italian restaurant to offer extra parmesan and have them sprinkle it on my plate until it overflows and fills the entire room so everyone is just swimming in cheese.
April 15, 2025 at 8:05 PM
I like to wait for the server in an Italian restaurant to offer extra parmesan and have them sprinkle it on my plate until it overflows and fills the entire room so everyone is just swimming in cheese.
Reposted by John, The
In Chip and Dale, there's a crime kingpin called Fat Cat who has a mole in his gang. My daughter asked what he did, and I said he's a criminal.
She dead ass looked at me, raised one eyebrow, and said, "More like crimimole," and I've never written anything better.
She dead ass looked at me, raised one eyebrow, and said, "More like crimimole," and I've never written anything better.
April 16, 2025 at 6:32 AM
In Chip and Dale, there's a crime kingpin called Fat Cat who has a mole in his gang. My daughter asked what he did, and I said he's a criminal.
She dead ass looked at me, raised one eyebrow, and said, "More like crimimole," and I've never written anything better.
She dead ass looked at me, raised one eyebrow, and said, "More like crimimole," and I've never written anything better.
*America in 3 years*
Her: Welcome to Wendy’s what can I get you?
Me: Just a gun. A small one, loaded, please.
Her: Pull around.
Her: Welcome to Wendy’s what can I get you?
Me: Just a gun. A small one, loaded, please.
Her: Pull around.
April 25, 2025 at 8:32 PM
*America in 3 years*
Her: Welcome to Wendy’s what can I get you?
Me: Just a gun. A small one, loaded, please.
Her: Pull around.
Her: Welcome to Wendy’s what can I get you?
Me: Just a gun. A small one, loaded, please.
Her: Pull around.
When I see astronauts doing goofy shit in space like playing w fidget spinners or dressing up like a gorilla it makes me wanna shut down nasa…fix the ozone layer or set up some space lasers pointed at our enemies….then have fun.
April 21, 2025 at 5:46 PM
When I see astronauts doing goofy shit in space like playing w fidget spinners or dressing up like a gorilla it makes me wanna shut down nasa…fix the ozone layer or set up some space lasers pointed at our enemies….then have fun.
Jerking off then Maroon 5 comes on & you have to stop & wait for the song to finish so all your neighbors don’t think your gay.
April 16, 2025 at 2:41 PM
Jerking off then Maroon 5 comes on & you have to stop & wait for the song to finish so all your neighbors don’t think your gay.
Reposted by John, The
Yeah I have a healthy relationship with social media, I broke up with all those toxic gold digging psycho sites and now I'm only seeing Bluesky.
March 24, 2025 at 6:32 PM
Yeah I have a healthy relationship with social media, I broke up with all those toxic gold digging psycho sites and now I'm only seeing Bluesky.
Reposted by John, The
Imagine dying and the only thing that flashes before your eyes is hardcore porn with intermissions of showering in the fetal position.
March 23, 2025 at 9:06 PM
Imagine dying and the only thing that flashes before your eyes is hardcore porn with intermissions of showering in the fetal position.
Reposted by John, The
Some people romanticize coffee but I just want to take it to pound town.
March 23, 2025 at 12:51 PM
Some people romanticize coffee but I just want to take it to pound town.
Reposted by John, The
Montage of me committing horrific vengeful acts onto my enemies, ending with me on my knees in an empty church, head bowed… but as the camera pans around it’s revealed I’m merely taking a sandwich break between killings
April 6, 2025 at 1:57 AM
Montage of me committing horrific vengeful acts onto my enemies, ending with me on my knees in an empty church, head bowed… but as the camera pans around it’s revealed I’m merely taking a sandwich break between killings