Jason
@jasongarner.swifties.social
I wasn't good at Twitter and I'm not gonna be good at this, either
Well, dang. Opalite is the greatest music video I have ever seen or will ever see.
February 6, 2026 at 1:13 PM
Well, dang. Opalite is the greatest music video I have ever seen or will ever see.
Am I on drugs or did I just hear Al Pacino's "one inch" monologue from Any Given Sunday in a god-damned Pfizer commercial? I really hope I'm on drugs.
February 4, 2026 at 2:20 PM
Am I on drugs or did I just hear Al Pacino's "one inch" monologue from Any Given Sunday in a god-damned Pfizer commercial? I really hope I'm on drugs.
You can have your groundhogs but as for me and mine we are a Sand Mountain Sam-fearing house
Sand Mountain Sam from Albertville, Alabama — GROUNDHOG-DAY.com
Sand Mountain Sam is an oracle Opossum from Albertville in Alabama, USA. In 2026, Sam did not make a prediction.
groundhog-day.com
February 2, 2026 at 12:26 PM
You can have your groundhogs but as for me and mine we are a Sand Mountain Sam-fearing house
Jelly Roll could've ended that with an altar call and I wouldn't have batted an eye
February 2, 2026 at 2:28 AM
Jelly Roll could've ended that with an altar call and I wouldn't have batted an eye
I ain't realize Lola Young had all that in her pocket, damn
February 2, 2026 at 1:46 AM
I ain't realize Lola Young had all that in her pocket, damn
"Wrecking the Kennedy Center this badly in a single year" has somehow surpassed "bankrupted a casino"
Trump: "I have determined that the fastest way to bring The Trump Kennedy Center to the highest level of Success, Beauty, and Grandeur, is to cease Entertainment Operations for an approximately two year period of time, with a scheduled Grand Reopening that will rival and surpass anything."
February 1, 2026 at 11:45 PM
"Wrecking the Kennedy Center this badly in a single year" has somehow surpassed "bankrupted a casino"
Well fuck this year
Catherine O'Hara, the actor who starred as Kate McCallister in “Home Alone,” has died at 71, TMZ reports
Catherine O'Hara Dead at 71
Catherine O'Hara -- famous for her work in "Schitt's Creek," "Home Alone," and "Best In Show" -- is dead ... TMZ has learned.
www.tmz.com
January 30, 2026 at 6:40 PM
Well fuck this year
Bluesky should change the "30+" tag when you have a lot of notifications to say "oh no" instead
January 26, 2026 at 6:04 PM
Bluesky should change the "30+" tag when you have a lot of notifications to say "oh no" instead
This mf weatherman talking about thundersleet now
January 25, 2026 at 11:21 PM
This mf weatherman talking about thundersleet now
Ice storm still ain't here, I'm about to run my sprinklers just so I didn't buy all this food for nothing
January 25, 2026 at 6:36 AM
Ice storm still ain't here, I'm about to run my sprinklers just so I didn't buy all this food for nothing
Fucked around at Costco and now I gotta salt my driveway with Fleur de Sel
January 24, 2026 at 3:20 AM
Fucked around at Costco and now I gotta salt my driveway with Fleur de Sel
Shout out to that one lady at the Publix deli counter that makes subs like she’s trying to bankrupt the store
January 21, 2026 at 10:06 PM
Shout out to that one lady at the Publix deli counter that makes subs like she’s trying to bankrupt the store
Wise move for Indiana to forgo doing BTA on Michael Irvin, the optics of that would not have played well in these divided times
January 20, 2026 at 4:21 AM
Wise move for Indiana to forgo doing BTA on Michael Irvin, the optics of that would not have played well in these divided times
Gods I just saw Cur Cignetti smile
It was terrifying
It was terrifying
January 20, 2026 at 4:18 AM
Gods I just saw Cur Cignetti smile
It was terrifying
It was terrifying
Can't believe they're making these two teams play for the CFP at a dang racetrack, just disrespectful
January 20, 2026 at 12:08 AM
Can't believe they're making these two teams play for the CFP at a dang racetrack, just disrespectful
If it is your first day on earth might I suggest going somewhere other than Costco on a Saturday
Leaving your cart in front of the deli to go look at the food samples is rookie behavior and we cannot have that on game day. Do that on a Tuesday or something
Leaving your cart in front of the deli to go look at the food samples is rookie behavior and we cannot have that on game day. Do that on a Tuesday or something
January 17, 2026 at 5:17 PM
If it is your first day on earth might I suggest going somewhere other than Costco on a Saturday
Leaving your cart in front of the deli to go look at the food samples is rookie behavior and we cannot have that on game day. Do that on a Tuesday or something
Leaving your cart in front of the deli to go look at the food samples is rookie behavior and we cannot have that on game day. Do that on a Tuesday or something
The Nobel committee is going to award the next Peace Prize to whoever does it
January 16, 2026 at 2:53 AM
The Nobel committee is going to award the next Peace Prize to whoever does it
Red Bull out here posting smut with the RB22 unveiling
January 16, 2026 at 2:49 AM
Red Bull out here posting smut with the RB22 unveiling
Hooray now I am registered for a draw for a time slot to buy tickets to the Olympics that many countries will be prohibited from attending
Wait what
Wait what
Registration for a time slot to buy tickets for the 2028 Olympics is a tremendous pain in the ass, gg everyone
January 14, 2026 at 3:49 PM
Hooray now I am registered for a draw for a time slot to buy tickets to the Olympics that many countries will be prohibited from attending
Wait what
Wait what
Registration for a time slot to buy tickets for the 2028 Olympics is a tremendous pain in the ass, gg everyone
January 14, 2026 at 3:18 PM
Registration for a time slot to buy tickets for the 2028 Olympics is a tremendous pain in the ass, gg everyone
Finally, Dilbert is funny
January 13, 2026 at 3:58 PM
Finally, Dilbert is funny
Girl Scout cookie order came in. Adventurefuls are still GOATed, but new entrant Exploremores is having a strong rookie outing. Samoas & Tagalongs remain solid performers. Do-Si-Dos have good fundamentals but I fear we're only keeping Lemon-Ups on the team for nostalgia & it's hurting the cost cap
January 12, 2026 at 3:36 PM
Girl Scout cookie order came in. Adventurefuls are still GOATed, but new entrant Exploremores is having a strong rookie outing. Samoas & Tagalongs remain solid performers. Do-Si-Dos have good fundamentals but I fear we're only keeping Lemon-Ups on the team for nostalgia & it's hurting the cost cap
The Golden Globes are running Polymarket segments now? Someone please drive to my home and shoot me. I will reimburse you for gas.
January 12, 2026 at 1:36 AM
The Golden Globes are running Polymarket segments now? Someone please drive to my home and shoot me. I will reimburse you for gas.