Jason
@jasongarner.swifties.social
I wasn't good at Twitter and I'm not gonna be good at this, either
At this point your ass does not have a bruise. Your bruise has an ass.
February 5, 2026 at 3:00 AM
At this point your ass does not have a bruise. Your bruise has an ass.
Am I on drugs or did I just hear Al Pacino's "one inch" monologue from Any Given Sunday in a god-damned Pfizer commercial? I really hope I'm on drugs.
February 4, 2026 at 2:20 PM
Am I on drugs or did I just hear Al Pacino's "one inch" monologue from Any Given Sunday in a god-damned Pfizer commercial? I really hope I'm on drugs.
Lies, we are all annoying and washed up
February 2, 2026 at 3:06 PM
Lies, we are all annoying and washed up
You can have your groundhogs but as for me and mine we are a Sand Mountain Sam-fearing house
Sand Mountain Sam from Albertville, Alabama — GROUNDHOG-DAY.com
Sand Mountain Sam is an oracle Opossum from Albertville in Alabama, USA. In 2026, Sam did not make a prediction.
groundhog-day.com
February 2, 2026 at 12:26 PM
You can have your groundhogs but as for me and mine we are a Sand Mountain Sam-fearing house
Jelly Roll could've ended that with an altar call and I wouldn't have batted an eye
February 2, 2026 at 2:28 AM
Jelly Roll could've ended that with an altar call and I wouldn't have batted an eye
I ain't realize Lola Young had all that in her pocket, damn
February 2, 2026 at 1:46 AM
I ain't realize Lola Young had all that in her pocket, damn
This tag is undefeated
February 2, 2026 at 1:21 AM
This tag is undefeated
"Wrecking the Kennedy Center this badly in a single year" has somehow surpassed "bankrupted a casino"
Trump: "I have determined that the fastest way to bring The Trump Kennedy Center to the highest level of Success, Beauty, and Grandeur, is to cease Entertainment Operations for an approximately two year period of time, with a scheduled Grand Reopening that will rival and surpass anything."
February 1, 2026 at 11:45 PM
"Wrecking the Kennedy Center this badly in a single year" has somehow surpassed "bankrupted a casino"
This is actually how it feels visiting Asheville lately
January 30, 2026 at 7:50 PM
This is actually how it feels visiting Asheville lately
Some of them end up running Alpine even after catching a lifetime ban though so let's not totally discount it as a possible path
January 30, 2026 at 7:17 PM
Some of them end up running Alpine even after catching a lifetime ban though so let's not totally discount it as a possible path
Well fuck this year
Catherine O'Hara, the actor who starred as Kate McCallister in “Home Alone,” has died at 71, TMZ reports
Catherine O'Hara Dead at 71
Catherine O'Hara -- famous for her work in "Schitt's Creek," "Home Alone," and "Best In Show" -- is dead ... TMZ has learned.
www.tmz.com
January 30, 2026 at 6:40 PM
Well fuck this year
To go directly from making a movie called Caught Stealing to this is a funnier bit than anything a hack like Aronofsky has any right to do
January 29, 2026 at 8:00 PM
To go directly from making a movie called Caught Stealing to this is a funnier bit than anything a hack like Aronofsky has any right to do
I've missed him, sort of
January 29, 2026 at 4:53 PM
I've missed him, sort of
Bluesky should change the "30+" tag when you have a lot of notifications to say "oh no" instead
January 26, 2026 at 6:04 PM
Bluesky should change the "30+" tag when you have a lot of notifications to say "oh no" instead
The car accident that makes you a Nazi and the subreddit that teaches you to love again
January 26, 2026 at 2:51 PM
The car accident that makes you a Nazi and the subreddit that teaches you to love again
Barging into your house uninvited, stealing all your baubles and trinkets, and blaming the Spanish conquistador in me
January 26, 2026 at 2:48 AM
Barging into your house uninvited, stealing all your baubles and trinkets, and blaming the Spanish conquistador in me
This mf weatherman talking about thundersleet now
January 25, 2026 at 11:21 PM
This mf weatherman talking about thundersleet now
Ice storm still ain't here, I'm about to run my sprinklers just so I didn't buy all this food for nothing
January 25, 2026 at 6:36 AM
Ice storm still ain't here, I'm about to run my sprinklers just so I didn't buy all this food for nothing
Fucked around at Costco and now I gotta salt my driveway with Fleur de Sel
January 24, 2026 at 3:20 AM
Fucked around at Costco and now I gotta salt my driveway with Fleur de Sel
Paul Mescal is young and he's going to continue to do great work. If he didn't make the cut because Delroy Lindo finally did after all his rock-solid performances, that's a trade I'll take any day
January 22, 2026 at 2:04 PM
Paul Mescal is young and he's going to continue to do great work. If he didn't make the cut because Delroy Lindo finally did after all his rock-solid performances, that's a trade I'll take any day
You can't prove that
January 21, 2026 at 10:32 PM
You can't prove that
Shout out to that one lady at the Publix deli counter that makes subs like she’s trying to bankrupt the store
January 21, 2026 at 10:06 PM
Shout out to that one lady at the Publix deli counter that makes subs like she’s trying to bankrupt the store
An Englishman speaking without being spoken to? World really is falling apart
January 21, 2026 at 2:16 PM
An Englishman speaking without being spoken to? World really is falling apart
Holy shit he really does look like Ren in real life
January 20, 2026 at 2:49 PM
Holy shit he really does look like Ren in real life