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jasongarner.swifties.social
Jason
@jasongarner.swifties.social
410 followers 340 following 4.8K posts
I wasn't good at Twitter and I'm not gonna be good at this, either
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jasongarner.swifties.social
Be careful everybody, my dog got too hot in front of the fireplace and melted
A white pitbull mix lying (mostly) on a dog bed in front of a lot fireplace. His butt is aimed at the fire and his head has slid off the opposite side of the bed and is beginning to puddle on the floor. He is glaring at the camera, apparently upset that I have captured his soul
November 12, 2025 at 12:44 PM
jasongarner.swifties.social
Fuck it, I'm counting this as seeing the northern lights in central SC
A night mode picture of the northern sky from my back door. The trees are very orange but are also blocking a lot of the sky. Just barely visible in the top center is a slightly lighter colored wish that is as much northern lights as it's going to get this far south
November 12, 2025 at 2:58 AM
jasongarner.swifties.social
Anyway: fuck, marry, kill with the Morgan boys (impossible level)
The three scions of the Morgan & Morgan ambulance chaser empire in a screencap from one of the firm's six million commercials. They have names but these are unimportant as the three are thoroughly indistinguishable, like three stunt doubles from different seasons of The Bachelor, or background actors from a Tubi movie set in a second-rate fraternity's house. They are all wearing suits in such a way that suggests both that they were born in a Brooks Brothers fitting room and that this is their first day on earth in their human skins. Each of them wears their hair combed straight back like Gordon Gekko is their style icon. In an attempt to fool the viewer into thinking they are measurably different, each is wearing a slightly different-colored suit. The illusion does not work.
October 21, 2025 at 1:34 PM
jasongarner.swifties.social
*taps the sign*
ddlovato GET A JOB ddlovato STAY AWAY FROM HER
October 17, 2025 at 10:02 PM
jasongarner.swifties.social
Buying concert tickets in 2025 is an excellent experience, so much better than just going to the actual venue and buying tickets from a person. Being in a line like this for a 35-year-old band is Good, Actually.
YOU ARE NOW IN THE QUEUE 30997 PEOPLE AHEAD OF YOU
October 8, 2025 at 4:07 PM
jasongarner.swifties.social
It is important for the culture of every social media site to ratio the CEO loudly and often
Jay @jay.bsky.team 3h Replied to lucas, ho chi minh thot WAFFLES [Replies] 564 [Reskeets] 342 [Likes] 151
October 1, 2025 at 6:56 PM
jasongarner.swifties.social
I'm not running through all the songs but it looks like it's for real based off Ready For It
Lyrics to Taylor Swift's "...Ready For It?" that are all in lowercase, except for a capital T in "baby, leT the games begin" and later "baby, let the games begin"
September 30, 2025 at 7:19 PM
jasongarner.swifties.social
Started my day with this baby grasshopper being an absolute ho on my office window
The underside of a small grasshopper, sitting on a window and photographed from inside. Its hind legs are spread wide. This thing is doing the splits and if this was a person you could see all their secrets.
September 24, 2025 at 5:05 PM
jasongarner.swifties.social
If Syracuse can pull this off I need this picture recreated with Dabo
Then-Ohio State coach Urban Meyer eating the saddest pizza of his life on a golf cart in a tunnel after getting stomped out of the 2013 B1G Championship
September 20, 2025 at 4:39 PM
jasongarner.swifties.social
I'm rich, bitches!
Jason, You have received a Virtual Prepaid Mastercard in the amount of $23.46 as your Facebook Consumer Privacy Settlement payment. To activate and use your card, please click the
September 16, 2025 at 11:39 AM
jasongarner.swifties.social
We're only responsible for two of these deviants
A Norman Rockwell-esque tableau of three dogs playing on a deck. The two smaller dogs, both Chihuahua mixes, one white and one brown, are engaged in humping on the left. This time, the white dog has agency. The third dog, a comparatively larger white pit mix, looks on from the right awaiting his turn. The sun shines on this slice of Americana.
August 27, 2025 at 1:48 PM
jasongarner.swifties.social
The resistance:
A dude's hand without a thumb. It looks like a giant flesh fork.
August 12, 2025 at 1:28 PM
jasongarner.swifties.social
This is my penance for being week and dozing off for ten minutes
TAYLOR SWIFT You're in line to check out Estimated wait time: 29 minutes
August 12, 2025 at 5:19 AM
jasongarner.swifties.social
You can just mix up a basset hound and a pit bull and get a secret third kind of dog. Or a chihuahua and a jack russell if your lifestyle demamds a smaller pet
The basset hound pit bull mix in question, a bigfooted stumpy hippopotamus with a white coat, galloping through some grass The chihuahua jack russell, smiling at the camera. He is white with brown ears and a brown spot or two. He is approximately the size of a cicada, twice as noisy, and many times more cuddly
August 7, 2025 at 3:34 PM
jasongarner.swifties.social
Here, take a little guy
A tiny white dog with brown spots laying on some of the filthiest carpet you ever did see. He eyes are bugged but his heart is pure.
August 5, 2025 at 8:12 PM
jasongarner.swifties.social
He's reloading
A chunky white dog curled up asleep on a couch arm
July 29, 2025 at 2:28 AM
jasongarner.swifties.social
How I know I follow exactly the right number of people
The replied-to post by glitterburrito. Immediately below it in my timeline is a post by Mia Farrow
July 27, 2025 at 1:31 AM
jasongarner.swifties.social
This is the article the people really want to read
Clip of the above link card showing the URL has been truncated to read "theonion.com/man-ass..."
July 24, 2025 at 2:03 PM
jasongarner.swifties.social
*five minutes after arriving in Saskatchewan*
GOB Bluth from Arrested Development, lying on a hospital bed while wearing a hospital gown, saying "I've made a huge mistake."
July 23, 2025 at 4:24 PM
jasongarner.swifties.social
New weird little guy just dropped
A milkweed assassin bug, lurking on a spent hibiscus bloom with a black leaf on the left. Another assassin lurks in the background, menacingly #gardensky
July 10, 2025 at 9:37 PM
jasongarner.swifties.social
Nute Gunray from The Phantom Menace, caption has been edited to read "This is getting out of hand. Now there are EIGHT of them!"
July 1, 2025 at 12:43 PM
jasongarner.swifties.social
Behold, my hibiscus with four blossoms at once. It is very slutty and I love it 🌱
A potted hibiscus plant on a stone patio. Its leaves are very dark, almost purple, and the four large flowers are deep pink in the center fading to white at the edges
June 27, 2025 at 3:35 PM
jasongarner.swifties.social
I'm afraid to ask what Speedbump got into that this is the only dirty spot on him but at least he's proud of himself
June 27, 2025 at 2:50 PM
jasongarner.swifties.social
I would do deeply immoral things for rain at this point
An instan -read IR thermometer aimed at a patch of artificial turf grass. It reads 153 degrees F (for Freedom) which is 67 C (for Corny-ass Countries)
June 25, 2025 at 8:34 PM
jasongarner.swifties.social
Yoooo my hibiscuses are finally hibiscus-ing lfg
A large hibiscus blossom, dark pink in the center radiating out to white at the edges with dark pink streaks throughout. A long yellow pistil hangs in the middle. If you're going through a dry spell it may look enough like a tit to get the job done
June 20, 2025 at 12:16 PM