Red Toads 🏆🛡️💩
@fwtoads.bsky.social
8.7 miles from Selhurst Park. Played for Real Social Dads. Drummer for The Epsom Downs Syndrome. Fat Guardiola. Married to Carla Ancelotti/Russell Grant. Dad to Jane Rambo. Part-time Yehudi. G(r)eek. South London’s Red Blue Army. “Is this comedian joking?”
Day 29: “careful planning”
January 29, 2026 at 10:14 AM
Day 29: “careful planning”
Play Talking Heads
January 28, 2026 at 2:29 PM
Play Talking Heads
Kill it with fire.
January 27, 2026 at 9:02 PM
Kill it with fire.
Rough approximation of what would be our greatest ever football shirt. #CPFC
Anyone with any snide Viet Cong or Chinese manufacturing contacts able to get a run off of these for a decent price?
Anyone with any snide Viet Cong or Chinese manufacturing contacts able to get a run off of these for a decent price?
January 27, 2026 at 12:02 AM
Rough approximation of what would be our greatest ever football shirt. #CPFC
Anyone with any snide Viet Cong or Chinese manufacturing contacts able to get a run off of these for a decent price?
Anyone with any snide Viet Cong or Chinese manufacturing contacts able to get a run off of these for a decent price?
The come Arsenal bro contingent are on Ebs’ back every time he touches the ball.
Been a dreadful eight months for everyone associated with CPFC’s FA Cup win.
Been a dreadful eight months for everyone associated with CPFC’s FA Cup win.
January 25, 2026 at 6:02 PM
The come Arsenal bro contingent are on Ebs’ back every time he touches the ball.
Been a dreadful eight months for everyone associated with CPFC’s FA Cup win.
Been a dreadful eight months for everyone associated with CPFC’s FA Cup win.
“Out of interest, Mr Snake, what did you see in him that was worth 35 bags?”
January 25, 2026 at 5:07 PM
“Out of interest, Mr Snake, what did you see in him that was worth 35 bags?”
In other football news, when did Michael Carrick start wearing Noel Gallagher?
January 25, 2026 at 4:54 PM
In other football news, when did Michael Carrick start wearing Noel Gallagher?
Parish has not had a wank since Roy left and we started looking like being able to put a glove on the bigger sides.
Not tonight, he’ll be putting his arm in a sling.
#handicapYourManagerFC
Not tonight, he’ll be putting his arm in a sling.
#handicapYourManagerFC
January 25, 2026 at 3:12 PM
Parish has not had a wank since Roy left and we started looking like being able to put a glove on the bigger sides.
Not tonight, he’ll be putting his arm in a sling.
#handicapYourManagerFC
Not tonight, he’ll be putting his arm in a sling.
#handicapYourManagerFC
Palace transfer window, day 24
January 24, 2026 at 12:26 PM
Palace transfer window, day 24
Palace fans, pick your warrior.
Mousey Tongue or Buffalo Blow
Mousey Tongue or Buffalo Blow
January 23, 2026 at 3:45 PM
Palace fans, pick your warrior.
Mousey Tongue or Buffalo Blow
Mousey Tongue or Buffalo Blow
January 23, 2026 at 3:21 PM
Carla spent half an hour ranting that her new “heated blanket” was broken and that we’d have to return it: “yes, I’ve read the manual!”.
Meanwhile our three year old presses a button and it magically starts working.
“Here you go Mama, you can stop shouting now”.
No-one funnier than your kids.
Meanwhile our three year old presses a button and it magically starts working.
“Here you go Mama, you can stop shouting now”.
No-one funnier than your kids.
January 21, 2026 at 10:12 PM
Carla spent half an hour ranting that her new “heated blanket” was broken and that we’d have to return it: “yes, I’ve read the manual!”.
Meanwhile our three year old presses a button and it magically starts working.
“Here you go Mama, you can stop shouting now”.
No-one funnier than your kids.
Meanwhile our three year old presses a button and it magically starts working.
“Here you go Mama, you can stop shouting now”.
No-one funnier than your kids.
I’ve seen that quiff on the NY Times logo before: most recently mugging an old Venezuelan woman for her bling.
While I understand ‘this is just how it works’, Crystal Palace losing their best player, captain, manager & the Europa League in the eight months after their greatest day is a brutal reminder that football doesn’t allow smaller clubs to be happy for long.
www.nytimes.com/athletic/698...
www.nytimes.com/athletic/698...
The moral of Palace's demise? Smaller clubs can't have nice things
www.nytimes.com
January 21, 2026 at 5:11 PM
I’ve seen that quiff on the NY Times logo before: most recently mugging an old Venezuelan woman for her bling.
That’s the name for my new all-male vocal harmony group sorted
January 20, 2026 at 4:10 PM
That’s the name for my new all-male vocal harmony group sorted
Your Nana when the Germans rock up in Benidorm
Had no idea #TowelTheft was THIS BAD at the AFCON last night.
Look at the state of these bastards. Senegal’s sub keeper having to guard and hand Mendy his towel, fighting off ball boys and Moroccan players trying to thieve it.
Look at the state of these bastards. Senegal’s sub keeper having to guard and hand Mendy his towel, fighting off ball boys and Moroccan players trying to thieve it.
January 19, 2026 at 12:13 PM
Your Nana when the Germans rock up in Benidorm
Scenes when Oli Glasner leads Palace out for the opening game of the 26/27 season. 👀
January 18, 2026 at 6:31 PM
Scenes when Oli Glasner leads Palace out for the opening game of the 26/27 season. 👀
Not enough characters to lay out all my thoughts on the Palace situation that have kept me awake all night.
All I would say is that for the bruised egos of the multi-million and billionaires involved, the fans have been denied the limited window to say goodbye to the architects of our greatest day.
All I would say is that for the bruised egos of the multi-million and billionaires involved, the fans have been denied the limited window to say goodbye to the architects of our greatest day.
January 18, 2026 at 9:56 AM
Not enough characters to lay out all my thoughts on the Palace situation that have kept me awake all night.
All I would say is that for the bruised egos of the multi-million and billionaires involved, the fans have been denied the limited window to say goodbye to the architects of our greatest day.
All I would say is that for the bruised egos of the multi-million and billionaires involved, the fans have been denied the limited window to say goodbye to the architects of our greatest day.
“Before you have me carted off to the funny farm, Dad, I need to tell you happened the weekend after Macclesfield” 🫣
“Anyway, Dad… ahead of our defence of the cup, we were drawn away to Macclesfield. This is a new team, they play in the division below the old Vauxhall Conference”
“There’s something like 117 places between us, the most ever for a giant killing if we lose”
“We lost”
“Angel! My son is delirious”
“There’s something like 117 places between us, the most ever for a giant killing if we lose”
“We lost”
“Angel! My son is delirious”
My Dad in heaven: “how was the first European campaign, son?”
“Well, Dad; we had four home games before Xmas. We lost two of them: one to a team Mick Channon calls ‘the boy Larnaca’ and another one full of reindeer fiddlers named Chupa Chups.”
“LOL, son. At least the tickets must have been cheap?”
“Well, Dad; we had four home games before Xmas. We lost two of them: one to a team Mick Channon calls ‘the boy Larnaca’ and another one full of reindeer fiddlers named Chupa Chups.”
“LOL, son. At least the tickets must have been cheap?”
January 17, 2026 at 9:25 PM
“Before you have me carted off to the funny farm, Dad, I need to tell you happened the weekend after Macclesfield” 🫣
We can all have differing opinions on what’s happening to Palace without falling out.
Because those opinions come from the same place: the love for a football club that’s been passed down to us.
If you see an opinion you disagree with, debate it, move on or mute. No need to fall out. #CPFC
Because those opinions come from the same place: the love for a football club that’s been passed down to us.
If you see an opinion you disagree with, debate it, move on or mute. No need to fall out. #CPFC
January 17, 2026 at 6:19 PM
We can all have differing opinions on what’s happening to Palace without falling out.
Because those opinions come from the same place: the love for a football club that’s been passed down to us.
If you see an opinion you disagree with, debate it, move on or mute. No need to fall out. #CPFC
Because those opinions come from the same place: the love for a football club that’s been passed down to us.
If you see an opinion you disagree with, debate it, move on or mute. No need to fall out. #CPFC
Mr X arrives at Beak Street to negotiate the terms of his move to manage CPFC.
Mark Bright, Palace’s much coveted and renowned Head of Loans, opens the boardroom doors to introduce him to the Premier League’s best-paid executive, and the man whose ego he’ll need to assuage.
#wouldYouDoMe?I’dDoMe
Mark Bright, Palace’s much coveted and renowned Head of Loans, opens the boardroom doors to introduce him to the Premier League’s best-paid executive, and the man whose ego he’ll need to assuage.
#wouldYouDoMe?I’dDoMe
January 17, 2026 at 8:49 AM
Mr X arrives at Beak Street to negotiate the terms of his move to manage CPFC.
Mark Bright, Palace’s much coveted and renowned Head of Loans, opens the boardroom doors to introduce him to the Premier League’s best-paid executive, and the man whose ego he’ll need to assuage.
#wouldYouDoMe?I’dDoMe
Mark Bright, Palace’s much coveted and renowned Head of Loans, opens the boardroom doors to introduce him to the Premier League’s best-paid executive, and the man whose ego he’ll need to assuage.
#wouldYouDoMe?I’dDoMe