Drew Melbourne
@drewmelbourne.com
Neurodivergent geek author of A DARK HOLE DARKLY, the Percival Gynt space-fantasy series, and the graphic novel ARCHENEMIES.
www.drewmelbourne.com
(he/him)
www.drewmelbourne.com
(he/him)
Pinned
Drew Melbourne
@drewmelbourne.com
· Sep 18
A Dark Hole Darkly
Sometimes neurodivergence makes you a much SHITTIER detective.
www.drewmelbourne.com
His girlfriend says he doesn't have the temperament to solve his mom's murder.
She's probably right.
Don't believe the lies your TV tells you: Sometimes neurodivergence makes you a much SHITTIER detective.
A DARK HOLE DARKLY
A Detective's Story
Out now in ebook and paperback.
#ADHDetective
💙📚⚡️
She's probably right.
Don't believe the lies your TV tells you: Sometimes neurodivergence makes you a much SHITTIER detective.
A DARK HOLE DARKLY
A Detective's Story
Out now in ebook and paperback.
#ADHDetective
💙📚⚡️
And Tiny Tim Who Did Not Diet Coke (for a limited time, while supplies last)
And Tiny Tim, who did not die, had the time of his life, no, he never felt like this before, yes I swear, it's the truth, and he owes it all to Scrooge
And Tiny Tim, who did NOT die, where the shadows lie, One Tim to rule them all, One Tim to find them, One Tim to bring them all, and in the darkness, bind them.
December 25, 2025 at 3:33 PM
And Tiny Tim Who Did Not Diet Coke (for a limited time, while supplies last)
Is there any Christmas lyric more heartwarming than "Next year we may all be living in the past"?
December 24, 2025 at 6:38 PM
Is there any Christmas lyric more heartwarming than "Next year we may all be living in the past"?
People think of ITS A WONDERFUL LIFE as a really family-friendly movie, but really the plot is:
- Everything is terrible
- But it could be even worse
- So, whatever, I guess it's fine?
- Everything is terrible
- But it could be even worse
- So, whatever, I guess it's fine?
December 24, 2025 at 6:18 PM
People think of ITS A WONDERFUL LIFE as a really family-friendly movie, but really the plot is:
- Everything is terrible
- But it could be even worse
- So, whatever, I guess it's fine?
- Everything is terrible
- But it could be even worse
- So, whatever, I guess it's fine?
In hotel room without an iPad, so our kiddo has the remote and is discovering:
- Judge Judy
- The Price is Right
- Bob Ross
- Judge Judy
- The Price is Right
- Bob Ross
December 23, 2025 at 6:13 PM
In hotel room without an iPad, so our kiddo has the remote and is discovering:
- Judge Judy
- The Price is Right
- Bob Ross
- Judge Judy
- The Price is Right
- Bob Ross
Mommies Dearest: No Wire Hangers!
Sideways: No f***ing Merlot.
Me [packing games for holiday trip]: No. Uno.
Sideways: No f***ing Merlot.
Me [packing games for holiday trip]: No. Uno.
December 22, 2025 at 3:49 PM
Mommies Dearest: No Wire Hangers!
Sideways: No f***ing Merlot.
Me [packing games for holiday trip]: No. Uno.
Sideways: No f***ing Merlot.
Me [packing games for holiday trip]: No. Uno.
Over 12 days of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
12 drummers drumming,
22 pipers piping,
30 lords a-leaping,
36 ladies dancing,
40 maids a-milking,
42 swans a-swimming,
42 geese a-laying,
40 golden rings!
36 calling birds,
30 French hens,
22 turtle doves,
+ 12 partridges in 12 pear trees!
12 drummers drumming,
22 pipers piping,
30 lords a-leaping,
36 ladies dancing,
40 maids a-milking,
42 swans a-swimming,
42 geese a-laying,
40 golden rings!
36 calling birds,
30 French hens,
22 turtle doves,
+ 12 partridges in 12 pear trees!
December 20, 2025 at 5:07 AM
Over 12 days of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
12 drummers drumming,
22 pipers piping,
30 lords a-leaping,
36 ladies dancing,
40 maids a-milking,
42 swans a-swimming,
42 geese a-laying,
40 golden rings!
36 calling birds,
30 French hens,
22 turtle doves,
+ 12 partridges in 12 pear trees!
12 drummers drumming,
22 pipers piping,
30 lords a-leaping,
36 ladies dancing,
40 maids a-milking,
42 swans a-swimming,
42 geese a-laying,
40 golden rings!
36 calling birds,
30 French hens,
22 turtle doves,
+ 12 partridges in 12 pear trees!
Reposted by Drew Melbourne
As a disabled guy, I don't care that much about a few abled people faking disabilities. My concern lies with the myriad disabled people who have talked themselves into thinking they aren't disabled and hurt themselves over and over trying to stay invisible.
My mom does this. She’s legally blind, and managing leading her and holding onto luggage and getting through a terminal and not losing things is too much for my dad to manage on his own. This is the only way they can get help, so that’s what they do.
Travelers bemoan a rise of able-bodied passengers who game the system to skip the lines. on.wsj.com/3N6apva
December 19, 2025 at 6:00 AM
As a disabled guy, I don't care that much about a few abled people faking disabilities. My concern lies with the myriad disabled people who have talked themselves into thinking they aren't disabled and hurt themselves over and over trying to stay invisible.
Reposted by Drew Melbourne
Also just going to say this loudly until everyone gets it: MOST WHEELCHAIR USERS ARE AMBULATORY.
Just because someone can physically walk doesn't mean they "don't need" a wheelchair.
Just because someone can physically walk doesn't mean they "don't need" a wheelchair.
You see someone come on on a chair and then get up and walk off, it doesn’t mean shit. You don’t know what they’re dealing with and why they did that.
Truly mind your own business.
Truly mind your own business.
December 19, 2025 at 5:01 AM
Also just going to say this loudly until everyone gets it: MOST WHEELCHAIR USERS ARE AMBULATORY.
Just because someone can physically walk doesn't mean they "don't need" a wheelchair.
Just because someone can physically walk doesn't mean they "don't need" a wheelchair.
I think how I feel about this must be how othet people felt about Snakes on a Plane...
December 18, 2025 at 6:30 PM
I think how I feel about this must be how othet people felt about Snakes on a Plane...
Exchange that actually happened last night:
Drunk Woman: Do you know that song where it's snowing and a man keeps pestering a woman but she needs to work? I think Sinatra sang it?
Musician: I'm not su--
Drunk Woman: [leaves abruptly]
Me: I think she means Baby It's Cold Outside.
1/2
Drunk Woman: Do you know that song where it's snowing and a man keeps pestering a woman but she needs to work? I think Sinatra sang it?
Musician: I'm not su--
Drunk Woman: [leaves abruptly]
Me: I think she means Baby It's Cold Outside.
1/2
December 17, 2025 at 12:54 PM
Exchange that actually happened last night:
Drunk Woman: Do you know that song where it's snowing and a man keeps pestering a woman but she needs to work? I think Sinatra sang it?
Musician: I'm not su--
Drunk Woman: [leaves abruptly]
Me: I think she means Baby It's Cold Outside.
1/2
Drunk Woman: Do you know that song where it's snowing and a man keeps pestering a woman but she needs to work? I think Sinatra sang it?
Musician: I'm not su--
Drunk Woman: [leaves abruptly]
Me: I think she means Baby It's Cold Outside.
1/2
I'll be at Bellefonte Cafe in Wilmington, Delaware from 6pm to 8pm tonight, talking up my latest novel A DARK HOLE DARKLY.
It's a great location and they will probably sell you alcohol?!?
#writingcommunity
#indieauthor
💙📚⚡️
Details on Facebook:
www.facebook.com/share/r/1CBZ...
It's a great location and they will probably sell you alcohol?!?
#writingcommunity
#indieauthor
💙📚⚡️
Details on Facebook:
www.facebook.com/share/r/1CBZ...
December 16, 2025 at 9:50 PM
I'll be at Bellefonte Cafe in Wilmington, Delaware from 6pm to 8pm tonight, talking up my latest novel A DARK HOLE DARKLY.
It's a great location and they will probably sell you alcohol?!?
#writingcommunity
#indieauthor
💙📚⚡️
Details on Facebook:
www.facebook.com/share/r/1CBZ...
It's a great location and they will probably sell you alcohol?!?
#writingcommunity
#indieauthor
💙📚⚡️
Details on Facebook:
www.facebook.com/share/r/1CBZ...
Reposted by Drew Melbourne
Learned today that “Galápagos” comes from a Spanish word for tortoise, meaning that “Galápagos Tortoise” is,
in fact,
a tortology
in fact,
a tortology
December 13, 2025 at 9:49 PM
Learned today that “Galápagos” comes from a Spanish word for tortoise, meaning that “Galápagos Tortoise” is,
in fact,
a tortology
in fact,
a tortology
Holiday Shopping Idea #42:
Is your friend/family member/significant other/self bummed out that there's no new #doctorwho this Christmas?
Get them/them/them/yourself the complete Percival Gynt duology for that year-end blast of maximalist space-fantasy adventure comedy and existential escapism!
Is your friend/family member/significant other/self bummed out that there's no new #doctorwho this Christmas?
Get them/them/them/yourself the complete Percival Gynt duology for that year-end blast of maximalist space-fantasy adventure comedy and existential escapism!
The Percival Gynt Series
A Dark Past. An INCANDESCENT Future. Maximalist Space-Fantasy Adventure Comedy in the 201st Century.
www.drewmelbourne.com
December 15, 2025 at 4:28 PM
Holiday Shopping Idea #42:
Is your friend/family member/significant other/self bummed out that there's no new #doctorwho this Christmas?
Get them/them/them/yourself the complete Percival Gynt duology for that year-end blast of maximalist space-fantasy adventure comedy and existential escapism!
Is your friend/family member/significant other/self bummed out that there's no new #doctorwho this Christmas?
Get them/them/them/yourself the complete Percival Gynt duology for that year-end blast of maximalist space-fantasy adventure comedy and existential escapism!
I'll be at the Bellefonte Cafe in Wilmington this Tuesday alongside a couple other great authors to talk about my latest novel A DARK HOLE DARKLY (probably they'll talk about different novels) and hopefully sign some books!
Should be a fun time.
www.facebook.com/share/p/1FS6...
Should be a fun time.
www.facebook.com/share/p/1FS6...
December 13, 2025 at 5:08 AM
I'll be at the Bellefonte Cafe in Wilmington this Tuesday alongside a couple other great authors to talk about my latest novel A DARK HOLE DARKLY (probably they'll talk about different novels) and hopefully sign some books!
Should be a fun time.
www.facebook.com/share/p/1FS6...
Should be a fun time.
www.facebook.com/share/p/1FS6...
Wife thinks the holiday cards are going to go put late this year, but notably we never specified WHICH of your holidays should be happy.
New Years? MLK Day? Arbor Day???
New Years? MLK Day? Arbor Day???
December 12, 2025 at 2:38 PM
Wife thinks the holiday cards are going to go put late this year, but notably we never specified WHICH of your holidays should be happy.
New Years? MLK Day? Arbor Day???
New Years? MLK Day? Arbor Day???
Disney: We're Disney! You can't just steal our IP and get away with it.
OpenAI: Sorry sorry sorry. How much should we pay you for your IP?
Disney:
Disney: Um.
Disney:
Disney: Negative one billion dollars?
OpenAI: Sorry sorry sorry. How much should we pay you for your IP?
Disney:
Disney: Um.
Disney:
Disney: Negative one billion dollars?
December 12, 2025 at 12:48 PM
Disney: We're Disney! You can't just steal our IP and get away with it.
OpenAI: Sorry sorry sorry. How much should we pay you for your IP?
Disney:
Disney: Um.
Disney:
Disney: Negative one billion dollars?
OpenAI: Sorry sorry sorry. How much should we pay you for your IP?
Disney:
Disney: Um.
Disney:
Disney: Negative one billion dollars?
I think there's a cat in there...
December 11, 2025 at 5:22 PM
I think there's a cat in there...
Reposted by Drew Melbourne
My second read-through had me just shout-laughing and zooming in on details! Get your preorders in for DUNGEON CRAWL AT THE HAUNTED MALL! www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/804064...
December 10, 2025 at 10:54 PM
My second read-through had me just shout-laughing and zooming in on details! Get your preorders in for DUNGEON CRAWL AT THE HAUNTED MALL! www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/804064...
My main issue with microphones is that they're one millionth the size of regular phones.
December 10, 2025 at 7:41 PM
My main issue with microphones is that they're one millionth the size of regular phones.
Santa: And do you know the most famous reindeer of a--?
Our Kid: Dancer.
Santa: No. No, it's...
Santa: It's *Rudolph*
Our Kid:
Our Kid:
Our Kid: It's *Dancer*.
1/2
Our Kid: Dancer.
Santa: No. No, it's...
Santa: It's *Rudolph*
Our Kid:
Our Kid:
Our Kid: It's *Dancer*.
1/2
December 7, 2025 at 8:59 PM
Santa: And do you know the most famous reindeer of a--?
Our Kid: Dancer.
Santa: No. No, it's...
Santa: It's *Rudolph*
Our Kid:
Our Kid:
Our Kid: It's *Dancer*.
1/2
Our Kid: Dancer.
Santa: No. No, it's...
Santa: It's *Rudolph*
Our Kid:
Our Kid:
Our Kid: It's *Dancer*.
1/2
That's a nice routine you got there. It'd be a shame if somebody came along, followed it for a little while, it worked real good for them, they got really excited, but then it gradually stopped working for them.
December 7, 2025 at 2:28 PM
That's a nice routine you got there. It'd be a shame if somebody came along, followed it for a little while, it worked real good for them, they got really excited, but then it gradually stopped working for them.
Honest Titles:
A DARK HOLE DARKLY >>
Surprise! (You're Also Neurodivergent)
PERCIVAL GYNT AND THE CONSPIRACY OF DAYS >>
If Percival Ate Anyone, It Probably Wasn't His Fault
A DARK HOLE DARKLY >>
Surprise! (You're Also Neurodivergent)
PERCIVAL GYNT AND THE CONSPIRACY OF DAYS >>
If Percival Ate Anyone, It Probably Wasn't His Fault
Honest Titles…
The Audacity -> Maybe some problems can be solved by being abducted by aliens
Audacity 2 -> Oh, no, sorry, aliens have worse problems actually
3 -> Fuck, alien problems are terrifying
4 -> In which reality breaks completely spilling pirates, cowboys, and ghosts everywhere
The Audacity -> Maybe some problems can be solved by being abducted by aliens
Audacity 2 -> Oh, no, sorry, aliens have worse problems actually
3 -> Fuck, alien problems are terrifying
4 -> In which reality breaks completely spilling pirates, cowboys, and ghosts everywhere
If my books had honest titles:
Kotov Syndrome - I’d Love To Tell You I Moved On From My Ex But She Was A Net Benefit For My Mental Health Journey So Oops We Are Back Together
Woodpusher - Where Am I? And Who The Fuck Are All of You?
Opus - Girl, Delayed
Kotov Syndrome - I’d Love To Tell You I Moved On From My Ex But She Was A Net Benefit For My Mental Health Journey So Oops We Are Back Together
Woodpusher - Where Am I? And Who The Fuck Are All of You?
Opus - Girl, Delayed
December 6, 2025 at 5:15 PM
Honest Titles:
A DARK HOLE DARKLY >>
Surprise! (You're Also Neurodivergent)
PERCIVAL GYNT AND THE CONSPIRACY OF DAYS >>
If Percival Ate Anyone, It Probably Wasn't His Fault
A DARK HOLE DARKLY >>
Surprise! (You're Also Neurodivergent)
PERCIVAL GYNT AND THE CONSPIRACY OF DAYS >>
If Percival Ate Anyone, It Probably Wasn't His Fault
Reposted by Drew Melbourne
CHRISTMAS GIFT SUGGESTION #312:
Instead of getting your partner with ADHD another self-help book, get them this ADHD detective novel that's all about embracing the parts of ourselves that can't be helped.
At Bookshop.org, Itch.io, and Amazon-I-guess.
Links in the link:
Instead of getting your partner with ADHD another self-help book, get them this ADHD detective novel that's all about embracing the parts of ourselves that can't be helped.
At Bookshop.org, Itch.io, and Amazon-I-guess.
Links in the link:
A Dark Hole Darkly
Sometimes neurodivergence makes you a much SHITTIER detective.
www.drewmelbourne.com
December 4, 2025 at 3:07 PM
CHRISTMAS GIFT SUGGESTION #312:
Instead of getting your partner with ADHD another self-help book, get them this ADHD detective novel that's all about embracing the parts of ourselves that can't be helped.
At Bookshop.org, Itch.io, and Amazon-I-guess.
Links in the link:
Instead of getting your partner with ADHD another self-help book, get them this ADHD detective novel that's all about embracing the parts of ourselves that can't be helped.
At Bookshop.org, Itch.io, and Amazon-I-guess.
Links in the link:
I have an idea for a musical:
The first act is short and depressing and the second act is long, fun, and has all the best songs.
The first act is short and depressing and the second act is long, fun, and has all the best songs.
December 5, 2025 at 2:00 PM
I have an idea for a musical:
The first act is short and depressing and the second act is long, fun, and has all the best songs.
The first act is short and depressing and the second act is long, fun, and has all the best songs.
OMG! Netflix owns ANIMANIACS?!?
You know what that means, right?
"We're the Netflix brothers and the Netflix sister Dot! / Just for fun we run around the Netflix movie lot! / They lock us in the tower, whenever we get caught! / And then they insert ads and raise the subscription price a lot!"
You know what that means, right?
"We're the Netflix brothers and the Netflix sister Dot! / Just for fun we run around the Netflix movie lot! / They lock us in the tower, whenever we get caught! / And then they insert ads and raise the subscription price a lot!"
December 5, 2025 at 12:54 PM
OMG! Netflix owns ANIMANIACS?!?
You know what that means, right?
"We're the Netflix brothers and the Netflix sister Dot! / Just for fun we run around the Netflix movie lot! / They lock us in the tower, whenever we get caught! / And then they insert ads and raise the subscription price a lot!"
You know what that means, right?
"We're the Netflix brothers and the Netflix sister Dot! / Just for fun we run around the Netflix movie lot! / They lock us in the tower, whenever we get caught! / And then they insert ads and raise the subscription price a lot!"