House of 1000 Fionas
@cogentanalysis.bsky.social
oh god, it's come to this
Pinned
"EAR MUFFS WHEN IT'S 55°? HO HO, I WISH YOU LUCK ON MAKING IT TO SPRING," I boom as my shorts-clad body emerges, steaming, from the Rite Aid
Allow me to introduce my pet flounder, Flatboy Swim
February 9, 2026 at 4:42 PM
Allow me to introduce my pet flounder, Flatboy Swim
Yesterday I went out to get lunch and in the middle of the sidewalk outside my office there was a latex glove filled with shit that was spilling out of the wrist cause someone had stepped on it I'M SO SICK OF THIS FUCKING CITY
I work in Times Square, and god damn if every day doesn't feel more and more like the beginning of "Children of Men"
February 8, 2026 at 1:09 AM
Yesterday I went out to get lunch and in the middle of the sidewalk outside my office there was a latex glove filled with shit that was spilling out of the wrist cause someone had stepped on it I'M SO SICK OF THIS FUCKING CITY
Reposted by House of 1000 Fionas
My main hobbies
October 22, 2025 at 4:35 AM
My main hobbies
Had to perform an emergency ponytail-ectomy on myself to promote bathing
January 30, 2026 at 5:33 PM
Had to perform an emergency ponytail-ectomy on myself to promote bathing
Reposted by House of 1000 Fionas
i have just gotten off a productive call with sauron where i laid out our requests
- nazgul bodycams
- morgul knife must remain sheathed unless suspect is determined to be carrying the one ring
- shelob will be the new point of contact
- nazgul bodycams
- morgul knife must remain sheathed unless suspect is determined to be carrying the one ring
- shelob will be the new point of contact
January 27, 2026 at 3:15 PM
i have just gotten off a productive call with sauron where i laid out our requests
- nazgul bodycams
- morgul knife must remain sheathed unless suspect is determined to be carrying the one ring
- shelob will be the new point of contact
- nazgul bodycams
- morgul knife must remain sheathed unless suspect is determined to be carrying the one ring
- shelob will be the new point of contact
Martin Landau Ballet
January 26, 2026 at 8:51 AM
Martin Landau Ballet
Snow storm well planned for? (derisively) Welcome to Mamdani's New York!! Sharia Snow Plows
January 23, 2026 at 5:33 PM
Snow storm well planned for? (derisively) Welcome to Mamdani's New York!! Sharia Snow Plows
Reposted by House of 1000 Fionas
Another friend put it to me like this: "ICE has made the classic Nazi mistake. They've invaded a winter people in the winter."
January 22, 2026 at 3:58 AM
Another friend put it to me like this: "ICE has made the classic Nazi mistake. They've invaded a winter people in the winter."
Reposted by House of 1000 Fionas
"Laughter is the best medicine"? Ever heard of Interferon, idiot??
January 19, 2026 at 7:22 AM
"Laughter is the best medicine"? Ever heard of Interferon, idiot??
I miss Vine. Also my mom
January 17, 2026 at 5:46 PM
I miss Vine. Also my mom
Reposted by House of 1000 Fionas
Huh. I don't remember eating the mighty Mississippi
December 16, 2025 at 3:27 PM
Huh. I don't remember eating the mighty Mississippi
Reposted by House of 1000 Fionas
This is not who we are. I became an ICE agent because I truly believed in the value of getting a $50,000 signing bonus to violently assault and terrorize anyone I wanted while never getting in trouble for anything. Being held accountable conflicts strongly with my deeply-held personal beliefs
January 7, 2026 at 10:15 PM
This is not who we are. I became an ICE agent because I truly believed in the value of getting a $50,000 signing bonus to violently assault and terrorize anyone I wanted while never getting in trouble for anything. Being held accountable conflicts strongly with my deeply-held personal beliefs
Reposted by House of 1000 Fionas
The “prosecute the former regime at every level” candidate has my vote in 2028.
January 7, 2026 at 8:26 PM
The “prosecute the former regime at every level” candidate has my vote in 2028.
Reposted by House of 1000 Fionas
British police officer working the Joker case: (aghast) He’s havin a laugh at us
December 30, 2025 at 2:16 PM
British police officer working the Joker case: (aghast) He’s havin a laugh at us
Merry CRYPTS-MAS! (maniacal cackle as I pull a coffin lid down over my cubicle) (I'm still at work, I hate everyone who has ever lived their dream)
December 24, 2025 at 10:35 PM
Merry CRYPTS-MAS! (maniacal cackle as I pull a coffin lid down over my cubicle) (I'm still at work, I hate everyone who has ever lived their dream)
Jensen Ackles and Tim Robinson should play brothers, I am 100% correct on this
December 17, 2025 at 2:09 AM
Jensen Ackles and Tim Robinson should play brothers, I am 100% correct on this
Huh. I don't remember eating the mighty Mississippi
December 16, 2025 at 3:27 PM
Huh. I don't remember eating the mighty Mississippi
Reposted by House of 1000 Fionas
Doug "Skin" Flutie
December 10, 2025 at 6:57 AM
Doug "Skin" Flutie
Starting a cultural phenomenon by putting lol in quotation marks when the situation is not lol at all (it comes up a lot) ("lol")
December 3, 2025 at 12:10 AM
Starting a cultural phenomenon by putting lol in quotation marks when the situation is not lol at all (it comes up a lot) ("lol")
Reposted by House of 1000 Fionas
I generally avoid threatening people with death or physical harm on here because it strikes me as a pretty unproductive and fucked up thing to do, with the notable exception of the sentient car Lightning McQueen from the Cars movies. who I will kill
November 12, 2025 at 8:16 PM
I generally avoid threatening people with death or physical harm on here because it strikes me as a pretty unproductive and fucked up thing to do, with the notable exception of the sentient car Lightning McQueen from the Cars movies. who I will kill
(pointing at the trident hood ornament on a luxury vehicle) Ah, I see you got the new Hyundai Poseidon
November 10, 2025 at 12:47 AM
(pointing at the trident hood ornament on a luxury vehicle) Ah, I see you got the new Hyundai Poseidon