Slow-Cooked Swift
@carltonswift.bsky.social
I cook BBQ. I sometimes design things. I also fly kites. Do with this information what you want.
I discovered that a simple sign that says, "Make sure elevator car is present before stepping through doors" resulted in many more of my coworkers using the stairs...as well as a terse email from HR. Apparently, they didn't buy my reasoning that it was a wellness initiative.
November 6, 2025 at 6:49 PM
I discovered that a simple sign that says, "Make sure elevator car is present before stepping through doors" resulted in many more of my coworkers using the stairs...as well as a terse email from HR. Apparently, they didn't buy my reasoning that it was a wellness initiative.
I can't speak for anyone else, but I enjoy fun-sized candy bars so much more than responsibility-sized candy bars.
November 4, 2025 at 10:33 PM
I can't speak for anyone else, but I enjoy fun-sized candy bars so much more than responsibility-sized candy bars.
Don't forget to "Fall Forward" tonight. Set your clocks ahead by an hour!
November 1, 2025 at 9:08 PM
Don't forget to "Fall Forward" tonight. Set your clocks ahead by an hour!
Why does Nancy Mace always look like she just figured out you don't have to double-click links on a webpage?
November 1, 2025 at 6:05 PM
Why does Nancy Mace always look like she just figured out you don't have to double-click links on a webpage?
It's best to hit Barberitos early, when the employees are endearingly high...as opposed to later, when the employees are uncomfortably high.
October 23, 2025 at 9:12 PM
It's best to hit Barberitos early, when the employees are endearingly high...as opposed to later, when the employees are uncomfortably high.
Keep monitoring Tropical Storm Imelda, but for the love of God, do not make direct eye contact with it.
September 27, 2025 at 2:18 AM
Keep monitoring Tropical Storm Imelda, but for the love of God, do not make direct eye contact with it.
Reposted by Slow-Cooked Swift
not going to worry about the rapture unless Waffle House closes
September 22, 2025 at 1:47 PM
not going to worry about the rapture unless Waffle House closes
Reposted by Slow-Cooked Swift
Whether it’s Republican politicians joking about the murder of Melissa Hortman or Democratic politicians expressing their condolences after the murder of Charlie Kirk, both parties have a extreme rhetoric problem.
September 11, 2025 at 1:49 AM
Whether it’s Republican politicians joking about the murder of Melissa Hortman or Democratic politicians expressing their condolences after the murder of Charlie Kirk, both parties have a extreme rhetoric problem.
The Shibumis are flaccid today.
July 27, 2025 at 3:00 PM
The Shibumis are flaccid today.
Reposted by Slow-Cooked Swift
Nobody in the White House press corps will actually do it, but I'd love to see someone ask Karoline Leavitt why the administration is levying tariffs on nonwhite-majority countries Madripoor and Wakanda while ignoring Sokovia and watch how she spins that answer.
April 2, 2025 at 10:38 PM
Nobody in the White House press corps will actually do it, but I'd love to see someone ask Karoline Leavitt why the administration is levying tariffs on nonwhite-majority countries Madripoor and Wakanda while ignoring Sokovia and watch how she spins that answer.
The trees just keep masturbating everywhere.
March 25, 2025 at 8:10 PM
The trees just keep masturbating everywhere.
I was in a bad mood when I made this a decade ago and I'm in a bad mood today.
March 7, 2025 at 8:19 PM
I was in a bad mood when I made this a decade ago and I'm in a bad mood today.
This year for Lent, I'm giving up
March 5, 2025 at 5:41 PM
This year for Lent, I'm giving up
Reposted by Slow-Cooked Swift
“Let’s be clear, the Democrat demand is really simple,” Sen. Chris Coons (D-DE) told TPM, with a mocking emphasis on the word “demand” on Thursday. “It’s that the President commits to following the law. That’s it. It’s not a big deal.” talkingpointsmemo.com/news/congres...
Congress Turns To Stopgap As GOP Tries To Spin Dems’ Separation Of Powers Request As ‘Unreasonable’
With the March 14 deadline to fund the government looming, Republican leadership...
talkingpointsmemo.com
February 28, 2025 at 12:46 AM
“Let’s be clear, the Democrat demand is really simple,” Sen. Chris Coons (D-DE) told TPM, with a mocking emphasis on the word “demand” on Thursday. “It’s that the President commits to following the law. That’s it. It’s not a big deal.” talkingpointsmemo.com/news/congres...
Pro tip: Always say the full, "Happy Valentines Day" to your significant other. Don't abbreviate it to "VD."
February 14, 2025 at 11:40 AM
Pro tip: Always say the full, "Happy Valentines Day" to your significant other. Don't abbreviate it to "VD."
I like yelling things you say in other sports during the Super Bowl.
“C’mon ump. Are you blind?”
“Whoa ball! Whoa ball!”
“They should go for a three pointer!”
“C’mon ump. Are you blind?”
“Whoa ball! Whoa ball!”
“They should go for a three pointer!”
February 10, 2025 at 12:36 AM
I like yelling things you say in other sports during the Super Bowl.
“C’mon ump. Are you blind?”
“Whoa ball! Whoa ball!”
“They should go for a three pointer!”
“C’mon ump. Are you blind?”
“Whoa ball! Whoa ball!”
“They should go for a three pointer!”
"I've just released my own fragrance" is perhaps the most polite way to inform people that you farted.
February 9, 2025 at 7:26 PM
"I've just released my own fragrance" is perhaps the most polite way to inform people that you farted.
Reposted by Slow-Cooked Swift
The 1990s ITV franchise review in general, but specifically, this
February 8, 2025 at 8:49 PM
The 1990s ITV franchise review in general, but specifically, this
Reposted by Slow-Cooked Swift
WAYS I USE MY TOILET, RANKED:
#1
#2
#1
#2
February 7, 2025 at 8:57 PM
WAYS I USE MY TOILET, RANKED:
#1
#2
#1
#2
Reposted by Slow-Cooked Swift
Sometimes I'll just make thumbnail graphics for YouTube videos that don't exist.
February 7, 2025 at 5:57 AM
Sometimes I'll just make thumbnail graphics for YouTube videos that don't exist.
It’s humid. Not so humid that it’s raining. But humid enough that it’s moistening.
January 31, 2025 at 4:47 PM
It’s humid. Not so humid that it’s raining. But humid enough that it’s moistening.
Reposted by Slow-Cooked Swift
Endless Jeopardy is operational!! Play by replying, vote with likes. New round every hour.
bsky.app
January 26, 2025 at 7:28 PM
Endless Jeopardy is operational!! Play by replying, vote with likes. New round every hour.
I just really miss Chick-Fil-A Lemon Pie sometimes.
January 26, 2025 at 12:08 AM
I just really miss Chick-Fil-A Lemon Pie sometimes.