Brandon
@brandonjschwartz.com
Law, political theory, language, computers.
Attorney at schwartzapc.com
President at boomajoom.com
Nothing I post is legal advice, and I’m not your attorney. Occasional Escrow Manager.
Attorney at schwartzapc.com
President at boomajoom.com
Nothing I post is legal advice, and I’m not your attorney. Occasional Escrow Manager.
Pinned
Brandon
@brandonjschwartz.com
· Jan 10
If you call fake MAGA Kyle Rittenhouse the murderer a murderer and a homicide, a lot of weirdos will come out of the weeds and try to fight you.
I like my women the same way I like my coffee: dark, bitter, and prone to giving me third-degree burns in a McDonald's parking lot.
November 6, 2025 at 4:23 PM
I like my women the same way I like my coffee: dark, bitter, and prone to giving me third-degree burns in a McDonald's parking lot.
She gobblin on my wawa until I (C) 2024 Wawa, Inc. Large Vestibule Cling (Corporate).
November 5, 2025 at 3:48 PM
She gobblin on my wawa until I (C) 2024 Wawa, Inc. Large Vestibule Cling (Corporate).
Tempted to run for mayor just so I can advocate for pointless, ugly constructions next to my enemy’s house.
That would be my only platform.
That would be my only platform.
November 2, 2025 at 7:51 PM
Tempted to run for mayor just so I can advocate for pointless, ugly constructions next to my enemy’s house.
That would be my only platform.
That would be my only platform.
I’m 80 pages into American Psycho and it reads like if @dieworkwear.bsky.social was a serial killer.
Pages and pages of:
“His outfit was all from Polo Ralph Lauren with a Perry Ellis silk tie. His Allen-Edmonds oxfords were a little formal. for the occasion. I have a serrated knife in my jacket.”
Pages and pages of:
“His outfit was all from Polo Ralph Lauren with a Perry Ellis silk tie. His Allen-Edmonds oxfords were a little formal. for the occasion. I have a serrated knife in my jacket.”
November 2, 2025 at 5:38 PM
I’m 80 pages into American Psycho and it reads like if @dieworkwear.bsky.social was a serial killer.
Pages and pages of:
“His outfit was all from Polo Ralph Lauren with a Perry Ellis silk tie. His Allen-Edmonds oxfords were a little formal. for the occasion. I have a serrated knife in my jacket.”
Pages and pages of:
“His outfit was all from Polo Ralph Lauren with a Perry Ellis silk tie. His Allen-Edmonds oxfords were a little formal. for the occasion. I have a serrated knife in my jacket.”
My least favorite part of this is trying to get people served.
October 29, 2025 at 10:37 PM
My least favorite part of this is trying to get people served.
Update: He's borderline sov cit.
(Needless to say, I'm going to attend the sentencing hearing in December.)
(Needless to say, I'm going to attend the sentencing hearing in December.)
Me: Talking about your active criminal case is bad.
Bro: I’m not incriminating myself!
Local police department deep in the comment section:
Bro: I’m not incriminating myself!
Local police department deep in the comment section:
October 28, 2025 at 4:24 AM
Update: He's borderline sov cit.
(Needless to say, I'm going to attend the sentencing hearing in December.)
(Needless to say, I'm going to attend the sentencing hearing in December.)
Me: Talking about your active criminal case is bad.
Bro: I’m not incriminating myself!
Local police department deep in the comment section:
Bro: I’m not incriminating myself!
Local police department deep in the comment section:
October 27, 2025 at 4:21 AM
Me: Talking about your active criminal case is bad.
Bro: I’m not incriminating myself!
Local police department deep in the comment section:
Bro: I’m not incriminating myself!
Local police department deep in the comment section:
In a local Facebook group, a guy posted a long statement about how he did nothing wrong and was the real victim in a vehicular manslaughter case. His statement included extraneous details about the color of his Maserati. He pled in his case and is being sentenced next month.
October 26, 2025 at 5:11 PM
In a local Facebook group, a guy posted a long statement about how he did nothing wrong and was the real victim in a vehicular manslaughter case. His statement included extraneous details about the color of his Maserati. He pled in his case and is being sentenced next month.
@prog-r0k.bsky.social He sent them the injunction he requested in Texas.
October 16, 2025 at 3:34 PM
@prog-r0k.bsky.social He sent them the injunction he requested in Texas.
How did I... How did I hear about the Civil Rights Division? Really?
October 16, 2025 at 1:28 AM
How did I... How did I hear about the Civil Rights Division? Really?
There’s a pro se 1983 jury trial later this month in my district. And honestly, good for him.
October 13, 2025 at 6:23 PM
There’s a pro se 1983 jury trial later this month in my district. And honestly, good for him.
I hated working in sales, because it was so repetitive. Same old story, same old pitch, same old objections. So far, (solo) law is awesome because it definitely isn't that. I've been doing this for five months now, and here are some things I've had to learn (in no order):
October 10, 2025 at 6:21 AM
I hated working in sales, because it was so repetitive. Same old story, same old pitch, same old objections. So far, (solo) law is awesome because it definitely isn't that. I've been doing this for five months now, and here are some things I've had to learn (in no order):
Hey, they're in San Francisco!
October 9, 2025 at 1:51 AM
Hey, they're in San Francisco!
@samuelsidler.com has an interesting piece covering the ongoing WPEngine litigation.
www.delta.blog/analyzing-wp...
www.delta.blog/analyzing-wp...
Analyzing WP Engine’s second amended complaint, part 1
An analysis of the re-asserted CFAA claim, and other changes in the second amended complaint.
www.delta.blog
October 8, 2025 at 7:40 PM
@samuelsidler.com has an interesting piece covering the ongoing WPEngine litigation.
www.delta.blog/analyzing-wp...
www.delta.blog/analyzing-wp...
Trying to get back into fiction (I’m not sure I ever really was into fiction past middle school). Reading Dracula currently. Any other October recommendations? I hear Stephen King is fun but I don’t know where to start.
(Also be my friend:
www.goodreads.com/user/show/12... )
(Also be my friend:
www.goodreads.com/user/show/12... )
October 5, 2025 at 6:17 AM
Trying to get back into fiction (I’m not sure I ever really was into fiction past middle school). Reading Dracula currently. Any other October recommendations? I hear Stephen King is fun but I don’t know where to start.
(Also be my friend:
www.goodreads.com/user/show/12... )
(Also be my friend:
www.goodreads.com/user/show/12... )
Reposted by Brandon
I rounded them up and put them in the shed in an act of self-defense, your honor.
September 28, 2025 at 3:24 PM
I rounded them up and put them in the shed in an act of self-defense, your honor.
People are discussing marriage over at the Factorio subreddit.
September 28, 2025 at 6:06 PM
People are discussing marriage over at the Factorio subreddit.
Based.
The South Korean Ministry of Defense has awarded medals of merit to 11 officers for disobeying direct orders of superiors during the martial law fiasco, orders that they deemed to be contrary to the constitution and endangerment to democracy.
www.chosun.com/english/nati...
www.chosun.com/english/nati...
National Defense Ministry Honors 11 Soldiers for Refusing Illegal Orders
National Defense Ministry Honors 11 Soldiers for Refusing Illegal Orders Honored for rejecting illegal orders during martial law, Marine death probe
www.chosun.com
September 28, 2025 at 12:47 AM
Based.