Lord Beestonia
@beestonia.bsky.social
Faux Lord.
Hyper. Local. Writer, Journalism course leader, sometime author and ghost. Founder, @TheBeestonian Occasionally known as mere Matt Turpin. lordmattbeestonia@gmail.com
Hyper. Local. Writer, Journalism course leader, sometime author and ghost. Founder, @TheBeestonian Occasionally known as mere Matt Turpin. lordmattbeestonia@gmail.com
Just been to Birmingham to watch Forest Women get thrashed 5-1, now heading home on a criminally overloaded train.
There's a reason why everyone in the UK pretends Manchester is our second city. Birmingham is beyond awful.
There's a reason why everyone in the UK pretends Manchester is our second city. Birmingham is beyond awful.
February 1, 2026 at 4:32 PM
Just been to Birmingham to watch Forest Women get thrashed 5-1, now heading home on a criminally overloaded train.
There's a reason why everyone in the UK pretends Manchester is our second city. Birmingham is beyond awful.
There's a reason why everyone in the UK pretends Manchester is our second city. Birmingham is beyond awful.
In achingly embarrassing news (part 5,742) I just said hello to a guy I recognised on the Beeston Tesco cake mix aisle, assuming we were colleagues or something, only to realise by the time I hit the checkout it was the #NFFC rectangle of joy, Murillo
January 28, 2026 at 5:17 PM
In achingly embarrassing news (part 5,742) I just said hello to a guy I recognised on the Beeston Tesco cake mix aisle, assuming we were colleagues or something, only to realise by the time I hit the checkout it was the #NFFC rectangle of joy, Murillo
Can't beat a result where the scorers sound like two blokes down the pub
January 26, 2026 at 10:22 PM
Can't beat a result where the scorers sound like two blokes down the pub
Right.
Beeston is bidding to become UK Town of Culture 2028. I'm part of the team putting the bid together,and it's both very exciting and utterly terrifying.
If you'd like to help, DM me.
Beeston is bidding to become UK Town of Culture 2028. I'm part of the team putting the bid together,and it's both very exciting and utterly terrifying.
If you'd like to help, DM me.
January 26, 2026 at 8:07 PM
Right.
Beeston is bidding to become UK Town of Culture 2028. I'm part of the team putting the bid together,and it's both very exciting and utterly terrifying.
If you'd like to help, DM me.
Beeston is bidding to become UK Town of Culture 2028. I'm part of the team putting the bid together,and it's both very exciting and utterly terrifying.
If you'd like to help, DM me.
Reposted by Lord Beestonia
I was asked to look at this post!
And while the story obviously has important context that’s missing from the headline - which I’ll cover obvs 😜 - what’s more important is to question why this is being posted!
And what to ask yourself when you see something like this…
1/12
🧵
And while the story obviously has important context that’s missing from the headline - which I’ll cover obvs 😜 - what’s more important is to question why this is being posted!
And what to ask yourself when you see something like this…
1/12
🧵
January 14, 2026 at 2:51 PM
I was asked to look at this post!
And while the story obviously has important context that’s missing from the headline - which I’ll cover obvs 😜 - what’s more important is to question why this is being posted!
And what to ask yourself when you see something like this…
1/12
🧵
And while the story obviously has important context that’s missing from the headline - which I’ll cover obvs 😜 - what’s more important is to question why this is being posted!
And what to ask yourself when you see something like this…
1/12
🧵
Very little seems to be done to get Keir Starmer out of the doldrums of poor polling and general disappointment.
That's why he should roll the dice, issue a statement saying, unequivocally and in these precise words 'Trump is a thick twat' then sit back and watch his numbers fly upwards.
That's why he should roll the dice, issue a statement saying, unequivocally and in these precise words 'Trump is a thick twat' then sit back and watch his numbers fly upwards.
January 23, 2026 at 1:14 PM
Very little seems to be done to get Keir Starmer out of the doldrums of poor polling and general disappointment.
That's why he should roll the dice, issue a statement saying, unequivocally and in these precise words 'Trump is a thick twat' then sit back and watch his numbers fly upwards.
That's why he should roll the dice, issue a statement saying, unequivocally and in these precise words 'Trump is a thick twat' then sit back and watch his numbers fly upwards.
I am amazed Private Eye magazine is still only £2.99, when this one single paragraph is worth that price alone. Sheer excellence. Go and buy a copy / subscription before Ian Hislop puts 25% tarrifs on newsagents.
January 21, 2026 at 2:08 PM
I am amazed Private Eye magazine is still only £2.99, when this one single paragraph is worth that price alone. Sheer excellence. Go and buy a copy / subscription before Ian Hislop puts 25% tarrifs on newsagents.
Half a decade ago today I became an official Social Media Influencer when, on reading a true story I put on the internet I was sent a big box of freebies from Fisherman's Friends
January 20, 2026 at 10:24 PM
Half a decade ago today I became an official Social Media Influencer when, on reading a true story I put on the internet I was sent a big box of freebies from Fisherman's Friends
Aside from being a poor photographer, I didn't think I had much in common with Brooklyn Beckham, but this, about escaping toxic parents is spot on: when I finally cut mine from my life a lonnnng time ago I suddenly found decades of anxiety just dissipate, and never return.
January 19, 2026 at 10:13 PM
Aside from being a poor photographer, I didn't think I had much in common with Brooklyn Beckham, but this, about escaping toxic parents is spot on: when I finally cut mine from my life a lonnnng time ago I suddenly found decades of anxiety just dissipate, and never return.
Whoever is writing the AFCON script needs to stay off the mushrooms
January 18, 2026 at 9:18 PM
Whoever is writing the AFCON script needs to stay off the mushrooms
Unai Emery has the look of a mildly harassed manager of a mid-sized suburban Co-op whose twilight replenishment shift is undermanned
January 18, 2026 at 4:41 PM
Unai Emery has the look of a mildly harassed manager of a mid-sized suburban Co-op whose twilight replenishment shift is undermanned
Robert Jenrick is unique in British politics for being the only MP who is an anagram of his constituency
January 18, 2026 at 9:16 AM
Robert Jenrick is unique in British politics for being the only MP who is an anagram of his constituency
Reposted by Lord Beestonia
Our debut movie SCALA!!!'s soundtrack album, by Barry Adamson, landed at... the Scala last night. A pilgrimage was in order. The album is out in all formats from today, from Mute :)
January 17, 2026 at 12:05 PM
Our debut movie SCALA!!!'s soundtrack album, by Barry Adamson, landed at... the Scala last night. A pilgrimage was in order. The album is out in all formats from today, from Mute :)
My students are en masse sending in absence reports as last year's cohorts have gifted them their qualifications so it's not worth coming in now
January 16, 2026 at 7:34 AM
My students are en masse sending in absence reports as last year's cohorts have gifted them their qualifications so it's not worth coming in now
That Bone Temple film is wonderfully nuts and Jack O'Connell is pure excellence and the best thing to come out of Alvaston since Moody, a pony I got to ride at the castle on a school trip in 1982
January 16, 2026 at 7:33 AM
That Bone Temple film is wonderfully nuts and Jack O'Connell is pure excellence and the best thing to come out of Alvaston since Moody, a pony I got to ride at the castle on a school trip in 1982
Depressingly, it's only the 12th January. Just another 763 days of the month left.
January 12, 2026 at 3:43 PM
Depressingly, it's only the 12th January. Just another 763 days of the month left.
January 11, 2026 at 5:24 PM
My son, 9, is intensely interested in lower league FA Cup teams, and has just asked me what a 'Mare' is, and when I responded 'Female horse' he asked, with wife eyes, why 'Weston had super ladies horses'
January 10, 2026 at 4:34 PM
My son, 9, is intensely interested in lower league FA Cup teams, and has just asked me what a 'Mare' is, and when I responded 'Female horse' he asked, with wife eyes, why 'Weston had super ladies horses'
They also found a substantial amount of crack
January 6, 2026 at 12:45 PM
They also found a substantial amount of crack
Reposted by Lord Beestonia
A fourth defeat in a row for #NFFC, characterised by a host of individual mistakes and no-one taking responsibility. @georgedwards05 was not happy and needed to let off steam.
Listen and subscribe to the ORIGINAL Nottingham Forest Podcast: zurl.co/NHr4X
Listen and subscribe to the ORIGINAL Nottingham Forest Podcast: zurl.co/NHr4X
January 4, 2026 at 9:01 PM
A fourth defeat in a row for #NFFC, characterised by a host of individual mistakes and no-one taking responsibility. @georgedwards05 was not happy and needed to let off steam.
Listen and subscribe to the ORIGINAL Nottingham Forest Podcast: zurl.co/NHr4X
Listen and subscribe to the ORIGINAL Nottingham Forest Podcast: zurl.co/NHr4X
Reposted by Lord Beestonia
It’s a dark night when you look at the news and are forced to admit that you no longer believe in the power of the FIFA peace prize
January 3, 2026 at 7:06 AM
It’s a dark night when you look at the news and are forced to admit that you no longer believe in the power of the FIFA peace prize
Reindeers, Turkey...but Jesus doesn't get a look in. Maybe all those right wing commentators are correct about Christmas.
Reindeers and Turkey (but only if you say them in a ropey Dutch accent)
December 27, 2025 at 2:33 PM
Reindeers, Turkey...but Jesus doesn't get a look in. Maybe all those right wing commentators are correct about Christmas.
This is absolutely right, although I understand reluctance to engage with video content. But the possibilities that are opened up by the technology shouldn't be the sole preserve of influencers, etc. Crazy how Farage understands this better than anyone.
More journalists and politicians should use YouTube for fun. And probably TikTok, too.
We have a media and political class with Extremely Strong Opinions about entertainment platforms they don't use, but which millions of normal people do. The resulting opinions both are weird, and look weird.
We have a media and political class with Extremely Strong Opinions about entertainment platforms they don't use, but which millions of normal people do. The resulting opinions both are weird, and look weird.
December 27, 2025 at 2:32 PM
This is absolutely right, although I understand reluctance to engage with video content. But the possibilities that are opened up by the technology shouldn't be the sole preserve of influencers, etc. Crazy how Farage understands this better than anyone.
Boxing Day by the Trent
December 26, 2025 at 3:26 PM
Boxing Day by the Trent
Enjoy today. Enjoy its solidity, its sense of definable identity.
For tomorrow we enter the Christmas New Year Hazy Zone, the Festive Perineum, the confusing week where your best guess at the date is '20 something'.
Wor betide those with a bin day.
For tomorrow we enter the Christmas New Year Hazy Zone, the Festive Perineum, the confusing week where your best guess at the date is '20 something'.
Wor betide those with a bin day.
December 26, 2025 at 9:28 AM
Enjoy today. Enjoy its solidity, its sense of definable identity.
For tomorrow we enter the Christmas New Year Hazy Zone, the Festive Perineum, the confusing week where your best guess at the date is '20 something'.
Wor betide those with a bin day.
For tomorrow we enter the Christmas New Year Hazy Zone, the Festive Perineum, the confusing week where your best guess at the date is '20 something'.
Wor betide those with a bin day.