Lord Beestonia
@beestonia.bsky.social
Faux Lord.
Hyper. Local. Writer, Journalism course leader, sometime author and ghost. Founder, @TheBeestonian Occasionally known as mere Matt Turpin. lordmattbeestonia@gmail.com
Hyper. Local. Writer, Journalism course leader, sometime author and ghost. Founder, @TheBeestonian Occasionally known as mere Matt Turpin. lordmattbeestonia@gmail.com
I was into Peter Mandelson disgraced resignations well before they became fashionable. Still hold that his early disgraced resignations material was the best before he went all mainstream
February 3, 2026 at 10:51 PM
I was into Peter Mandelson disgraced resignations well before they became fashionable. Still hold that his early disgraced resignations material was the best before he went all mainstream
It was a genuinely good save, and done instinctively, not with mischief. Top props to him, a seemingly really decent man.
February 1, 2026 at 10:40 PM
It was a genuinely good save, and done instinctively, not with mischief. Top props to him, a seemingly really decent man.
Just been to Birmingham to watch Forest Women get thrashed 5-1, now heading home on a criminally overloaded train.
There's a reason why everyone in the UK pretends Manchester is our second city. Birmingham is beyond awful.
There's a reason why everyone in the UK pretends Manchester is our second city. Birmingham is beyond awful.
February 1, 2026 at 4:32 PM
Just been to Birmingham to watch Forest Women get thrashed 5-1, now heading home on a criminally overloaded train.
There's a reason why everyone in the UK pretends Manchester is our second city. Birmingham is beyond awful.
There's a reason why everyone in the UK pretends Manchester is our second city. Birmingham is beyond awful.
Tbh his eyes were quite special
January 28, 2026 at 10:28 PM
Tbh his eyes were quite special
Oooh...I wonder if he would do it?
January 28, 2026 at 6:59 PM
Oooh...I wonder if he would do it?
In achingly embarrassing news (part 5,742) I just said hello to a guy I recognised on the Beeston Tesco cake mix aisle, assuming we were colleagues or something, only to realise by the time I hit the checkout it was the #NFFC rectangle of joy, Murillo
January 28, 2026 at 5:17 PM
In achingly embarrassing news (part 5,742) I just said hello to a guy I recognised on the Beeston Tesco cake mix aisle, assuming we were colleagues or something, only to realise by the time I hit the checkout it was the #NFFC rectangle of joy, Murillo
Frankly, Mr Starmer.
January 26, 2026 at 11:29 PM
Frankly, Mr Starmer.
Can't beat a result where the scorers sound like two blokes down the pub
January 26, 2026 at 10:22 PM
Can't beat a result where the scorers sound like two blokes down the pub
Right.
Beeston is bidding to become UK Town of Culture 2028. I'm part of the team putting the bid together,and it's both very exciting and utterly terrifying.
If you'd like to help, DM me.
Beeston is bidding to become UK Town of Culture 2028. I'm part of the team putting the bid together,and it's both very exciting and utterly terrifying.
If you'd like to help, DM me.
January 26, 2026 at 8:07 PM
Right.
Beeston is bidding to become UK Town of Culture 2028. I'm part of the team putting the bid together,and it's both very exciting and utterly terrifying.
If you'd like to help, DM me.
Beeston is bidding to become UK Town of Culture 2028. I'm part of the team putting the bid together,and it's both very exciting and utterly terrifying.
If you'd like to help, DM me.
Reposted by Lord Beestonia
I was asked to look at this post!
And while the story obviously has important context that’s missing from the headline - which I’ll cover obvs 😜 - what’s more important is to question why this is being posted!
And what to ask yourself when you see something like this…
1/12
🧵
And while the story obviously has important context that’s missing from the headline - which I’ll cover obvs 😜 - what’s more important is to question why this is being posted!
And what to ask yourself when you see something like this…
1/12
🧵
January 14, 2026 at 2:51 PM
I was asked to look at this post!
And while the story obviously has important context that’s missing from the headline - which I’ll cover obvs 😜 - what’s more important is to question why this is being posted!
And what to ask yourself when you see something like this…
1/12
🧵
And while the story obviously has important context that’s missing from the headline - which I’ll cover obvs 😜 - what’s more important is to question why this is being posted!
And what to ask yourself when you see something like this…
1/12
🧵
It's going to have to be Bez. Only Manc who can carry it.
January 24, 2026 at 10:31 PM
It's going to have to be Bez. Only Manc who can carry it.
Even more effective would be in the way RW news in the US has been covering stories of (mild) Federal overreach under Dem presidents: this really is Government troops invading states and murdering innocent gun owners
January 24, 2026 at 7:16 PM
Even more effective would be in the way RW news in the US has been covering stories of (mild) Federal overreach under Dem presidents: this really is Government troops invading states and murdering innocent gun owners
Very little seems to be done to get Keir Starmer out of the doldrums of poor polling and general disappointment.
That's why he should roll the dice, issue a statement saying, unequivocally and in these precise words 'Trump is a thick twat' then sit back and watch his numbers fly upwards.
That's why he should roll the dice, issue a statement saying, unequivocally and in these precise words 'Trump is a thick twat' then sit back and watch his numbers fly upwards.
January 23, 2026 at 1:14 PM
Very little seems to be done to get Keir Starmer out of the doldrums of poor polling and general disappointment.
That's why he should roll the dice, issue a statement saying, unequivocally and in these precise words 'Trump is a thick twat' then sit back and watch his numbers fly upwards.
That's why he should roll the dice, issue a statement saying, unequivocally and in these precise words 'Trump is a thick twat' then sit back and watch his numbers fly upwards.
That's one pint of Stella then
January 22, 2026 at 8:07 PM
That's one pint of Stella then
How many SuperBocks in are you?
January 22, 2026 at 6:09 PM
How many SuperBocks in are you?
Columnists aren't usually bylined, but I suspect it is her
January 21, 2026 at 5:31 PM
Columnists aren't usually bylined, but I suspect it is her
I am amazed Private Eye magazine is still only £2.99, when this one single paragraph is worth that price alone. Sheer excellence. Go and buy a copy / subscription before Ian Hislop puts 25% tarrifs on newsagents.
January 21, 2026 at 2:08 PM
I am amazed Private Eye magazine is still only £2.99, when this one single paragraph is worth that price alone. Sheer excellence. Go and buy a copy / subscription before Ian Hislop puts 25% tarrifs on newsagents.
Half a decade ago today I became an official Social Media Influencer when, on reading a true story I put on the internet I was sent a big box of freebies from Fisherman's Friends
January 20, 2026 at 10:24 PM
Half a decade ago today I became an official Social Media Influencer when, on reading a true story I put on the internet I was sent a big box of freebies from Fisherman's Friends
I read a book recently about an Ilkeston guy who became a famous marksman / explosives expert and it explained Ilkeston was once a wannabe spa town, hence Bath Street. It could have been the Tunbridge Wells of the East Midlands.
January 20, 2026 at 12:11 PM
I read a book recently about an Ilkeston guy who became a famous marksman / explosives expert and it explained Ilkeston was once a wannabe spa town, hence Bath Street. It could have been the Tunbridge Wells of the East Midlands.
I've spent many hours sitting there and sliding through as a kid waiting for my gran to get up Bath Street. I think I even remember it being built when they did the precinct.
January 20, 2026 at 10:22 AM
I've spent many hours sitting there and sliding through as a kid waiting for my gran to get up Bath Street. I think I even remember it being built when they did the precinct.
Aside from being a poor photographer, I didn't think I had much in common with Brooklyn Beckham, but this, about escaping toxic parents is spot on: when I finally cut mine from my life a lonnnng time ago I suddenly found decades of anxiety just dissipate, and never return.
January 19, 2026 at 10:13 PM
Aside from being a poor photographer, I didn't think I had much in common with Brooklyn Beckham, but this, about escaping toxic parents is spot on: when I finally cut mine from my life a lonnnng time ago I suddenly found decades of anxiety just dissipate, and never return.
I actually used the Helium clip today with my students to demonstrate broadcast restrictions
January 19, 2026 at 8:23 PM
I actually used the Helium clip today with my students to demonstrate broadcast restrictions
But he could say he was showing Corinthian spirit...
Surely Morocco can argue the match should have been forfeited the moment Senegal left the pitch? This is mad.
Surely Morocco can argue the match should have been forfeited the moment Senegal left the pitch? This is mad.
January 18, 2026 at 9:30 PM
But he could say he was showing Corinthian spirit...
Surely Morocco can argue the match should have been forfeited the moment Senegal left the pitch? This is mad.
Surely Morocco can argue the match should have been forfeited the moment Senegal left the pitch? This is mad.
I once tried to climb the High Atlas in mid March, which I'd been informed was ideal: post-snow, pre-heat.
It was very much not post-snow, and I've never been colder. Even back in Marrakech you could see your breath. But a bit nicer than Stoke.
It was very much not post-snow, and I've never been colder. Even back in Marrakech you could see your breath. But a bit nicer than Stoke.
January 18, 2026 at 9:27 PM
I once tried to climb the High Atlas in mid March, which I'd been informed was ideal: post-snow, pre-heat.
It was very much not post-snow, and I've never been colder. Even back in Marrakech you could see your breath. But a bit nicer than Stoke.
It was very much not post-snow, and I've never been colder. Even back in Marrakech you could see your breath. But a bit nicer than Stoke.
Surely his excuse is sportsmanship and an agreement to chip it straight at Mendy to cancel out crap VAR decisions? Mine would be.
January 18, 2026 at 9:19 PM
Surely his excuse is sportsmanship and an agreement to chip it straight at Mendy to cancel out crap VAR decisions? Mine would be.