Bart King
@bartking.bsky.social
• New books, Spring 2026: “Father Humor” and “Choose Your Own Adventure”! 🐢
• “Arguably one of Oregon’s top 73 Barts.” –Barts Weekly 🧃
https://bartking.net 🐸
• “Arguably one of Oregon’s top 73 Barts.” –Barts Weekly 🧃
https://bartking.net 🐸
Pinned
Skeptical Snowman Cookie is looking askance at my New Year’s resolutions list.
December 26, 2025 at 4:15 PM
Skeptical Snowman Cookie is looking askance at my New Year’s resolutions list.
The greatest Christmas gift of all:
December 25, 2025 at 4:35 PM
The greatest Christmas gift of all:
“When you said you were going to ‘wake and bake’, we assumed that meant the cinnamon rolls would be ready for Christmas breakfast. Can you at least open a window?“
“Sorry, dudes. No problemo!”
“Sorry, dudes. No problemo!”
December 25, 2025 at 3:23 PM
“When you said you were going to ‘wake and bake’, we assumed that meant the cinnamon rolls would be ready for Christmas breakfast. Can you at least open a window?“
“Sorry, dudes. No problemo!”
“Sorry, dudes. No problemo!”
I popped into a local store today, and the proprietor (a friend) asked: “Are you one of those last-minute shoppers?“
“I prefer to think of it as ‘bonus thoughtfulness’“ I smiled, while nearly having a seizure at what a fucking liar I am.
“I prefer to think of it as ‘bonus thoughtfulness’“ I smiled, while nearly having a seizure at what a fucking liar I am.
December 25, 2025 at 12:45 AM
I popped into a local store today, and the proprietor (a friend) asked: “Are you one of those last-minute shoppers?“
“I prefer to think of it as ‘bonus thoughtfulness’“ I smiled, while nearly having a seizure at what a fucking liar I am.
“I prefer to think of it as ‘bonus thoughtfulness’“ I smiled, while nearly having a seizure at what a fucking liar I am.
Shocked to learn my family wants to attend a beatbox church service on Christmas Day.
December 24, 2025 at 2:18 PM
Shocked to learn my family wants to attend a beatbox church service on Christmas Day.
Roses are red
There’s an elf on the shelf,
There’s an elf on the shelf,
December 24, 2025 at 12:21 AM
Roses are red
There’s an elf on the shelf,
There’s an elf on the shelf,
When a colleague tries to light-heartedly engage, but you want to finish your work before the holiday.
December 23, 2025 at 5:14 PM
When a colleague tries to light-heartedly engage, but you want to finish your work before the holiday.
The Pinero family's 1933 Christmas card made from a brown paper bag always delivers. americanhistory.si.edu/blog/depress...
December 23, 2025 at 12:19 AM
The Pinero family's 1933 Christmas card made from a brown paper bag always delivers. americanhistory.si.edu/blog/depress...
DIY holiday gifts are an opportunity for me to flaunt my core strengths.
December 22, 2025 at 7:57 PM
DIY holiday gifts are an opportunity for me to flaunt my core strengths.
Reposted by Bart King
In the summer of 1950 most US newspapers ran an AP story about how race had become the main issue in the upcoming Georgia governor's race. Segregationist Herman Tallmadge, governor from '47 to '55 and then a Senator until 1981 made a name for himself by refusing to "apologize for being a white man."
December 21, 2025 at 10:57 PM
In the summer of 1950 most US newspapers ran an AP story about how race had become the main issue in the upcoming Georgia governor's race. Segregationist Herman Tallmadge, governor from '47 to '55 and then a Senator until 1981 made a name for himself by refusing to "apologize for being a white man."
Senator John Randolph (1773–1883) was so baby-faced, a colleague asked if he was old enough for the job. “Ask my constituents,” he replied.
(Of Henry Clay, Randolph said: “[He is] a man of splendid abilities, but utterly corrupt. He shines and stinks like rotten mackerel by moonlight.”)
(Of Henry Clay, Randolph said: “[He is] a man of splendid abilities, but utterly corrupt. He shines and stinks like rotten mackerel by moonlight.”)
December 21, 2025 at 10:39 PM
Senator John Randolph (1773–1883) was so baby-faced, a colleague asked if he was old enough for the job. “Ask my constituents,” he replied.
(Of Henry Clay, Randolph said: “[He is] a man of splendid abilities, but utterly corrupt. He shines and stinks like rotten mackerel by moonlight.”)
(Of Henry Clay, Randolph said: “[He is] a man of splendid abilities, but utterly corrupt. He shines and stinks like rotten mackerel by moonlight.”)
<holiday social>
“Hi, I’m Bart. Nice to meet you.”
“Hi Bart! I love your name. Is it Spanish?”
“Thank you, um…“
“Maybe it’s short for ‘Barth-elona’?”
“Hi, I’m Bart. Nice to meet you.”
“Hi Bart! I love your name. Is it Spanish?”
“Thank you, um…“
“Maybe it’s short for ‘Barth-elona’?”
December 21, 2025 at 6:14 PM
<holiday social>
“Hi, I’m Bart. Nice to meet you.”
“Hi Bart! I love your name. Is it Spanish?”
“Thank you, um…“
“Maybe it’s short for ‘Barth-elona’?”
“Hi, I’m Bart. Nice to meet you.”
“Hi Bart! I love your name. Is it Spanish?”
“Thank you, um…“
“Maybe it’s short for ‘Barth-elona’?”
Reposted by Bart King
For your collective delectation this holiday season:
Quite possibly the silliest thing I've ever written (and definitely the most ridiculous graph I've ever made!)
loreandordure.com/2025/12/16/j...
Quite possibly the silliest thing I've ever written (and definitely the most ridiculous graph I've ever made!)
loreandordure.com/2025/12/16/j...
Jingle Bells (Batman Smells): an incomplete festive folk-rhyme taxonomy
Gather round the fire, everyone, and let me tell you a story. It has everything you could want in a Christmas blockbuster: superheroes and villains, a car crash, children singing, a mystery to solv…
loreandordure.com
December 16, 2025 at 5:06 PM
For your collective delectation this holiday season:
Quite possibly the silliest thing I've ever written (and definitely the most ridiculous graph I've ever made!)
loreandordure.com/2025/12/16/j...
Quite possibly the silliest thing I've ever written (and definitely the most ridiculous graph I've ever made!)
loreandordure.com/2025/12/16/j...
Christmas shopping: DONE
December 21, 2025 at 1:02 AM
Christmas shopping: DONE
“OK gang, who’s ready for a big bowl of Golden Spurtle?”
December 20, 2025 at 10:37 PM
“OK gang, who’s ready for a big bowl of Golden Spurtle?”
I state everything baldly.
December 20, 2025 at 2:20 AM
I state everything baldly.
All in favor of renaming them as the Trump-Epstein Files, say aye.
December 20, 2025 at 1:11 AM
All in favor of renaming them as the Trump-Epstein Files, say aye.
The White House unveils its new "Presidential Walk of Fame":
December 19, 2025 at 1:49 PM
The White House unveils its new "Presidential Walk of Fame":
Reposted by Bart King
Every time I'm in a restaurant I remember Kevin McAleer's reply to a waiter who told him the Soup Of The Day.
"Where there any other contenders?"
"Um, no?"
"A hollow victory, then".
"Where there any other contenders?"
"Um, no?"
"A hollow victory, then".
December 19, 2025 at 10:10 AM
Every time I'm in a restaurant I remember Kevin McAleer's reply to a waiter who told him the Soup Of The Day.
"Where there any other contenders?"
"Um, no?"
"A hollow victory, then".
"Where there any other contenders?"
"Um, no?"
"A hollow victory, then".
If they’re naming new AI models after fruit, they should go with Durian (aka “stink fruit”). It has the aroma of rotting flesh and turpentine.
December 19, 2025 at 12:52 PM
If they’re naming new AI models after fruit, they should go with Durian (aka “stink fruit”). It has the aroma of rotting flesh and turpentine.
Would've been more on point to send checks for $1,984.
bit.ly/3Y3ei6C
bit.ly/3Y3ei6C
December 18, 2025 at 9:45 PM
Would've been more on point to send checks for $1,984.
bit.ly/3Y3ei6C
bit.ly/3Y3ei6C
Busting out an umbrella today, because the storms in the Pacific Northwest have been Mordor.
December 18, 2025 at 2:34 PM
Busting out an umbrella today, because the storms in the Pacific Northwest have been Mordor.
“Are you religious?“
“Yeah, you could say that.“
“Yeah, you could say that.“
December 18, 2025 at 1:03 AM
“Are you religious?“
“Yeah, you could say that.“
“Yeah, you could say that.“
“Blocked and reported.“
— College offensive lineman/journalism major
— College offensive lineman/journalism major
December 17, 2025 at 5:36 PM
“Blocked and reported.“
— College offensive lineman/journalism major
— College offensive lineman/journalism major
“My legs are so short, and my feet so very very close! Methinks the ayahuasca just hit.”
Marco Rubio just straight up looks like a sad divorced man at a Motel 6.
December 17, 2025 at 3:28 PM
“My legs are so short, and my feet so very very close! Methinks the ayahuasca just hit.”