Tom Crowley Simulator 2026
@atomcrowley.bsky.social
Writer, actor, comedian. Listen to my sketch comedy show Crowley Time: crowleytime.com
Pinned
A big moment for me! Episode 40 of my sketch and character comedy podcast Crowley Time is OUT NOW, and its very special guest is none other than Mr Podcasts, Mr Show alumnus and Mr Peanutbutter himself, Mr Paul F. Tompkins! On your podcast app and at crowleytime.com!
@pftompkins.bsky.social
@pftompkins.bsky.social
What a nice day. More coming very soon. Watch out, hissers! 🐍🐍🐍
@johnrain.co.uk @tpneenan.bsky.social
@johnrain.co.uk @tpneenan.bsky.social
February 7, 2026 at 6:04 PM
What a nice day. More coming very soon. Watch out, hissers! 🐍🐍🐍
@johnrain.co.uk @tpneenan.bsky.social
@johnrain.co.uk @tpneenan.bsky.social
TikTok is where there’s a guy called DonkeyDave and you’ve never heard of him but nine hundred million children follow him and he specialises in making something called ‘autistic pasta’ and it’s so popular that it destroyed Italy’s actual economy and it’s only 7:45am and you haven’t made your coffee
February 5, 2026 at 9:16 AM
TikTok is where there’s a guy called DonkeyDave and you’ve never heard of him but nine hundred million children follow him and he specialises in making something called ‘autistic pasta’ and it’s so popular that it destroyed Italy’s actual economy and it’s only 7:45am and you haven’t made your coffee
Reposted by Tom Crowley Simulator 2026
Me under torture ⤵️
ME: Do whatever you like, I’ll never tell you the nuclear codes! Never!
TORTURER: Drink this pint of the swamp water that collects at the bottom of the vegetable drawer.
ME: Aaaaaah eight four nine seven
ME: Do whatever you like, I’ll never tell you the nuclear codes! Never!
TORTURER: Drink this pint of the swamp water that collects at the bottom of the vegetable drawer.
ME: Aaaaaah eight four nine seven
February 3, 2026 at 12:15 PM
Me under torture ⤵️
ME: Do whatever you like, I’ll never tell you the nuclear codes! Never!
TORTURER: Drink this pint of the swamp water that collects at the bottom of the vegetable drawer.
ME: Aaaaaah eight four nine seven
ME: Do whatever you like, I’ll never tell you the nuclear codes! Never!
TORTURER: Drink this pint of the swamp water that collects at the bottom of the vegetable drawer.
ME: Aaaaaah eight four nine seven
Me under torture ⤵️
ME: Do whatever you like, I’ll never tell you the nuclear codes! Never!
TORTURER: Drink this pint of the swamp water that collects at the bottom of the vegetable drawer.
ME: Aaaaaah eight four nine seven
ME: Do whatever you like, I’ll never tell you the nuclear codes! Never!
TORTURER: Drink this pint of the swamp water that collects at the bottom of the vegetable drawer.
ME: Aaaaaah eight four nine seven
February 3, 2026 at 12:15 PM
Me under torture ⤵️
ME: Do whatever you like, I’ll never tell you the nuclear codes! Never!
TORTURER: Drink this pint of the swamp water that collects at the bottom of the vegetable drawer.
ME: Aaaaaah eight four nine seven
ME: Do whatever you like, I’ll never tell you the nuclear codes! Never!
TORTURER: Drink this pint of the swamp water that collects at the bottom of the vegetable drawer.
ME: Aaaaaah eight four nine seven
Reposted by Tom Crowley Simulator 2026
Hey, creative people! Just a heads up that you will be told "Wait, be patient. Your time will come" right up until you're told "You've had your time. Best step aside." It will even weirdly overlap in the middle.
Ignore both because they are both complete bullshit.
Ignore both because they are both complete bullshit.
February 2, 2026 at 2:15 PM
Hey, creative people! Just a heads up that you will be told "Wait, be patient. Your time will come" right up until you're told "You've had your time. Best step aside." It will even weirdly overlap in the middle.
Ignore both because they are both complete bullshit.
Ignore both because they are both complete bullshit.
If you use AI you're a scab pass it on
Received an email re a wedding speech. So I give them a ring.
Me:”Hi you emailed me about writing a wedding speech.”
Punter:”Hi, eh I’m going to use AI now, but thanks.”
There’s a pattern emerging here, folks…
Me:”Hi you emailed me about writing a wedding speech.”
Punter:”Hi, eh I’m going to use AI now, but thanks.”
There’s a pattern emerging here, folks…
February 2, 2026 at 4:16 PM
If you use AI you're a scab pass it on
“Grandma, it’s so wonderful to see you again! WHERE DID YOU HIDE UNCLE ROSTRUM’S GOLD?”
IN DEPTH | If you could speak to your dead grandmother forever, would you?
If you could speak to your dead grandmother forever, would you?
www.independent.co.uk
February 2, 2026 at 10:46 AM
“Grandma, it’s so wonderful to see you again! WHERE DID YOU HIDE UNCLE ROSTRUM’S GOLD?”
Reposted by Tom Crowley Simulator 2026
Take me down to the Parallax city where the far moves slow and the near moves quickly
February 1, 2026 at 3:40 PM
Take me down to the Parallax city where the far moves slow and the near moves quickly
Can we abolish the monarchy yet?
January 31, 2026 at 3:45 PM
Can we abolish the monarchy yet?
Like a lot of people my age, one of the first truly brilliant comic performances I ever saw was Catherine O’Hara in Home Alone. One of the greatest.
January 30, 2026 at 7:36 PM
Like a lot of people my age, one of the first truly brilliant comic performances I ever saw was Catherine O’Hara in Home Alone. One of the greatest.
90s kids knowz how it do be
January 30, 2026 at 4:18 PM
90s kids knowz how it do be
What's this thing now where Jimmy Carr starts dropping F-bombs like a terrified open mic comic at their first gig whenever he speaks to Americans?
January 30, 2026 at 3:55 PM
What's this thing now where Jimmy Carr starts dropping F-bombs like a terrified open mic comic at their first gig whenever he speaks to Americans?
The Garak-Siskhoff illusion: the feeling that, several months after beginning to watch Star Trek: Deep Space 9 for the first time, all you seem to see everywhere is Deep Space 9 all of a sudden.
January 28, 2026 at 6:00 PM
The Garak-Siskhoff illusion: the feeling that, several months after beginning to watch Star Trek: Deep Space 9 for the first time, all you seem to see everywhere is Deep Space 9 all of a sudden.
Reposted by Tom Crowley Simulator 2026
Reposted by Tom Crowley Simulator 2026
Hi new followers! If you're not sure who I am, I'm Tom Crowley, I do acting and writing, mainly in comedy. The best thing I do is a sketch comedy podcast called Crowley Time. It's free! Last year I was very excited to have Paul F Tompkins as a guest star for Episode 40. Download it today!
Meet Smeena, your helpful AI assistant! From Crowley Time Episode 40 with special guest Paul F. Tompkins. crowleytime.com
@pftompkins.bsky.social
@pftompkins.bsky.social
January 27, 2026 at 11:09 AM
Hi new followers! If you're not sure who I am, I'm Tom Crowley, I do acting and writing, mainly in comedy. The best thing I do is a sketch comedy podcast called Crowley Time. It's free! Last year I was very excited to have Paul F Tompkins as a guest star for Episode 40. Download it today!
Reposted by Tom Crowley Simulator 2026
I did a few voices for Things You Should Have Done like the Alexa, the 999 dispatcher and a couple of other bits. Listen out for me! I'm not in the credits but I promise it was me, I remember doing it.
January 28, 2026 at 12:29 PM
I did a few voices for Things You Should Have Done like the Alexa, the 999 dispatcher and a couple of other bits. Listen out for me! I'm not in the credits but I promise it was me, I remember doing it.
Meet your local Reform candidate for Minehead!
January 28, 2026 at 10:57 AM
Meet your local Reform candidate for Minehead!
Hi new followers! If you're not sure who I am, I'm Tom Crowley, I do acting and writing, mainly in comedy. The best thing I do is a sketch comedy podcast called Crowley Time. It's free! Last year I was very excited to have Paul F Tompkins as a guest star for Episode 40. Download it today!
Meet Smeena, your helpful AI assistant! From Crowley Time Episode 40 with special guest Paul F. Tompkins. crowleytime.com
@pftompkins.bsky.social
@pftompkins.bsky.social
January 27, 2026 at 11:09 AM
Hi new followers! If you're not sure who I am, I'm Tom Crowley, I do acting and writing, mainly in comedy. The best thing I do is a sketch comedy podcast called Crowley Time. It's free! Last year I was very excited to have Paul F Tompkins as a guest star for Episode 40. Download it today!
Four fictional characters who would definitely defect to Reform.
January 27, 2026 at 12:25 AM
Four fictional characters who would definitely defect to Reform.
Today, on telly’s 100th birthday, my state address is that the BBC is a miracle and the British people need to defend it. Buy a TV licence, advocate for public ownership and remember, always remember, that the BBC is much, much more than just a couple of BBC News correspondents you don’t like.
January 26, 2026 at 12:25 PM
Today, on telly’s 100th birthday, my state address is that the BBC is a miracle and the British people need to defend it. Buy a TV licence, advocate for public ownership and remember, always remember, that the BBC is much, much more than just a couple of BBC News correspondents you don’t like.
Reposted by Tom Crowley Simulator 2026
I think at this point the UK has accepted Paddington as the Death Bear, collector of souls. So, I think as a nation we should start smearing marmalade on the eyes of the dead and whisper “fare for the crossing”. It’ll feel weird now but, in three of four generations, no one will question it.
January 26, 2026 at 11:36 AM
I think at this point the UK has accepted Paddington as the Death Bear, collector of souls. So, I think as a nation we should start smearing marmalade on the eyes of the dead and whisper “fare for the crossing”. It’ll feel weird now but, in three of four generations, no one will question it.
Reposted by Tom Crowley Simulator 2026
Television is 100 years old today! 🎉
January 26, 2026 at 10:35 AM
Television is 100 years old today! 🎉
Return of the King.
January 24, 2026 at 3:47 PM
Return of the King.
Reposted by Tom Crowley Simulator 2026
Ah, I see they’ve installed the new Borg regeneration alcoves in St Pancras station.
January 23, 2026 at 6:17 PM
Ah, I see they’ve installed the new Borg regeneration alcoves in St Pancras station.
Fans of Crowley Time should deffo check out The Big Muddler by @matthewcrampton.bsky.social! A variety podcast where alongside new writing, Matthew performs old drinking songs, reads comic poetry and dramatises creaky old jokes. Beautiful music and presentation. Listen! thebigmuddler.buzzsprout.com
January 23, 2026 at 9:13 AM
Fans of Crowley Time should deffo check out The Big Muddler by @matthewcrampton.bsky.social! A variety podcast where alongside new writing, Matthew performs old drinking songs, reads comic poetry and dramatises creaky old jokes. Beautiful music and presentation. Listen! thebigmuddler.buzzsprout.com