Tom Crowley
@atomcrowley.bsky.social
Writer, actor, comedian, film, telly, radio. Listen to my sketch comedy show Crowley Time: crowleytime.com
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Tom Crowley
@atomcrowley.bsky.social
· Sep 26
For real, it's Crowley Time! Episode 39: The DiPoni Contingency, as seen live on stages throughout the land, is on your podcast app and at crowleytime.com NOW! What happened to Marco DiPoni? Find out with Gemma Arrowsmith and Paul Putner!
@mmaarrow.bsky.social @realpaulputner.bsky.social
@mmaarrow.bsky.social @realpaulputner.bsky.social
MY SCRIPT FOR NEXT JAMES BOND
GROUCHO: (Enters wearing bow tie and fez) Greetings, Russkies. I’m Bond James Bond, my Dad had a stutter. Put your guns down! Now put your hands up! Now put your feet up! It gets tiring, this espionage game. Allow me to introduce my associate, Voluptua Gazungas.
GROUCHO: (Enters wearing bow tie and fez) Greetings, Russkies. I’m Bond James Bond, my Dad had a stutter. Put your guns down! Now put your hands up! Now put your feet up! It gets tiring, this espionage game. Allow me to introduce my associate, Voluptua Gazungas.
November 11, 2025 at 1:02 PM
MY SCRIPT FOR NEXT JAMES BOND
GROUCHO: (Enters wearing bow tie and fez) Greetings, Russkies. I’m Bond James Bond, my Dad had a stutter. Put your guns down! Now put your hands up! Now put your feet up! It gets tiring, this espionage game. Allow me to introduce my associate, Voluptua Gazungas.
GROUCHO: (Enters wearing bow tie and fez) Greetings, Russkies. I’m Bond James Bond, my Dad had a stutter. Put your guns down! Now put your hands up! Now put your feet up! It gets tiring, this espionage game. Allow me to introduce my associate, Voluptua Gazungas.
Reposted by Tom Crowley
Anyone on the left who thinks that the BBC falling would help their politics, here and abroad, is an unbelievable fool
Revealing division in my timeline between (1) my insider friends who have lived privileged lives who are very keen that we defend the BBC and think it's important it survives and (2) my outsider friends who feel (at best) ambivalent about the BBC's survival.
November 11, 2025 at 12:39 PM
Anyone on the left who thinks that the BBC falling would help their politics, here and abroad, is an unbelievable fool
Reposted by Tom Crowley
The Day Today’s legacy is a whole generation of people who say “proof, if proof be need be” and can’t quite remember the real phrase.
November 11, 2025 at 12:24 PM
The Day Today’s legacy is a whole generation of people who say “proof, if proof be need be” and can’t quite remember the real phrase.
Reposted by Tom Crowley
6:30 is the best time on a clock hands down
November 9, 2025 at 10:24 PM
6:30 is the best time on a clock hands down
As King of Telly I would like to direct escaped criminal Donald Trump to point the second.
My pledges as next DG:
• Shows where famous wankers glance at clips of old shows on iPads and say ‘that’s great, isn’t it’ punishable by death
• Every accusation of imbalance to be met by a statement from me, the Director General, as follows: ‘up your arse sideways’
• Job retitled King of Telly
• Shows where famous wankers glance at clips of old shows on iPads and say ‘that’s great, isn’t it’ punishable by death
• Every accusation of imbalance to be met by a statement from me, the Director General, as follows: ‘up your arse sideways’
• Job retitled King of Telly
November 10, 2025 at 8:57 PM
As King of Telly I would like to direct escaped criminal Donald Trump to point the second.
My pledges as next DG:
• Shows where famous wankers glance at clips of old shows on iPads and say ‘that’s great, isn’t it’ punishable by death
• Every accusation of imbalance to be met by a statement from me, the Director General, as follows: ‘up your arse sideways’
• Job retitled King of Telly
• Shows where famous wankers glance at clips of old shows on iPads and say ‘that’s great, isn’t it’ punishable by death
• Every accusation of imbalance to be met by a statement from me, the Director General, as follows: ‘up your arse sideways’
• Job retitled King of Telly
November 9, 2025 at 8:39 PM
My pledges as next DG:
• Shows where famous wankers glance at clips of old shows on iPads and say ‘that’s great, isn’t it’ punishable by death
• Every accusation of imbalance to be met by a statement from me, the Director General, as follows: ‘up your arse sideways’
• Job retitled King of Telly
• Shows where famous wankers glance at clips of old shows on iPads and say ‘that’s great, isn’t it’ punishable by death
• Every accusation of imbalance to be met by a statement from me, the Director General, as follows: ‘up your arse sideways’
• Job retitled King of Telly
Reposted by Tom Crowley
My pledges for DG of the BBC
- no celebs presenting documentaries
- 3 set sitcoms recorded in front of a TV audience
- no Tufton St shitehawks ever
- proper music programmes
- Claudia Winkleman to be renamed Claudia Manwinkle
- no celebs presenting documentaries
- 3 set sitcoms recorded in front of a TV audience
- no Tufton St shitehawks ever
- proper music programmes
- Claudia Winkleman to be renamed Claudia Manwinkle
November 9, 2025 at 8:05 PM
My pledges for DG of the BBC
- no celebs presenting documentaries
- 3 set sitcoms recorded in front of a TV audience
- no Tufton St shitehawks ever
- proper music programmes
- Claudia Winkleman to be renamed Claudia Manwinkle
- no celebs presenting documentaries
- 3 set sitcoms recorded in front of a TV audience
- no Tufton St shitehawks ever
- proper music programmes
- Claudia Winkleman to be renamed Claudia Manwinkle
Reposted by Tom Crowley
OK FINE! I’ll be the next BBC Director General.
Day 1: funnel the budgets into a load of new comedies, dramas & documentaries. New Play for Today / Screen One type strand, new Comedy Playhouse pilots series once or twice a year.
Day 2: resign
Day 1: funnel the budgets into a load of new comedies, dramas & documentaries. New Play for Today / Screen One type strand, new Comedy Playhouse pilots series once or twice a year.
Day 2: resign
November 9, 2025 at 6:51 PM
OK FINE! I’ll be the next BBC Director General.
Day 1: funnel the budgets into a load of new comedies, dramas & documentaries. New Play for Today / Screen One type strand, new Comedy Playhouse pilots series once or twice a year.
Day 2: resign
Day 1: funnel the budgets into a load of new comedies, dramas & documentaries. New Play for Today / Screen One type strand, new Comedy Playhouse pilots series once or twice a year.
Day 2: resign
Reposted by Tom Crowley
Bloody Hell, no wonder K-9 and Company didn’t get picked up.
November 5, 2025 at 3:36 PM
Bloody Hell, no wonder K-9 and Company didn’t get picked up.
Bloody Hell, no wonder K-9 and Company didn’t get picked up.
November 5, 2025 at 3:36 PM
Bloody Hell, no wonder K-9 and Company didn’t get picked up.
Reposted by Tom Crowley
Love this Edward Gorey quote: "Anything that is art is presumably about some certain thing, but is really always about something else, and it’s no good having one without the other, because if you just have the something it is boring and if you just have the something else it’s irritating.”
October 27, 2025 at 12:47 PM
Love this Edward Gorey quote: "Anything that is art is presumably about some certain thing, but is really always about something else, and it’s no good having one without the other, because if you just have the something it is boring and if you just have the something else it’s irritating.”
Lots of lovely response to this and I’m chuffed! I took the responsibility of contributing to the Beef Canon very seriously indeed and I’m so happy that the Network members have taken to the taste of BEEF PIE.
🐄 Surprise! This year’s Beef and Dairy Network Halloween Special was written by me, Roger Westco- I mean, Tom Crowley! Salivate over BEEF PIE, on the Beef and Dairy podcast feed RIGHT NOW! 🥧
@beefanddairy.bsky.social
@beefanddairy.bsky.social
November 2, 2025 at 1:39 PM
Lots of lovely response to this and I’m chuffed! I took the responsibility of contributing to the Beef Canon very seriously indeed and I’m so happy that the Network members have taken to the taste of BEEF PIE.
Reposted by Tom Crowley
🐄 Surprise! This year’s Beef and Dairy Network Halloween Special was written by me, Roger Westco- I mean, Tom Crowley! Salivate over BEEF PIE, on the Beef and Dairy podcast feed RIGHT NOW! 🥧
@beefanddairy.bsky.social
@beefanddairy.bsky.social
October 31, 2025 at 12:03 PM
🐄 Surprise! This year’s Beef and Dairy Network Halloween Special was written by me, Roger Westco- I mean, Tom Crowley! Salivate over BEEF PIE, on the Beef and Dairy podcast feed RIGHT NOW! 🥧
@beefanddairy.bsky.social
@beefanddairy.bsky.social
We don’t want to give anybody sleepless nights, we don’t want to cause any panic.
October 31, 2025 at 11:11 PM
We don’t want to give anybody sleepless nights, we don’t want to cause any panic.
Reposted by Tom Crowley
Meine Lieblinge!
Is that me you can hear as Dr Marta Baumgartner in this year’s Beef & Dairy Halloween special BEEF PIE? 🥧
(Yes)
Is that me you can hear as Dr Marta Baumgartner in this year’s Beef & Dairy Halloween special BEEF PIE? 🥧
(Yes)
October 31, 2025 at 2:20 PM
Meine Lieblinge!
Is that me you can hear as Dr Marta Baumgartner in this year’s Beef & Dairy Halloween special BEEF PIE? 🥧
(Yes)
Is that me you can hear as Dr Marta Baumgartner in this year’s Beef & Dairy Halloween special BEEF PIE? 🥧
(Yes)
Reposted by Tom Crowley
Happy Halloween from Smersh Pod!
Hope you enjoyed our Halloween month of fun!
If you did, please leave a review and tell your pals!
Hope you enjoyed our Halloween month of fun!
If you did, please leave a review and tell your pals!
a pumpkin with a face carved into it is lit up
ALT: a pumpkin with a face carved into it is lit up
media.tenor.com
October 31, 2025 at 12:17 PM
Happy Halloween from Smersh Pod!
Hope you enjoyed our Halloween month of fun!
If you did, please leave a review and tell your pals!
Hope you enjoyed our Halloween month of fun!
If you did, please leave a review and tell your pals!
🐄 Surprise! This year’s Beef and Dairy Network Halloween Special was written by me, Roger Westco- I mean, Tom Crowley! Salivate over BEEF PIE, on the Beef and Dairy podcast feed RIGHT NOW! 🥧
@beefanddairy.bsky.social
@beefanddairy.bsky.social
October 31, 2025 at 12:03 PM
🐄 Surprise! This year’s Beef and Dairy Network Halloween Special was written by me, Roger Westco- I mean, Tom Crowley! Salivate over BEEF PIE, on the Beef and Dairy podcast feed RIGHT NOW! 🥧
@beefanddairy.bsky.social
@beefanddairy.bsky.social
This is the best episode yet. I love Leyline High Rewind so much! An absolute must-listen for Halloween! 👻
Can a children's TV show be cursed?
Do you dare click on our Halloween special episode to find out? (Please do dare.)
podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/8...
Do you dare click on our Halloween special episode to find out? (Please do dare.)
podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/8...
October 31, 2025 at 11:31 AM
This is the best episode yet. I love Leyline High Rewind so much! An absolute must-listen for Halloween! 👻
Reposted by Tom Crowley
THE 21st CENTURY:
HUMANITY: Hmm, climate change is a real problem but we're starting to reach the point where most of us acknowledge that something needs to be done.
A.I. DEVS: HEY WE INVENTED THIS GREAT THING THAT EATS FORESTS AND CRAPS OUT GARBAGE, IT ALSO STOPS YOUR BRAIN WORKING
HUMANITY: Hmm, climate change is a real problem but we're starting to reach the point where most of us acknowledge that something needs to be done.
A.I. DEVS: HEY WE INVENTED THIS GREAT THING THAT EATS FORESTS AND CRAPS OUT GARBAGE, IT ALSO STOPS YOUR BRAIN WORKING
October 3, 2025 at 4:21 PM
THE 21st CENTURY:
HUMANITY: Hmm, climate change is a real problem but we're starting to reach the point where most of us acknowledge that something needs to be done.
A.I. DEVS: HEY WE INVENTED THIS GREAT THING THAT EATS FORESTS AND CRAPS OUT GARBAGE, IT ALSO STOPS YOUR BRAIN WORKING
HUMANITY: Hmm, climate change is a real problem but we're starting to reach the point where most of us acknowledge that something needs to be done.
A.I. DEVS: HEY WE INVENTED THIS GREAT THING THAT EATS FORESTS AND CRAPS OUT GARBAGE, IT ALSO STOPS YOUR BRAIN WORKING
There will be civil war in Britain, if by civil war you mean a few twats painting red crosses on stuff in the night and the next day other people seeing it and tutting.
October 30, 2025 at 10:09 AM
There will be civil war in Britain, if by civil war you mean a few twats painting red crosses on stuff in the night and the next day other people seeing it and tutting.
Adverts should be representative of traditional British families
October 27, 2025 at 4:49 PM
Adverts should be representative of traditional British families