Statham Dayspring Askani’son
LightNews LightNews
banner
askulie.bsky.social
Statham Dayspring Askani’son
@askulie.bsky.social
230 followers 650 following 1.1K posts
> Portmanteau Aficionado
> Fixed-width Font Advocate
> Honorary PhD in TI-BASIC
> Semi-professional Aspartame Connoisseur 🥤
Posts Replies Media Videos
Pinned
askulie.bsky.social
Statham Dayspring Askani’son @askulie.bsky.social · Jul 9
Let’s do that Lady and the Tramp thing but with an Arby’s curly fry.
askulie.bsky.social
Guess I gotta root for the Patriots cuz Bon Jovi.
February 8, 2026 at 11:18 PM
askulie.bsky.social
Locking in to shitpost about the Super Bowl.
A man sits in a mesh office chair, facing away from the camera toward a massive wall of at least 15 computer monitors stacked in a grid. The screens display a complex array of data visualizations, including colorful bar graphs, pie charts, line graphs, global maps, and lines of code. The desk is cluttered with multiple keyboards, control panels, and various tech peripherals, suggesting a high-tech command center, trading floor, or cybersecurity hub. The room is dimly lit, with the glow from the screens providing the primary light source. (AI generated)
February 8, 2026 at 10:42 PM
askulie.bsky.social
We weren’t sure if we were gonna go with Scarlett Johansson or Cara Delevigne, so we just split the difference.
Against a moody, deep-red background, three main characters are shown chest-deep in dark water. In the center, a woman (Scarlett Johansson) looks ahead with a determined expression, holding a large tranquilizer rifle. To her left, a man in a tan beret (Mahershala Ali) holds a bright, glowing orange flare aloft. To her right, a man with glasses and a backpack (Jonathan Bailey) looks off to the side with a concerned expression. At the bottom center is the "Jurassic World Rebirth" logo, featuring the classic gold T-Rex skeleton silhouette. Above the characters, a massive, shadowy shape—likely a dinosaur—looms in the red mist.
February 8, 2026 at 7:13 PM
askulie.bsky.social
Time to go sign up for a mediocre streaming service that I canceled when the content I wanted moved to another mediocre streaming service so I can watch a game that’s about 20% commercials that I could get free over the air if the digital conversion hadn’t trashed the reception in my area.
February 8, 2026 at 2:12 PM
askulie.bsky.social
Fraternity names that sound like something Pootie Tang would say.
February 7, 2026 at 2:41 PM
askulie.bsky.social
I ‘member.
February 4, 2026 at 3:45 AM
askulie.bsky.social
Superb Owl is to Super Bowl as Probe Owl is to Pro Bowl.

I will not be taking questions.
February 1, 2026 at 8:08 PM
Reposted by Statham Dayspring Askani’son
frovo.bsky.social
ME: whenever i make fried eggs the yolks break but when i make scrambled eggs they don’t

ALANIS MORISSETTE: i’m sorry but the lyrics are already done
February 1, 2026 at 6:59 PM
askulie.bsky.social
Goodbye frozen concentrate orange juice. I always thought you kinda sucked, but you had a good run.
February 1, 2026 at 2:29 PM
askulie.bsky.social
Happy (slightly belated but it’s still January somewhere) Birthday to the 🐐 Grant Morrison.

I still consider New X-Men (2001-2004) to be the greatest work of fiction I have ever experienced.
A medium shot shows Grant Morrison in a gray ruffled jacket walking down a brightly lit hallway, flanked by two people wearing distorted vampire masks with sharp teeth and messy dark hair. The scene is bathed in a distinct purple and green tint, giving it a surreal, cinematic feel.
February 1, 2026 at 5:32 AM
askulie.bsky.social
HEY CARL WE’RE GONNA NEED THEM REALLY BIG ZIP TIES
A close-up photograph of a black plastic Panduit zip tie being used to secure an orange and white warning sign to a black metal mesh fence. The sign includes a large black exclamation point inside a triangle and the text "No climbing" and "the play" in black lettering. Sunlight creates a lens flare in the upper right corner, casting a rainbow-colored glare across the sign.
January 31, 2026 at 11:15 PM
askulie.bsky.social
I dare you to refer to him as Philip.

Go on, try it.

Weird isn’t it?
A medium shot of a young Phil Collins against a solid bright pink background. He has receding brown hair with a slight mullet style and is wearing a blue short-sleeved button-down shirt featuring vertical stripes in shades of purple and black. He is looking directly at the camera with a slight, neutral smile.
January 31, 2026 at 1:32 AM
askulie.bsky.social
I finally got around to watching “The Linguini Incident” (1991) and it’s great.
A two-panel meme featuring scenes from the 1991 film The Linguini Incident. • Top Panel: A close-up of David Bowie, looking enthusiastic with a wide smile. Overlaid orange text reads: "Why don't we do the sophisticated thing and all sleep together?" • Bottom Panel: A wide shot of the room showing Bowie standing near two women who are looking at him with expressions of confusion and discomfort. Overlaid orange text in brackets reads: "[awkward silence]" The background is a cluttered, bohemian-style apartment filled with clothing racks, mannequin torsos, and various props.
January 30, 2026 at 10:58 PM
askulie.bsky.social
Me and bae at any remotely social gathering.
A medium shot of two people dressed in elaborate 18th-century Rococo-style attire, seated in a dimly lit, opulent room. On the left, a man with pale powdered skin and a blonde periwig wears a velvet magenta frock coat with gold embroidery. He looks upward with a faint smile. Beside him, a woman in a red velvet gown and matching headpiece holds a decorative fan partially over her face. The background features dark drapes, a floral arrangement, and a gold candelabra, creating a moody, theatrical atmosphere.
January 30, 2026 at 4:42 AM
askulie.bsky.social
“Back for Good” by Take That is objectively the best song ever recorded.
January 30, 2026 at 2:09 AM
askulie.bsky.social
So I have a news app that sends me a push notification, and when I click on it, it opens the article in the default browser instead of the app.

After complaining about my ad blocker, a big pop up appears that says “try our app!”

Bro, I tried. It’s not my fault you vibe coded a shit ouroboros.
January 29, 2026 at 10:52 PM
askulie.bsky.social
I’m gonna train a generative AI model on Coheed and Cambria lyrics and call it Claudio.
A screenshot of a chat interface between a user and an AI. The user asks, "Listen well...will you marry me?" to which the AI responds in a large, serif font: "Not now, Boy." The bottom of the screen shows the Coheed and Cambria Keywork logo—alongside a disclaimer stating, "The Writing Writer can make mistakes. Please double check responses.”
January 25, 2026 at 8:55 PM
Reposted by Statham Dayspring Askani’son
brendelbored.bsky.social
I feel like both The Killers and Imagine Dragons make music that can sometimes be called embarrassing but The Killers go into that process fully intending that to be the case while Imagine Dragons think they’re making Quadrophenia and end up screaming at each other about how it went wrong
January 12, 2026 at 1:04 AM
askulie.bsky.social
I have made “perpetually intending to watch all of Neon Genesis Evangelion” my entire personality.
December 7, 2025 at 4:25 AM
askulie.bsky.social
It’s like ten thousand Baldwins when all you need is a Skarsgård.
December 6, 2025 at 4:15 PM
askulie.bsky.social
Heart to heart you’ll shut up when I’m talking to you.
An image of a meme with text at the top that reads, "The video for Linkin Park’s 'One Step Closer' is the Wario of the video for 'The Warrior' by Scandal. I will not elaborate further." Below the text are two side-by-side stills from the respective music videos. The left image shows Patty Smyth of Scandal, with short, dark hair, singing passionately with her mouth wide open. The right image shows Chester Bennington of Linkin Park, with spiky, bleached blonde hair, an intense, angry expression, and a greenish-yellow tint to the lighting.
November 29, 2025 at 1:11 AM
askulie.bsky.social
Oblique reference to a late night comedy sketch from 16 years ago in 3…2…1…
A meme featuring white text on a black background that reads: "If you combine Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Saving Silverman you get Forgetting Sarah Silverman." Below the text is a close-up reaction image of actor Matt Damon looking upset, with his lips tightly pursed in a grimace.
November 28, 2025 at 2:11 PM
askulie.bsky.social
A screenshot of a Rolling Stone article “Paul McCartney Protests AI with Silent Track” atop a picture of John Cage with the caption of “BRO…”
November 19, 2025 at 2:27 AM
askulie.bsky.social
My wife likes food so spicy it feels like getting thrown 16 feet off Hell in a Cell by The Undertaker in 1998. 🌶️
November 15, 2025 at 6:40 PM
askulie.bsky.social
Winter is here, and thus…
November 9, 2025 at 8:55 PM