Zelene
@zxlene.bsky.social
20s / trans / 🇺🇸 / 🔞
don't follow me i do not do anything
don't follow me i do not do anything
Pinned
Zelene
@zxlene.bsky.social
· Mar 21
I BLOCK PEOPLE WHO INTERACT WITH ME
Reposted by Zelene
look. the process of aging is tough. coming to terms with the impermanence of the body is never easy. but I find it useful to remember that age is just a number. what is coming for you is not so easily calculated
October 27, 2025 at 12:24 PM
look. the process of aging is tough. coming to terms with the impermanence of the body is never easy. but I find it useful to remember that age is just a number. what is coming for you is not so easily calculated
gaslighting myself into thinking everything I post has already been said and I'm just subconsciously plagiarizing it in a less funny way
September 19, 2025 at 1:25 AM
gaslighting myself into thinking everything I post has already been said and I'm just subconsciously plagiarizing it in a less funny way
me: let's go outside today
brain: BUT WHAT IF PEOPLE CATCH YOU BEING A HUMAN
m: you're right!! Staying inside it is
b: ok just don't post anything online though
m: I trust you but why
b: THATS A PERMANENT RECORD OF YOU BEING A HUMAN! HOW HUMILIATING!
m: I literally can't find any flaws in your logic
brain: BUT WHAT IF PEOPLE CATCH YOU BEING A HUMAN
m: you're right!! Staying inside it is
b: ok just don't post anything online though
m: I trust you but why
b: THATS A PERMANENT RECORD OF YOU BEING A HUMAN! HOW HUMILIATING!
m: I literally can't find any flaws in your logic
September 19, 2025 at 1:21 AM
me: let's go outside today
brain: BUT WHAT IF PEOPLE CATCH YOU BEING A HUMAN
m: you're right!! Staying inside it is
b: ok just don't post anything online though
m: I trust you but why
b: THATS A PERMANENT RECORD OF YOU BEING A HUMAN! HOW HUMILIATING!
m: I literally can't find any flaws in your logic
brain: BUT WHAT IF PEOPLE CATCH YOU BEING A HUMAN
m: you're right!! Staying inside it is
b: ok just don't post anything online though
m: I trust you but why
b: THATS A PERMANENT RECORD OF YOU BEING A HUMAN! HOW HUMILIATING!
m: I literally can't find any flaws in your logic
badguy: now Mr Superspy, you will die
spy: hang on just one second, are you even really Russian
b: w. Why do you ask me that
s: well, it's just that you haven't snuck in any Russian words into your sentences
b: do you speak Russian?
s: well, no-
spy: hang on just one second, are you even really Russian
b: w. Why do you ask me that
s: well, it's just that you haven't snuck in any Russian words into your sentences
b: do you speak Russian?
s: well, no-
September 18, 2025 at 7:57 PM
badguy: now Mr Superspy, you will die
spy: hang on just one second, are you even really Russian
b: w. Why do you ask me that
s: well, it's just that you haven't snuck in any Russian words into your sentences
b: do you speak Russian?
s: well, no-
spy: hang on just one second, are you even really Russian
b: w. Why do you ask me that
s: well, it's just that you haven't snuck in any Russian words into your sentences
b: do you speak Russian?
s: well, no-
policeman: ok so here's your squad car
trainee: cool! Can I try it out
p: sure go ahead
t: *gets in car fiddles with computer*
p: the car will be your responsibility but honestly we don't really- what are you doing
t: you have any idea how to install steam on this thing? btw can training be over now
trainee: cool! Can I try it out
p: sure go ahead
t: *gets in car fiddles with computer*
p: the car will be your responsibility but honestly we don't really- what are you doing
t: you have any idea how to install steam on this thing? btw can training be over now
September 18, 2025 at 6:36 PM
policeman: ok so here's your squad car
trainee: cool! Can I try it out
p: sure go ahead
t: *gets in car fiddles with computer*
p: the car will be your responsibility but honestly we don't really- what are you doing
t: you have any idea how to install steam on this thing? btw can training be over now
trainee: cool! Can I try it out
p: sure go ahead
t: *gets in car fiddles with computer*
p: the car will be your responsibility but honestly we don't really- what are you doing
t: you have any idea how to install steam on this thing? btw can training be over now
stars are so fucking crazy you're telling me these things are like an unfathomable distance away and we can STILL see these bitches in the sky???
What the fuck is that all about???
What the fuck is that all about???
September 16, 2025 at 9:40 AM
stars are so fucking crazy you're telling me these things are like an unfathomable distance away and we can STILL see these bitches in the sky???
What the fuck is that all about???
What the fuck is that all about???
I can't sleep I have to brood
September 16, 2025 at 8:29 AM
I can't sleep I have to brood
Reposted by Zelene
two weeks weiner prison, no parole, may god have mercy on that itty bitty clitty
a cartoon drawing of a red circle with a white background
ALT: a cartoon drawing of a red circle with a white background
media.tenor.com
September 14, 2025 at 4:34 AM
two weeks weiner prison, no parole, may god have mercy on that itty bitty clitty
spiders are so fucking beaytiful I love you male tarantulas I hope you get to bang a lotta tarantula broads why am I crhing
These hairy spiders spend almost all of their lives underground. But when it's time to mate, they must brave the great outdoors before they perish.
Male tarantulas are moving and wooing their way across Colorado
These hairy spiders spend almost all of their lives underground. But when it's time to mate, they must brave the great outdoors before they perish.
n.pr
September 13, 2025 at 8:12 PM
spiders are so fucking beaytiful I love you male tarantulas I hope you get to bang a lotta tarantula broads why am I crhing
ph you think I look stupid, so do I, but I'm doing it for a role
Wwhat role you say??? Umm uhhh autobiogrphy?
Wwhat role you say??? Umm uhhh autobiogrphy?
September 13, 2025 at 5:02 AM
ph you think I look stupid, so do I, but I'm doing it for a role
Wwhat role you say??? Umm uhhh autobiogrphy?
Wwhat role you say??? Umm uhhh autobiogrphy?
imagine how much time can be saved by putting '90' instead of '1:30' when heating stuff in the microwave
September 13, 2025 at 5:00 AM
imagine how much time can be saved by putting '90' instead of '1:30' when heating stuff in the microwave
Reposted by Zelene
lots of jokes about charlie kirk reciting the shahada
and I'm sorry to say, that's just not what happened
his final words were an unintelligible gurgling rasp
he died, trying to say something
knowing that no one was listening
and knowing, with perfect clarity
that all of this was his own fault
and I'm sorry to say, that's just not what happened
his final words were an unintelligible gurgling rasp
he died, trying to say something
knowing that no one was listening
and knowing, with perfect clarity
that all of this was his own fault
September 10, 2025 at 9:01 PM
lots of jokes about charlie kirk reciting the shahada
and I'm sorry to say, that's just not what happened
his final words were an unintelligible gurgling rasp
he died, trying to say something
knowing that no one was listening
and knowing, with perfect clarity
that all of this was his own fault
and I'm sorry to say, that's just not what happened
his final words were an unintelligible gurgling rasp
he died, trying to say something
knowing that no one was listening
and knowing, with perfect clarity
that all of this was his own fault
Reposted by Zelene
i hope this event can help ease the concerns of all the insecure guys out there. just 9mm is enough to make a lot of women VERY happy
September 10, 2025 at 8:54 PM
i hope this event can help ease the concerns of all the insecure guys out there. just 9mm is enough to make a lot of women VERY happy
Reposted by Zelene
Sniper who is constantly monologuing about how much of a lone wolf she is and how killing is the loneliest profession x spotter who who smiles and nods reassuringly before making her chicken nuggies and Mac and cheese exactly how she likes it and tucking her into bed every night
September 3, 2025 at 5:33 PM
Sniper who is constantly monologuing about how much of a lone wolf she is and how killing is the loneliest profession x spotter who who smiles and nods reassuringly before making her chicken nuggies and Mac and cheese exactly how she likes it and tucking her into bed every night
Reposted by Zelene
4-Year-Old’s Optimism Just Making Things Worse For Area Family https://theonion.com/4-year-old-s-optimism-just-making-things-worse-for-area-1819572921/
September 2, 2025 at 10:00 PM
4-Year-Old’s Optimism Just Making Things Worse For Area Family https://theonion.com/4-year-old-s-optimism-just-making-things-worse-for-area-1819572921/
oh, to be evil (ethically)
September 1, 2025 at 11:42 PM
oh, to be evil (ethically)
stray cats are so cool, where are they going, what important business are they up to
August 30, 2025 at 8:27 AM
stray cats are so cool, where are they going, what important business are they up to
Reposted by Zelene
we need to get kojima on estrogen right now
August 30, 2025 at 12:07 AM
we need to get kojima on estrogen right now
bats are the cutest little things, yes click click my little friend spit yo shit indeed
August 28, 2025 at 3:18 AM
bats are the cutest little things, yes click click my little friend spit yo shit indeed
Reposted by Zelene
advantages of moving to seattle:
- two new hockey teams to root for
- maintain access to salt and trees
- actual music scene
- "weird tranny jerusalem"
- getting to play up that I'm an innocent country girl moving to the big city, which I assume that predatory lesbians will find extremely enticing
- two new hockey teams to root for
- maintain access to salt and trees
- actual music scene
- "weird tranny jerusalem"
- getting to play up that I'm an innocent country girl moving to the big city, which I assume that predatory lesbians will find extremely enticing
I'm going to live in the same place as whales. I can go see them, sometimes. if I want
August 26, 2025 at 12:47 PM
advantages of moving to seattle:
- two new hockey teams to root for
- maintain access to salt and trees
- actual music scene
- "weird tranny jerusalem"
- getting to play up that I'm an innocent country girl moving to the big city, which I assume that predatory lesbians will find extremely enticing
- two new hockey teams to root for
- maintain access to salt and trees
- actual music scene
- "weird tranny jerusalem"
- getting to play up that I'm an innocent country girl moving to the big city, which I assume that predatory lesbians will find extremely enticing
hey siri are bee spiders real
hey siri why are you a liar
hey siri why are you a liar
August 23, 2025 at 4:04 AM
hey siri are bee spiders real
hey siri why are you a liar
hey siri why are you a liar
Reposted by Zelene
FDA Warns Against Eating Potentially Radioactive Shrimp Sold At Walmart https://theonion.com/fda-warns-against-eating-potentially-radioactive-shrimp-sold-at-walmart/
August 22, 2025 at 7:30 PM
FDA Warns Against Eating Potentially Radioactive Shrimp Sold At Walmart https://theonion.com/fda-warns-against-eating-potentially-radioactive-shrimp-sold-at-walmart/
Reposted by Zelene
#mints.art i left this comic unfinished like a year ago and finally got the motivation to pick up where i left off
![*mints at the grocery store*
mints: lets see... sprite for $1.20... cherry coke for $1.15... [instant death] for 90¢... well thats the cheapest deal
*soda can says [instant death], warning: /literally/*
*checkout stand time, checkout-mints waves away another customer while mints wonders if any groceries were missed*
checkout-mints: hey there! hows your day been? find everything okay? love the coat!
mints: huh? oh, conversation. i know this
checkout-mints: hah, what a coincidence, me too!
checkout-mints: woah, uh... are you really buying [instant death]? (is it legal that we sell this)](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:xy3gdplqjjh3nbnaggxfnhvp/bafkreicinkfcxdywfiuohfp72lu5pwjwvnswrzhyrpdz3nqg7fihbmbye4@jpeg)
![*mints flops through the doorway. home, finally*
*influencer mode activated! energy restored! a photo of the groceries is posted to bsky*
*the groceries are on the floor, including the novelty watermelon bowling ball mints bought just to make the bag heavier to carry*
bsky-reply: mints. why did you get [instant death]
mints-reply: im not picky about brand or flavor, i focus on pricing and sales
bsky-reply: mints it says "literally" on the can because it literally does what it says.
mints-reply: it may be 30 cents but these savings add up
*the original post gets two likes*
mints-imagination: *gasp* i can feel my lifespan extend by an equivalent number of minutes! immortality here i come
mints-irl: (thatd be a funny post)
*doesnt post it*](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:xy3gdplqjjh3nbnaggxfnhvp/bafkreih22fi7qqoi2nefqz7okx6xhyya5z3i73upqogb7n7wtennqvbwxy@jpeg)
![jess: need help putting these away?
mints: nah
jess: too bad. im helping
mints: thanks
mints: (shes a good dog)
jess: (im a good dog)
*jess offscreen, in the kitchen*
jess: hey hon? quick question.
mints: shoot
jess: the uh... [instant death]... youre gonna drink this?
mints: yeah
*jess peers out at mints, looking distraught*
jess: none for me?
mints: shoot. ill get an extra next time
jess: /two/ extra
mints: two extra](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:xy3gdplqjjh3nbnaggxfnhvp/bafkreihpemzeknfyogftj2syy4okvttc6kzx3udm52icasd3p6swodiawe@jpeg)
August 4, 2025 at 6:38 AM
#mints.art i left this comic unfinished like a year ago and finally got the motivation to pick up where i left off
The July 4th experience of watching cars get stuck in the sand
July 5, 2025 at 2:36 AM
The July 4th experience of watching cars get stuck in the sand
i hate mod managers idc that it's "easier", idc if have to reinstall if i mess up. JUST GIVE ME MANUAL INSTRUCTIONS AND LET ME FAIL
June 15, 2025 at 1:36 AM
i hate mod managers idc that it's "easier", idc if have to reinstall if i mess up. JUST GIVE ME MANUAL INSTRUCTIONS AND LET ME FAIL