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zofiawarwick.bsky.social
@zofiawarwick.bsky.social
320 followers 170 following 890 posts
Writer of stuff. Thirtysomething old fuck. Weird Baltimore person.

Just realized I could do this. Bask in my computer illiteracy:
https://books2read.com/ap/nEJQpv/Zofia-Warwick

Lover of most things puppetry related, offbeat, and anti-establishment.
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zofiawarwick.bsky.social
Very short I'm afraid, but basically the gist.
Warm beach, still waters, with sand as white as talc. The old man drifted lazily under the sun, buried his legs and waist in the wet sand by the surf. Skin silky from the saltwater, he felt restful and content, as he hadn’t in ages.//After some redness misattrbuted to sunburn and a slight burning itch, the black dots formed, deep pocks in the skin, unbearably itchy. Up from the edges of his toenails to the bulges of his calves, trailing up thighs and buttocks, trunk and belly, navel and genitals and wrists and fingertips. He writhed, a coral skeleton housing hundreds of greedy fleas, his skin sloughing around them, oozing and reddening, follicular coils of excrescence blooming from the craters. The septicemia that followed way almost a mercy, in that by that point he was no longer conscious.
November 15, 2025 at 9:33 PM
zofiawarwick.bsky.social
Paul Rudd, a petulant child in this high school comedy scene, writhes and contorts, bending his body into a question mark.
November 14, 2025 at 11:13 PM
zofiawarwick.bsky.social
On a pretty good depression streak at the moment (72 hours and counting) so I'm going to introduce you all to the neo-dadaist, anti-Pop, avant-garde junk art of Robert Mallary.

In his own words, this is what he was going for with these pieces: www.artforum.com/features/an-...
Untitled (Standing Figure) 1975. Robert Mallory. Cast bronze. A little like Picasso's Don Quixote if 3D and frontal. Amerigo 1958. Mixed media. A cross between a petroglyph and a cuneiform tablet. Deeply weird, ancient-looking and interesting. Untitled 1957-1958. A mixed media piece that looks like a plaster impression of a fossil gone horribly awry.
November 9, 2025 at 11:32 PM
zofiawarwick.bsky.social
Welcome to Sunday. We're nine days into November and there's a clammy chilliness to the air that feels not unlike being doused in that glacial cold water from the outdoor spigot on a summer day. (Garden hose nozzle optional.)

I get to go outside later.
A dog wrapped up like a cat mummy in a plush, thick polar fleece that's also been chewed up, sitting on a leather couch.
November 9, 2025 at 2:56 PM
zofiawarwick.bsky.social
Happy Halloween one and all! Wherever the celebratory spirit finds you, remember to watch out for each other and keep warm (unless you're in antipodean places.)

Also: places that needs a few treats:

give.propublica.org
give.feedingamerica.org
wck.org/relief/shutd...
www.unicef.org/sudan/
From Mexperience.com. Cute little jack o'lantern cuddling with a calavera wearing a grand bigote.
October 31, 2025 at 2:35 PM
zofiawarwick.bsky.social
If you do it Francesco Giani needs to illustrate the cover. Either him or Matthew Forsythe. Case in point:
From Warning: Do Not Open This Book
October 28, 2025 at 11:52 PM
zofiawarwick.bsky.social
And now for something overly dramatic:
(If not me, at least support your local weirdo author--they're like witches. Vitally important to the fabric of society.)

#writesky #shilling #capitalismisugggh #books #horrorcomedy #weird #supportyourlocalweirdoauthor
A rundown of book titles done in the style of a lost pet or bicycle poster, explaining that Zofia comes to Zofia, maybe also Zofia Warwick, is currently missing from nearby bookshelves, was last seen in Baltimore, and might very well perish like a Tinkerbell if these books don't get sold. Your eternal reward for caving and buying a book? The best reward: Mayhem. If you have available purchasing moolah, make your way over to https://books2read.com/ap/nEJQpv/Zofia-Warwick.
October 28, 2025 at 11:09 PM
zofiawarwick.bsky.social
Can't get any more right than this guy:
Mug shot of Vincenzo Peruggia, moustache bearing Mona Lisa art thief. Surprisingly, outside of the moustache, he's not very slick for an international cat burglar. Like, his tie is even a bit crooked.
October 19, 2025 at 10:01 PM
zofiawarwick.bsky.social
Okay, fashioned a bucket list (desperately depressed) and am going to share it. Feel free to add your own! The crazier the better is what I say.

#depressionmeansbucketlist
Bucket list! Items are in no special order: Get drunk and wander through a Hands (Japanese stationary store.) Iceland! (Sign says Iceland.) Sell...soap? Books? (Vending!) Live by a Sea (waves!) Grow Beer (hops!) Eat this on all foods and not die (Buldak 2X Spicy sauce) World Peace (abstract, but beachy) Kayak like Paul Theroux (kayaking in pristine potentially Pacific waters) Parent well (a kid blowing bubbles in silhouette)
October 13, 2025 at 11:19 PM
zofiawarwick.bsky.social
Seems to be like this a lot, eh?

#submitting #fonts #writesky
A woman, blonde, screams at a cat, fluffy and white. "I want to use a san-serif font!" she cries, held back by a wary friend. "Pfft. We only Times New Roman." the cat dismisses over the edge of the fancy table that seats him. His food's probably getting cold.
October 11, 2025 at 6:59 PM
zofiawarwick.bsky.social
Guys: for your consideration, a vampire story.

#graphichorror #nobloodnoviolenceplsvampires #ijustdid
Backdrop: city and moon. His teeth bore down, sharp ripping and rending the supple flesh. Eyes dark with primordial hunger. The red juices ran. The creature's lips twitched, and curled, and coveted. The fruit opened, spilling its seed. Wet dribbled down the foul creature's chin, and it nibbled greedily. He wrestled with his terrible jaw and tried muscling it whole into his maw. It was a tomato, and he was a squirrel. There was a vampire present too, but it was off somewhere else, doing something too graphic for the page.
October 8, 2025 at 12:01 AM
zofiawarwick.bsky.social
OPDIVO is a proven immunotherapy to help your body fight against cancer. Alone or in combination with other therapies, OPDIVO is approved by the FDA to be a first treatment option for many types of cancer. Talk to your healthcare provider to find out if OPDIVO or an OPDIVO‑based combination is right for you. Zorak was not paid to endorse this product. He is simply shouting, Opdivo!
September 23, 2025 at 11:47 PM
zofiawarwick.bsky.social
I feel like this is an event that understands my needs, but I've only been publishing stuff for <2 years. :S

If it's open to published stuff in that range then you know, cool. It's all the way unhinged.
"I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roomate." "What's that make us?" "Absolutely nothing! (Which is what you are about to become.)" Relevance sustained because Spaceballs.
September 23, 2025 at 10:06 PM
zofiawarwick.bsky.social
I've summed up what you're getting here with a hijacked quote.
#weirdlit #satire #horrorcomedy #writing #outsider
I'm not kidding. It's like someone let Noel Fielding do peyote up in here. Anyway, this image features a fire breathing unicorn mounted by a blaster carrying tuxedo cat in a field of rainbows, and asks 'Wouldst thou like to live deliciously?'
September 23, 2025 at 12:27 AM
zofiawarwick.bsky.social
He's a little tramp:
Chaplin Snek is knit and cannot hurt you. I think.
September 21, 2025 at 10:39 PM
zofiawarwick.bsky.social
Really dig this concept of justice at the University of Lagos and think this should be a global trend. Take out the swords in favor of metaphorical ploughshares. Justice can't be found in the swing of a sword.
Sculpted in bronze by Adeola Balogun for the University of Lagos Faculty of Law building, the Justice and Culture statue is not blindfolded and equally balances Yoruba and Igbo cultural artefacts along with the scales of justice. Honestly replacing the sword is a pretty great idea--it's not like any punishment in the modern world requires a sword, after all.
September 20, 2025 at 3:04 PM
zofiawarwick.bsky.social
Now, the last one is at the normal set price for right now because it just came out, but that set price is only 3.99. I like the idea of not breaking anyone's bank as a rule. Throughout the books there are glimpses of what goes down in this one, and well? It goes down.

books2read.com/b/4XO6yg
A beautiful fan used in Shinto ritual and some blood red text. Wonder what's going on here?
September 14, 2025 at 1:25 PM
zofiawarwick.bsky.social
Book five. Whew! This one is a bit of a dead baby comedy, in that Roland goes missing, and Matilda is revealed to have terrorist cult origins.

books2read.com/b/mBdNYM
A dead-eyed redhead stares out at you from a vague Australian bush locale. Added some fancy border bits and made her wardrobe a bit more fitting to the haunted porcelain doll nature of the character. Think she needs more of a tan, but she's also a redhead. They don't generally do that.
September 14, 2025 at 1:22 PM
zofiawarwick.bsky.social
Part four! Yes, there are a few of these. Part four involves a conscious uncoupling, SF in SF, an infernal startup in a haunted old building, and a modest proposal.

books2read.com/b/mYeGWV
A whole book, just to make Star Trek and Big Trouble in Little China references. This is a street view of the iconic neighborhood of San Francisco, done in Bullit style 70's flair. This cover looks like a thriller, not a comedy that spends some time indicting techbros.
September 14, 2025 at 1:13 PM
zofiawarwick.bsky.social
Submitted with tongue firmly set in cheek to an Amazon competition when it came out, part three covers a haunting, gardening, furries, the state of US policing, and a funeral. Plus something really odd happens to the director.

books2read.com/b/bxxaPo
The plot-relevant interior of WMATA's Yellow Line train, everyone.
September 14, 2025 at 1:09 PM
zofiawarwick.bsky.social
And now for the second part! When a haunting leads to another possession, revelations of a curse, art appreciation, and a cringeworthy business pitch among other things.

Much like Brayan's cumbia about fighting and eating a dinosaur, it features a song! A folk song.

books2read.com/b/mK5Rgd
This portrait of a colonial era infantryman makes a lot more sense in context. His coat being red doesn't, since he's an American, but then there's a whole plot point about stealing clothes so maybe, in a roundabout way, it does.
September 14, 2025 at 1:04 PM
zofiawarwick.bsky.social
books2read.com/b/baxZea

This book is the shuffling off point for the mc and his misfit skeleton crew of filmmakers. Outside of a brief part taking place in Seattle, the rest of the book takes place in Albuquerque--and how.
Originally had Scooby Doo themed covers but decided each book kind of needed its own interpretive Canva dance, so this one of Wynn's hand holding a lens cap with a ghostie on it was devised. You have to sift through a lot of stock photography to find something that fits the bill though.
September 14, 2025 at 12:57 PM
zofiawarwick.bsky.social
Wait, guys: you mean to say your desk doesn't look like this year-round?
Sedlec Ossuary's Tesla Coils of great necromantic power and sweetiepie skull garlands, courtesy of The Culture Map blog.
September 7, 2025 at 10:51 PM
zofiawarwick.bsky.social
A character expresses dismay at the dawning realization that they're in the plot of a horror story, where something that should be dead keeps coming back.
September 2, 2025 at 10:38 PM
zofiawarwick.bsky.social
Not sure if I've made a post on here waxing about how awesome El Zinco in Mexico City is, but I'm in a nostalgic mood. For the uninitiated, this is a jazz bar located in the cellar of an art deco bank. Of dreamlike places, this one remains liminal, if only because of memory. zincojazz.com
When you enter the basement there used to be a cloying smell of blackcurrant cigarettes and a richer scent of tobacco smoke. They were still doing smoking sections--not sure these days. The drapery is always nice, the lights are very lush and appealing. It had been only open for four or five years when I first went, and my first neat whiskey, too.
August 18, 2025 at 10:40 PM