maybe my most lukewarm take is that toll roads should be free on state-recognized holidays

this time of year makes it clear who's a rum-pa-pum-pum and who's a pat-a-pat-a-pan

mcdonalds should have soup

remember during the Great Panini when they said dolphins were returning to Venice? yeah, anyway, some guy jumped in the Bricktown Canal, and those things are the same to me. #okc

wait this is important pls @drawfeeshow.com dont let anyone else press like on my comment

every time someone says #newpope 's name i think this and so I made it a PNG #habemuspapam #gottacatchemall

if #newpope made malört part of the eucharist, i'd believe in god again

what do you think #newpope puts on his hot dog

"no homo."
-judas iscariot

"if you wanna eat, lemme wash those feet!"
-jesus "the messiah" christ

i LOVE a 2-poop day but a 3-poop day is just a waste of time

remember how eggs used to be so cheap that once a year we would hide them around the house and yard and sometimes even find them rotting two weeks later

sorry I ended up not hungry for dinner. I filled up on foot skin.

lots of Oklahomans are sooo sure that gender is binary, but try asking them whether they're southern or midwestern and suddenly they understand the nuance of identity

i got that nog in me

Now that bluezky is heating up i gotta get back on my ish. For now enjoy this rerun

men would rather tweet "men would rather" tweets than would men tw ee t r a ť fgh ə r rr

g̴̛͍̳͆͂̇̊̔ė̷͙̭̰̜͛́̓ņ̸̙̠͎̹͍̐̆̊̀̊͘d̵̢̺͔͙̞̖̜͑̆̀͋̃̓̓͝͝e̸̢̢̡̮̘̺̎̐͋̒̋͜ͅř̴͖͓̫̰͉͙̤̱̻̄͒͐̉͐̾͠ ̶̛͙̠̲̂͒͘ạ̵͗̀̈̏̀̔͋̆͒͠n̶͕͇̉̆̈́d̴̥͇̦͍̹̄͆̾ͅ

c̸̨̧͙̼͔͊͒̋͐̊̚͠͠͝o̴̘̟̜̮̯̯̿̊̆͐͋m̶̢͚̺̪̆̓͑̏͌ȩ̶̧̢̤͎̪̹̟͋̏̇̔ḑ̴̡̪̱̜̆̽͝y̴͔̠̫̻̜̖̬͌̿̈́̕

ḑ̷͎͓̖̬̄̈́͆́̔̑͝͝ỡ̸͕͕̼͈̀̅̍́͋̇͝n̴͍̥͍͉̲͕̽͊ͅ'̷͈̩̫̥̣̠͛̆̏͂͌̃͐́͜͜͜t̴̼̜̯͔̣̯̮͓̿̀̍ ̵̛̠̺͇͈̩͌̿̊͝͝͝͠e̷̡̨̲͓͚̦͛̂͑̒x̴̡̲͕̯̽͂̌̄̿ī̵̧͍͈̻̭̮͈͙̜̮̽s̵̥̻͖͎̯͕̪̯̎̂̑̈̇͋͜͠ṭ̸̹̹̩͎̥̈́̒̒̇̕͜

į̴̛̪͙̬̥̤̯̬͋̄̑͊ͅn̵̯͓̎̅̒̀̾̎́́͠ ̵̧̛̈͝ͅṫ̷͔̯̪̣̪̩͙̲͋͜h̴̨̙̞̥̹̘͉͊͒e̷̥͉̿̀͆̐̾͑̿ ̷̰̪̹̋͜p̸̨̡̢̛̯̻͕̾̾̓̐͑͊͠h̶̡̺͉̝̜̳͇̰͊̒̆̓͗͝ÿ̶̢̰̲͔́̆̌̆s̶̼̗̠̪̜̻̽̊͘ͅi̸͍̟̩͑̎̀͘c̶̪͇̙͍̟̈̾a̶̛̘̱̤̰͕̫̤̓͠l̷̨̻̘̯̭̫͓̬̪̳̓̃͠ ̸̘͇͍̟̤̦̻̗̒̀͐͒̋̈́̽͊̔͝r̸̛̦̕ḙ̶̙̹̣̬̈́̑̉̀̈ä̷̩͚̣̜̝͚͕͇́͐͝l̵̨͓̙̺̙͎͍̞͕͓̀͂̄͌̽͒͋͊̉͝m̷͍̦͒̌̓́͝ͅ

I imagine it's named something stupid like iSlay or Stak'd.

Gen Z Buffy the Vampire Slayer would probably say something like: big bad? More like mid bad. Stake 'em! Poggers!

One of those self-defense cat keychains, but it's Bart simpson

you think johnny cash would approve of truck nuts or nah

no one tell me if this already exists but there should really be an improv troupe called The Yes Andersons

mamas don't let your babies grow up to be shit lords

when zooey deschanel marries one of the property brothers does that make her a property sister-in-law?

old boy is not the ip man prequel? missed opportunity