Oh, fuck.

Sure, negotiating peace in the Middle East is tough, but have you ever had to talk down a 5yo from lashing his breakfast over the floor because a single Cheerio fell out of the bowl?

when you're cracking an egg, you mustn't let yourself become paralyzed by the fear that this one is gonna have something else inside. it's basically always your standard egg stuff. yolk. the other part. BUT you can't totally let your guard down either

You know you're getting old when your dreams include a Supermarket Sweep-esque run through a huge B&Q.

Bloody typical that my step-nan had to wait 4 weeks for her funeral, but the pope gets his in less than 1.

What, no shortage of priests in The Vatican?! #popefuneral

Asked my 5yo son if he had any worries tonight.

"I'm worried about brushing my teeth"

Why?

"Because the toothpaste is too spicy and I don't like it."

There's only one constant in this world: Food you buy makes you feel happier than food you make.

Wait! No birthday balloons on BlueSky!? 40s ruined before the begun! #ElonWasRight

Introduce yourself with four footballers

My son really is mine:

"Dad! Look! Even the solar panels have snow on them!
...
Snowlar panels!"

#PrinceOfPuns #snow