Bipolar Boy Detective
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wittiestmanalive.bsky.social
Bipolar Boy Detective
@wittiestmanalive.bsky.social
Meaningful insights from an absurd, petty human being. The Internet's preeminent anti-horse activist.
He/Him.
It didn’t help that the daycare woman’s terrible children were all there, refusing to let me play with any toys because I wasn’t going to ascend to heaven in the Rapture like them

My parents wondered why I’d come home like
November 9, 2025 at 3:06 PM
November 9, 2025 at 12:58 AM
hey guys are you sure about this title?

you’re really sure about that? really tho?

like, for sure for sure?
November 8, 2025 at 9:12 PM
Calling it now: this is how they’re gonna try to uncancel Whedon
November 6, 2025 at 1:27 PM
election season is over

now comes the Nog Season
November 5, 2025 at 6:00 PM
You got something to say bro
November 3, 2025 at 7:21 PM
For you, the day Dunkin graced your village was the most important day of your life.

For Dunkin, it was Tuesday.
October 24, 2025 at 2:29 PM
we’ll always remember the good times
September 11, 2025 at 9:03 PM
Buddy I am like single-handedly keeping New York theaters in the black here
August 31, 2025 at 6:15 PM
I’m so sorry. The same condition just took away my poor Fellini this past winter. It’s horrible and unfair.

All I can say is use every moment with Sandwiches to cherish the time you have.
August 21, 2025 at 5:44 PM
I like to use this for every A24 movie
August 21, 2025 at 6:47 AM
this fuckin guy isn't even trying anymore huh
August 15, 2025 at 3:48 AM
Everyone in the Bari Weiss Grifterverse puts on this performative facade, wholly fabricated from watching Disney Channel alone and having no friends. Now that they're pretend reporters on a fake news blog, they all want to be Regina Georges. They're really just shitty Dawn Wieners.
July 26, 2025 at 3:29 PM
July 24, 2025 at 10:27 PM
July 24, 2025 at 7:24 PM
July 24, 2025 at 5:27 PM
this is when i post from
July 21, 2025 at 9:20 PM
this is where i post from
July 21, 2025 at 9:15 PM
at this rate, by 2035 all traffic collisions and vehicular noise complaints will be caused solely by the NYPD and their children's Acuras.
July 6, 2025 at 7:56 PM
CONFIRMED: this shit hits hard if you’re dumb as fuck
June 25, 2025 at 10:40 PM
Dennis Nedry has endorsed Andrew M. Cuomo for New York City Mayor
June 24, 2025 at 11:13 PM
Give him a minute, son. Bruce Springsteen needs to think about his entire life before he buys a new Chevy Camaro.
June 21, 2025 at 12:22 AM
“what if I did Jim Gaffigan’s ‘Tostada’ bit but made it whiny, miserable and not even compelling to other racists”
June 11, 2025 at 8:31 PM
yer man @primarycinema.bsky.social when disney shut down Muppet*Vision 3D
April 28, 2025 at 11:21 PM
me when my ex "borrowed" my best sweater and scarf and dumped me two days later
April 28, 2025 at 9:56 PM