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willbefunorelse.bsky.social
Alaina Patterson
@willbefunorelse.bsky.social
70 followers 37 following 630 posts
Geriatric millenial, bird app survivor, and Cat Donaghy's mom.
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willbefunorelse.bsky.social
If I wasn't already ten toes down for The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, this lede would've done it.
By Monica Hesse (from her article discussing season 3 of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives) In 1827, a farm boy from rural New York named Joseph Smith claimed to have dug up some golden plates inscribed with an ancient text, which he then translated into English, which he then published as a tome called the Book of Mormon, which then became a religion, and two centuries passed, and because of all this we may now listen to a group of beachy-waved ding-dongs on television explain that their faith prohibits them from drinking alcohol, which is why they instead do ketamine.
November 15, 2025 at 6:54 PM
willbefunorelse.bsky.social
This is where I post from, if you even care
A screenshot of a Ticketmaster queue image: A timeline at the top reads THE LOBBY -- WAITING ROOM -- QUEUE -- PICK YOUR SEATS The dots through QUEUE are filled in. YOU ARE NOW IN THE QUEUE 162806 PEOPLE AHEAD OF YOU
November 15, 2025 at 1:11 AM
willbefunorelse.bsky.social
Northern Lights (and Orion's Belt) from Auburn Maine
#northernlights #auroraborealis
Green and dark reddish aurora boreal northern lights above a leaf-free tree Green and pinker aurora boreal northern lights above a power line and some leaf-less trees. There is a very bright star (maybe a planet? I dunno) in the lower right quadrant of the photo. More green aurora borealis with a cloud in the lower left quadrant and a tree in the lower right Pink aurora borealis above a tree-lined. In the center of the picture and the borealis are a cluster of stars, including the three that make up the constellation of Orion's Belt.
November 12, 2025 at 4:12 AM
willbefunorelse.bsky.social
Wait. Fuck, i missed that they're actually calling themselves the Problem Solvers Caucus?

THIS Problem Solvers Caucus??
A meme from 30 Rock. In the top half, Jenna, a white blonde woman, is wearing a light blue shirt with "SOLVERS" across the chest. Next to her, Tracy, a Black man, is wearing a light blue shirt with "THE PROBLEM" across the chest. Jenna says to Tracy, "Our t-shirts are wrong! Do you wanna switch where we're standing or switch our t-shirts?" Tracy replies, "Just to be safe, let's do both." The bottom half of the meme shows Tracy and Jenna standing together. They have switched positions and shirts, so their shirts now read, "SOLVERS" and "THE PROBLEM." Tracy's shirt is also a belly shirt now.
November 6, 2025 at 9:39 PM
willbefunorelse.bsky.social
QUIT

(The last text was "and also fuck all the way off)

(Both texts were attempts to unsubscribe from a Democratic text chain.)
Picture of a blood-spattered room. The caption reads, "Caption this with the 2nd to last text you sent"
October 26, 2025 at 10:34 PM
willbefunorelse.bsky.social
To wit:

My "necklace cabinet with Command Hooks" project morphed into "make my own pegboard and paste this paint-by-number kit of Girl With a Pearl Earring onto the pegboard so it's *Really* a Jewelry Cabinet" project.
An in-progress paint-by-number kit of Vermeer's "Girl With a Pearl Earring" is on an easel, which itself is resting on a cardboard box. Game 2 of the World Series is on the TV behind the paint-by-number. The "artist" has completed one coat of the background; no part of the Girl is painted.
October 26, 2025 at 12:53 AM
willbefunorelse.bsky.social
I'm pro-union, anti-fascist, and pro-cannablism strictly and specifically for the rich and the rude. Go Birds, Fuck Ice, Free Palestine.

And, I'm a candidate you can have a beer with!
October 23, 2025 at 12:05 AM
willbefunorelse.bsky.social
I can see not knowing what the image was when you're a drunk 23-yr-old and thinking maaaybe it's a Croatian Jolly Roger.

But the guy had nearly two decades to learn what he really had tatted. And it's not until *now* that you *say* you're gonna remove it?

Fuck alllll the way off. 🖕
A screenshot of a headline from this morning's Portland (ME) Press Herald (newspaper). Underneath tags for the story (Elections, Local & State, Nation & World, News, Politics), the headline reads: Graham Platner says he will remove a Nazi-linked tattoo. Bernie is standing by him. "The Democratic candidate for U.S. Senate said he didn't know the meaning of the skull tattoo, which he got in 2007 while on leave in Croatia during his time in the Marines."
October 22, 2025 at 10:58 AM
willbefunorelse.bsky.social
Literally just got an email from No Doubt that they're doing a limited engagement at the Sphere and I am 85% sure I'm gonna try and go to that
Screenshot of an email. Subject line: NO DOUBT LIVE AT SPHERE 🍊👑 A banner of the band members of No Doubt, with six dates in May where the band will be performing NO DOUBT LIVE AT SPHERE Remain seated, please. Permanecer sentados, por favor. Welcome to the Vegas skyline. 🍊👑 We are pleased to announce our limited engagement run, No Doubt Live at Sphere Las Vegas, May Pre-sale begins Wednesday, October 15th at 10am PT. Ticket and hotel packages on sale today, October 10 at 12pm PT.
October 10, 2025 at 1:01 PM
willbefunorelse.bsky.social
My Holy Trinity.
Three stuffed shoulder dolls (dolls with magnets in what would be their butts if they were real, to wear on your shoulder like a parrot, I guess) are seated on a metal pellet stove. (L) Kronk's Shoulder Devil (C) Gritty, the Philly Flyers Mascot (R) Kronk's Shoulder Angel
September 16, 2025 at 1:01 AM
willbefunorelse.bsky.social
This evening, I feel Calamity Jane's words into my very bones.
A white woman dressed in trousers, a blouse and a vest with a hat with a feather in it is leaning against a wall or a door with her arms crossed. The text (her dialogue) reads, "Every day takes figuring out all over again how to fucking live."
August 26, 2025 at 12:08 AM
willbefunorelse.bsky.social
A photo you took that brings you inner peace.

A shot of the Atlantic at Fort Popham, taken last September. I was listening to Incubus's "Wish You Were Here."
Bright blue Atlantic ocean ripples up to a sandy beach. It's kind of cove-shaped. Gray rocks and some wooden timbers are in the front/bottom border. A seaside cottage is at the far end of the cove. Three people are walking towards the cottage. The quiet waves sparkle in the sunlight.
August 20, 2025 at 1:58 PM
willbefunorelse.bsky.social
Post your lockscreen!
A screenshot of my lockscreen - 2/3 of the face of a black and white cat with a hazel eye and a pink nose is in frame. The timestamp is 8:20 on Sat, July 26.
July 27, 2025 at 12:22 AM
willbefunorelse.bsky.social
Young the Giant at Fenway (with a point of reference in the background).

Hearing "Silvertongue" live is healing me slightly.
Center field of Fenway Park where Young The Giant is playing on stage. Behind the New Balance screen, the Prudential Building (the aforementioned Point of Reference) sits off to the right.
July 17, 2025 at 11:38 PM
willbefunorelse.bsky.social
The flag of Strongbadia, population tire
A flag - three stripes, brown at the bottom, white in the middle, red at the top. The border between the red and white is jagged. Over the stripes, a green snake is draped through a rubber tire. His mouth is open and his two fangs and tongue is out. The word "Snake" is tattooed on his body, and he is brandishing a scimitar-like sword in his tail.
July 11, 2025 at 2:29 PM
willbefunorelse.bsky.social
Posting w/alt text
A post from let my people glo [star emoji] @MichellCClark they made healthcare a commodity, education and debt trap, and housing a speculation market--then told you that poverty is a personal failing. they privatized survival and called it freedom.
July 11, 2025 at 2:24 PM
willbefunorelse.bsky.social
mainebeercompany.com/beer/lunch
An image of a bottle of Lunch, as Maine-brewed IPA. Lunch India Pale Ale ABV 7% Year round
July 10, 2025 at 2:08 PM
willbefunorelse.bsky.social
My dad painted this one and it's in my house!
A picture of an oil painting. In the painting, a young boy in overalls is walking on a paved road next to a field of yellow flowers. There are three yellow buildings and two red silos in the background, in front of a wall of pine trees. The sky is blue and cloud-filled. The boy leans off of the road to pick some of the flowers. The artist is my (willbefunorelse) dad.
July 7, 2025 at 2:43 PM
willbefunorelse.bsky.social
New neighbor alert! Skittish at first, but then way friendlier and less assholey than Vladimir. It lives up the street from Vladimir, but visits my house.
A gray and brown tabby cat with a stripey tail walks onto a rubber mat laying in a bed of grass.
June 27, 2025 at 12:17 AM
willbefunorelse.bsky.social
The chemtrails are telling me I can't leave my lawn half mowed.
The evening sky above some green trees. There are two airplane vapor trails running almost parallel to each other through the sky. A green lawn, half-mowed. The section closest to the picture taken has dandelion stalks ready to bloom. There is also a burst of pink in the foreground and a white bush in the midground. Those will not be mowed.
June 5, 2025 at 12:16 AM
willbefunorelse.bsky.social
All hail the Maine Gazetteer!

My dad gave me and my sister one when we got our licenses.
An image of the cover of The Maine Atlas and Gazetteer, published by DeLorme. It has a map of Maine on the cover.
June 4, 2025 at 6:28 PM
willbefunorelse.bsky.social
Guys, live music is great if you're into it
A picture of the stage at Thompson's Point, an outdoor concert venue in Portland Maine. The lights are blue. Vampire Weekend is playing.
May 30, 2025 at 1:43 AM
willbefunorelse.bsky.social
New "My Brain Is Bouncing Too Much And I Need It To Shut Up For An Hour" attempt at painting.

I do not yet know what I'm going to add to "Alaina-fy" it.
A picture of a painted canvas laying on some newspaper. It is a landscape, of two green trees framing a pink-to-dusky-blue sunset with gray clouds. It is not finished.
May 10, 2025 at 3:24 AM
willbefunorelse.bsky.social
Reposting for alt text.
A tweet from Sen. Lindsey Graham: I was excited to hear that President Trump is open to the idea of being the next Pope. This would truly be a dark horse candidate, but I would ask the papal conclave and Catholic faithful to keep an open mind about this possibility! The first Pope-U.S. President combination has many upsides. Watching for white smoke.... Trump MMXXVIII!
April 30, 2025 at 12:01 AM
willbefunorelse.bsky.social
In case anyone is wondering, "Hey, what happened to @ bigdamnherossir," she is under a temporary ban for ... making a suggestion that ... well...

Anyways 😂 she gave me permission to post this to my timeline in hopes our mutuals see it; she'll be back in 3 days.
A screenshot of an exchange of text messages between myself and Sarah Walsh (whose avatar in my phone is an image of Bette Davis from All About Eve). Me: Okay I was gonna Skeet at you that I finally finished season 3 of Hacks and we can talk about it now but you done deleted your account hahaha Me: So I finished ssn 3 of Hacks and I WOULD DIE FOR DEBORAH VANCE [Then there's a black box over a question that is not germane to this skeet] Sarah: I didn't delete! Sarah: I caught a three day Bluesky ban for saying that I was gonna make fun of Elon Musk until he [REDACTED] 😂 Me: BWAHAHAHAHA goddammit hahahahaha Me: oh my god i didn't even think Bluesky did bans! [Fin]
April 28, 2025 at 10:56 PM