My version:

Morning massage from my baby Primrose. She's so good to me.

I'm more bothered that it's apparently so popular that it's sold out than that it exists.

My baby Primrose loves her blankie time, but she only loves it if someone watches. She seriously won't do this without an audience. She will come yell at me to follow her upstairs so she can do this.

When you got a shared secret with the creepy doll you keep in your human skin bag. #shhh #donttellthemaboutthebedwetting