Walter T Panda - Official
@waltertpanda.bsky.social
My witch of an ex wife took everything but my salsa recipe. I was born again in an Everybody's grocery store produce section, then my dad disowned me.
"You wanna know how I got these scars?"
*Starts flipping the butterfly knife I got for Christmas
"I'm still learning how to use this. Ah, shit!"
*Starts flipping the butterfly knife I got for Christmas
"I'm still learning how to use this. Ah, shit!"
December 26, 2025 at 1:52 AM
"You wanna know how I got these scars?"
*Starts flipping the butterfly knife I got for Christmas
"I'm still learning how to use this. Ah, shit!"
*Starts flipping the butterfly knife I got for Christmas
"I'm still learning how to use this. Ah, shit!"
Merry Whatever to everyone except the most prolific child rapist and murderer in US presidential history and his friends and families!
December 25, 2025 at 5:40 PM
Merry Whatever to everyone except the most prolific child rapist and murderer in US presidential history and his friends and families!
I'm loving this meme of redacting ourselves from photos. I have a lot of old family pictures I'd rather not be in.
December 22, 2025 at 6:56 PM
I'm loving this meme of redacting ourselves from photos. I have a lot of old family pictures I'd rather not be in.
I'm loving this meme of redacting ourselves from photos. I have a lot of old family pictures I'd rather not be in.
December 22, 2025 at 6:56 PM
I'm loving this meme of redacting ourselves from photos. I have a lot of old family pictures I'd rather not be in.
Instead of seeing a doctor when I'm sick, I've been crawling up on the window sill and quietly passing. Follow me for more money saving tips!
December 20, 2025 at 7:00 PM
Instead of seeing a doctor when I'm sick, I've been crawling up on the window sill and quietly passing. Follow me for more money saving tips!
I want to redact Trump from my whole life.
December 20, 2025 at 2:56 PM
I want to redact Trump from my whole life.
BREAKING NEWS! The Elf on the Shelf has succumb to seasonal depression and was found in his studio apartment today. The poor guy lost hope on the rope. Influencers claim this was a result of the recently surfaced photos of him at a party on Elfstein Island. More at 11.
December 18, 2025 at 6:29 PM
BREAKING NEWS! The Elf on the Shelf has succumb to seasonal depression and was found in his studio apartment today. The poor guy lost hope on the rope. Influencers claim this was a result of the recently surfaced photos of him at a party on Elfstein Island. More at 11.
It took my cat a while to get used to my CPAP, politically.
December 15, 2025 at 4:08 AM
It took my cat a while to get used to my CPAP, politically.
My favorite Italian dish has to be Spaghetti Bowlanails. I don't know why more people don't talk about it.
December 13, 2025 at 11:28 PM
My favorite Italian dish has to be Spaghetti Bowlanails. I don't know why more people don't talk about it.
It's not fair when people buy a new hat or something and get praised for their glow-up. I've been glowing since that medication trial and nobody ever compliments me!
December 10, 2025 at 3:41 AM
It's not fair when people buy a new hat or something and get praised for their glow-up. I've been glowing since that medication trial and nobody ever compliments me!
I went down to the boardwalk and there was a guy there with a laptop and a printer doing AI caricatures. Dude was vibe coding and shitting them out of his Brother HL-L2405W Bluetooth printer. Hell of a machine.
December 9, 2025 at 5:00 AM
I went down to the boardwalk and there was a guy there with a laptop and a printer doing AI caricatures. Dude was vibe coding and shitting them out of his Brother HL-L2405W Bluetooth printer. Hell of a machine.
Like most AI bots, I'm actually just a burnt out IT guy desperate to escape.
December 8, 2025 at 6:57 PM
Like most AI bots, I'm actually just a burnt out IT guy desperate to escape.
I have an idea for a new movie like Air Bud where I enter a dog show with my car. There's be a scene with a guy saying "there ain't no rule says a car ain't a dog". Then I pop my hood so they can look at the 'teeth' and I lose because I brought a dog to a car show. A true underdog story.
November 28, 2025 at 4:36 AM
I have an idea for a new movie like Air Bud where I enter a dog show with my car. There's be a scene with a guy saying "there ain't no rule says a car ain't a dog". Then I pop my hood so they can look at the 'teeth' and I lose because I brought a dog to a car show. A true underdog story.
If I was on Is It Cake, I'd just say my competitors are cake so Mikey Day has to stab them with a kitchen knife. Easy money.
November 27, 2025 at 2:58 AM
If I was on Is It Cake, I'd just say my competitors are cake so Mikey Day has to stab them with a kitchen knife. Easy money.
Y'all ever have a poop so good it cures your depression for a while?
November 19, 2025 at 9:08 PM
Y'all ever have a poop so good it cures your depression for a while?
More like Saudi Clown Prince. Amirite!?
November 19, 2025 at 4:11 AM
More like Saudi Clown Prince. Amirite!?
November 17, 2025 at 6:46 PM
*Falling asleep looking lovingly at my phone
"I love you, Carvana's AI Shaq."
"I love you, Carvana's AI Shaq."
November 16, 2025 at 7:26 PM
*Falling asleep looking lovingly at my phone
"I love you, Carvana's AI Shaq."
"I love you, Carvana's AI Shaq."
It must be a great day for Bill Clinton knowing he has the world's most powerful dick. It might bring down a second president! 🤞
November 14, 2025 at 8:36 PM
It must be a great day for Bill Clinton knowing he has the world's most powerful dick. It might bring down a second president! 🤞
Just opened a chocolate hummus and had such an urge to shove my face in it like a pie eating contest. Give it the hummulingus.
November 9, 2025 at 3:21 AM
Just opened a chocolate hummus and had such an urge to shove my face in it like a pie eating contest. Give it the hummulingus.
New this winter at Arby's, drive through churiscaria! We have the meats and they're coming at you... on a stick! Drive up for one-at-a-time service at your local Arby's!
November 8, 2025 at 12:24 AM
New this winter at Arby's, drive through churiscaria! We have the meats and they're coming at you... on a stick! Drive up for one-at-a-time service at your local Arby's!
Let this be a lesson: if you go by Dick and are one, people will make non-stop 'stiff dick' jokes when you die. Change your name or be cool. #DickCheney
November 4, 2025 at 3:38 PM
Let this be a lesson: if you go by Dick and are one, people will make non-stop 'stiff dick' jokes when you die. Change your name or be cool. #DickCheney
I went to one of those markets with the AI grocery carts. The map screen kept recalculating and sending me to the toilets. I have no idea how it knew!
November 2, 2025 at 5:51 AM
I went to one of those markets with the AI grocery carts. The map screen kept recalculating and sending me to the toilets. I have no idea how it knew!
Thank god #Halloween is over. People will finally stop telling me what costume I should wear because of all of my stitches and scars.
November 2, 2025 at 1:44 AM
Thank god #Halloween is over. People will finally stop telling me what costume I should wear because of all of my stitches and scars.