Pinned
imagine the kind of person you'd have to be to ride a cat. motivated, yet patient. intuitive. strong. no more than eight inches tall.
i never played that game "where in the world is carmen sandiego?" because the answer's right there. san diego.
November 9, 2025 at 2:01 PM
i never played that game "where in the world is carmen sandiego?" because the answer's right there. san diego.
me: i feel like i'm always working but i can never get ahead
my cannibal friend: i know exactly what you mean
thanks
my cannibal friend: i know exactly what you mean
thanks
November 7, 2025 at 8:30 PM
me: i feel like i'm always working but i can never get ahead
my cannibal friend: i know exactly what you mean
thanks
my cannibal friend: i know exactly what you mean
thanks
"what do i miss most about being young? having hair!" i chuckle, running my hand over the top of my head as i stare wistfully into the empty "hairhouse", my formerly well-stocked warehouse of hair, taking up most of my property
November 5, 2025 at 7:08 PM
"what do i miss most about being young? having hair!" i chuckle, running my hand over the top of my head as i stare wistfully into the empty "hairhouse", my formerly well-stocked warehouse of hair, taking up most of my property
me: when i was five years old i wanted to grow up to be a sponge. life with its many miseries has disabused me of this innocent dream, but i still reflect on it from time to time.
waiter: so you don't want a refill?
waiter: so you don't want a refill?
November 4, 2025 at 7:36 PM
me: when i was five years old i wanted to grow up to be a sponge. life with its many miseries has disabused me of this innocent dream, but i still reflect on it from time to time.
waiter: so you don't want a refill?
waiter: so you don't want a refill?
Reposted by walruslifestyle
Back in the 90s everyone in the house shared one telephone that was attached to the wall. You could rent VHS tapes from a shop and if you didn't return them in time the worms would get you. You could smoke in restaurants and if you didn't smoke the worms would get you.
October 27, 2025 at 12:06 PM
Back in the 90s everyone in the house shared one telephone that was attached to the wall. You could rent VHS tapes from a shop and if you didn't return them in time the worms would get you. You could smoke in restaurants and if you didn't smoke the worms would get you.
Reposted by walruslifestyle
That’s why I only post top tier indispensable content that improves the life of everyone who reads it
October 21, 2025 at 8:32 PM
That’s why I only post top tier indispensable content that improves the life of everyone who reads it
Reposted by walruslifestyle
the headless horseman just shoveling mashed potatoes into his shirt collar at thanksgiving dinner
November 27, 2024 at 12:49 AM
the headless horseman just shoveling mashed potatoes into his shirt collar at thanksgiving dinner
pumpkin pie is an open-faced sandwich do not @ me
October 31, 2025 at 1:32 PM
pumpkin pie is an open-faced sandwich do not @ me
brb writing another banger about hammers
October 28, 2025 at 6:47 PM
brb writing another banger about hammers
an insect just flew into the window, bonked off, then sat back down in my rolly chair and resumed editing a spreadsheet
October 27, 2025 at 7:00 PM
an insect just flew into the window, bonked off, then sat back down in my rolly chair and resumed editing a spreadsheet
this squirrel has been barking at me continuously ever since i borrowed two acorns from its nest. seems like an overreaction, frankly
October 23, 2025 at 1:20 PM
this squirrel has been barking at me continuously ever since i borrowed two acorns from its nest. seems like an overreaction, frankly
they're called tabby cats because they open tons of browser tabs when they're on the internet
October 19, 2025 at 1:51 PM
they're called tabby cats because they open tons of browser tabs when they're on the internet
when i was at the pet store i saw a guinea pig that was so fluffy i dropped my cinnabon in a turtle habitat
October 15, 2025 at 4:14 PM
when i was at the pet store i saw a guinea pig that was so fluffy i dropped my cinnabon in a turtle habitat
me: i always wear a viking helmet when i vike around
funeral director: for the last time please leave
funeral director: for the last time please leave
October 3, 2025 at 12:30 AM
me: i always wear a viking helmet when i vike around
funeral director: for the last time please leave
funeral director: for the last time please leave
hi, my name is peter peterson, son of peter peterson, grandson of peter peterson. and this is my son, peter peterson
October 2, 2025 at 1:59 PM
hi, my name is peter peterson, son of peter peterson, grandson of peter peterson. and this is my son, peter peterson
"just let people enjoy things!" i scream as they engage the winch to pull me out of the tar pit
October 1, 2025 at 11:08 PM
"just let people enjoy things!" i scream as they engage the winch to pull me out of the tar pit
using context clues to help understand what my neighbor meant when they said "get out and don't come in here again" to me when i was trying to nap in their shed
October 1, 2025 at 12:55 AM
using context clues to help understand what my neighbor meant when they said "get out and don't come in here again" to me when i was trying to nap in their shed
Reposted by walruslifestyle
Be kind - Everyone is fighting a gorilla you can't see
September 30, 2025 at 4:53 PM
Be kind - Everyone is fighting a gorilla you can't see
me, licking a salt lick furiously: jesus christ
September 30, 2025 at 12:04 AM
me, licking a salt lick furiously: jesus christ
six word stories dot net
September 29, 2025 at 4:41 PM
six word stories dot net
if you throw a boomerang straight up in the air it'll eventually hit you in the back of the head two days ago
September 28, 2025 at 1:28 AM
if you throw a boomerang straight up in the air it'll eventually hit you in the back of the head two days ago
i got kicked out of flight school for landing flat on my beak every time i jumped off the lunch perch
September 26, 2025 at 8:12 PM
i got kicked out of flight school for landing flat on my beak every time i jumped off the lunch perch
we should call regular sentences "bad libs" because all the blanks are already filled in
September 26, 2025 at 1:41 PM
we should call regular sentences "bad libs" because all the blanks are already filled in
one time i threw a frisbee so hard it slammed into the ground in front of me and i pulled a muscle in my cheek
September 26, 2025 at 12:09 AM
one time i threw a frisbee so hard it slammed into the ground in front of me and i pulled a muscle in my cheek