Pinned
the headless horseman just shoveling mashed potatoes into his shirt collar at thanksgiving dinner
"making an about face"? isn't that instagram?
December 6, 2025 at 8:53 PM
"making an about face"? isn't that instagram?
brainwashing sounds like it would feel really good
December 4, 2025 at 2:38 PM
brainwashing sounds like it would feel really good
"it's stew season!" i happily declare, still mad at you about that thing you said three years ago
November 29, 2025 at 6:56 PM
"it's stew season!" i happily declare, still mad at you about that thing you said three years ago
whew, just finished arming the potato cannons for dinner
November 27, 2025 at 3:56 PM
whew, just finished arming the potato cannons for dinner
the headless horseman just shoveling mashed potatoes into his shirt collar at thanksgiving dinner
November 26, 2025 at 7:58 PM
whenever i'm craving a light and healthy snack i head to the kitchen and eat my refrigerator
November 24, 2025 at 8:22 PM
whenever i'm craving a light and healthy snack i head to the kitchen and eat my refrigerator
let's make one thing clear. this glass of water why is there so much dirt in it
November 22, 2025 at 9:19 PM
let's make one thing clear. this glass of water why is there so much dirt in it
"i couldn't agree more" he said, agreeing more
November 19, 2025 at 5:04 PM
"i couldn't agree more" he said, agreeing more
spaceships should wear a jaunty little propeller hat that spins when they take off or when one of the astronauts does a space walk
November 16, 2025 at 2:44 PM
spaceships should wear a jaunty little propeller hat that spins when they take off or when one of the astronauts does a space walk
we need a very large duck in here now
November 16, 2025 at 3:36 AM
we need a very large duck in here now
me: why are you threatening me
my throw pillow: family is forever
my throw pillow: family is forever
November 16, 2025 at 12:51 AM
me: why are you threatening me
my throw pillow: family is forever
my throw pillow: family is forever
i never played that game "where in the world is carmen sandiego?" because the answer's right there. san diego.
November 9, 2025 at 2:01 PM
i never played that game "where in the world is carmen sandiego?" because the answer's right there. san diego.
me: i feel like i'm always working but i can never get ahead
my cannibal friend: i know exactly what you mean
thanks
my cannibal friend: i know exactly what you mean
thanks
November 7, 2025 at 8:30 PM
me: i feel like i'm always working but i can never get ahead
my cannibal friend: i know exactly what you mean
thanks
my cannibal friend: i know exactly what you mean
thanks
"what do i miss most about being young? having hair!" i chuckle, running my hand over the top of my head as i stare wistfully into the empty "hairhouse", my formerly well-stocked warehouse of hair, taking up most of my property
November 5, 2025 at 7:08 PM
"what do i miss most about being young? having hair!" i chuckle, running my hand over the top of my head as i stare wistfully into the empty "hairhouse", my formerly well-stocked warehouse of hair, taking up most of my property
me: when i was five years old i wanted to grow up to be a sponge. life with its many miseries has disabused me of this innocent dream, but i still reflect on it from time to time.
waiter: so you don't want a refill?
waiter: so you don't want a refill?
November 4, 2025 at 7:36 PM
me: when i was five years old i wanted to grow up to be a sponge. life with its many miseries has disabused me of this innocent dream, but i still reflect on it from time to time.
waiter: so you don't want a refill?
waiter: so you don't want a refill?
Reposted by walruslifestyle
Back in the 90s everyone in the house shared one telephone that was attached to the wall. You could rent VHS tapes from a shop and if you didn't return them in time the worms would get you. You could smoke in restaurants and if you didn't smoke the worms would get you.
October 27, 2025 at 12:06 PM
Back in the 90s everyone in the house shared one telephone that was attached to the wall. You could rent VHS tapes from a shop and if you didn't return them in time the worms would get you. You could smoke in restaurants and if you didn't smoke the worms would get you.
Reposted by walruslifestyle
That’s why I only post top tier indispensable content that improves the life of everyone who reads it
October 21, 2025 at 8:32 PM
That’s why I only post top tier indispensable content that improves the life of everyone who reads it
pumpkin pie is an open-faced sandwich do not @ me
October 31, 2025 at 1:32 PM
pumpkin pie is an open-faced sandwich do not @ me
brb writing another banger about hammers
October 28, 2025 at 6:47 PM
brb writing another banger about hammers
an insect just flew into the window, bonked off, then sat back down in my rolly chair and resumed editing a spreadsheet
October 27, 2025 at 7:00 PM
an insect just flew into the window, bonked off, then sat back down in my rolly chair and resumed editing a spreadsheet
this squirrel has been barking at me continuously ever since i borrowed two acorns from its nest. seems like an overreaction, frankly
October 23, 2025 at 1:20 PM
this squirrel has been barking at me continuously ever since i borrowed two acorns from its nest. seems like an overreaction, frankly
they're called tabby cats because they open tons of browser tabs when they're on the internet
October 19, 2025 at 1:51 PM
they're called tabby cats because they open tons of browser tabs when they're on the internet
when i was at the pet store i saw a guinea pig that was so fluffy i dropped my cinnabon in a turtle habitat
October 15, 2025 at 4:14 PM
when i was at the pet store i saw a guinea pig that was so fluffy i dropped my cinnabon in a turtle habitat
me: i always wear a viking helmet when i vike around
funeral director: for the last time please leave
funeral director: for the last time please leave
October 3, 2025 at 12:30 AM
me: i always wear a viking helmet when i vike around
funeral director: for the last time please leave
funeral director: for the last time please leave
hi, my name is peter peterson, son of peter peterson, grandson of peter peterson. and this is my son, peter peterson
October 2, 2025 at 1:59 PM
hi, my name is peter peterson, son of peter peterson, grandson of peter peterson. and this is my son, peter peterson