“You attract more flies with honey” yeah and you attract the MOST flies with poop. Fly acquisition: a horrible metric for greatness

4 minutes after buying Dippin Dots and it melted back into what looks like normally-priced ice cream, I’m like:

If you’re willing to spend enough on lighting, you can feel like you’re lonely at the *bar* at *home* at *any time* 🪩🍾 #lifehacks

And I still can’t fucking afford eggs

Bro I picked a really anxiety-inducing time to replace facebook with reddit. Jfc it’s wayyy scarier than I remembered

Current vibe in America:

We’re living in weird and dark times that historians will obsess over and we’re mainly talking about eggs.

I’m not saying I’m 100% in the throes of a justice fixation rn, but I am admitting that I got disproportionately bothered by this charcoal ad calling two reasons “a reason”

I keep trying to truly enjoy it here, but I’d honestly rather be doomscrolling reddit. I actually miss facebook 😳🙄📉😔 Without familiar faces sharing curated memes, this feels more like an echo of my experiences on twitter. It simply does not provide The Severe Dopamine 😔

I have phantom facebook syndrome, bad. I keep going to tap where that icon used to be and remembering that, as we descend swiftly towards fascism, I can no longer have easy access to the times and locations of upcoming dive bar/basement concerts. I haven’t seen an Arby’s ad in days. Tell my story 🚬🥺

The photo editing app that I’ve used for years keeps moving features behind paywalls, so I, (too lazy to look for an equally good but free alternative,) am just making worse looking memes. Thanks, PicsArt 🤷🏻‍♂️❤️

My horny ass could not have her clean my apartment

Mark Zuckerberg when someone calls someone else a slur: