MY GRAMMA ALWAYS SAID “IF ITS GOT EARS, THEN ITS ALSO GOT EYES. OTHERWISE, ITS PROBABLY CORN”

ALEXA YOU HAVE WIFE EYES WHATS WRONG?

Update: I checked my Facebook on chrome and I’m not really missing anything. I guess I just miss comfortable social interactions and conflated the concept with a pretty shitty app. Conditioning, amirite? 💀

ALEXA GO PICK UP MY MEDICINE FROM KROGERS THANK YOU

😔😔😔

It doesn’t take a telescope to see that 😔

Those are actually 100% unused and meant as complimentary gifts to their customers, but no one ever takes ‘em. That’s what the guy in the parking lot told me when I asked. Well, he just nodded… but that means “yes,” right?

Me in a social setting (I’m both characters):

It’s genuinely sad how desperately he wants us all to talk/think about him, and how successful he’s been so far.

I knew they called chips “crisps” over there, but I didn’t know that they called chunks of coal “pudding”