Vlad the Impala
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vlad-the-impala.bsky.social
Vlad the Impala
@vlad-the-impala.bsky.social
610 followers 930 following 1.9K posts
🇺🇲🇬🇧 Nevadan idiot
I was vlad.the.impala on Threads
I'm married to @foofertheimpala
(i hide things in alt texts that no one reads)
Posts Replies Media Videos
vlad-the-impala.bsky.social
Happy No-Kings Caturday
Innocent cute little kitty So happy and quiet and pretty But this poor gentle cat Is about to go "splat" And be spread across most of the city
October 18, 2025 at 4:33 AM
vlad-the-impala.bsky.social
"It's very pooey, Alex!"
Sara Pascoe
Taskmaster season 3
I must tell you folks that Taskmaster's a hit Famous comedians in a field full of shit Rolling and crawling in a hopeless endeavor I recommend this show as it's silly and clever
October 2, 2025 at 4:10 PM
vlad-the-impala.bsky.social
It's no use you sitting there cursing
It's high time you started reversing
This road's narrow and twisty
Turning round is too risky
And so backwards's how you'll be traversing
#limerick

#vsspic
The other sign, it warned you You ignored it and drove past This sign right here will scorn you As for laughs, it has the last You drove into a dead end road And much to your surprise This mocking sign is here to goad And cut you down to size [A yellow diamond-shaped sign reading "IT SAID DEAD END STUPID"]
September 27, 2025 at 10:51 PM
vlad-the-impala.bsky.social
Looking at us
ꙅu ƚɒ ʞɔɒd ǫᴎiʞoo⅃
We wave
ʞɔɒd ɘvɒw ɘW
To kids it feels like magic

#vsspic
A mirror on a wooden pole Placed opposite your drive So, when you join the busy road You'll probably survive
September 26, 2025 at 3:38 PM
vlad-the-impala.bsky.social
I mean, come on, what's not to like?
Captain, Rat, Algy and Dave, AKA The Damned, looking dashing in New York in the late 70s
September 22, 2025 at 9:06 PM
vlad-the-impala.bsky.social
Here they are
Left to right: May Dup-Name, Fay Kname, Sue Denim, P. Uppet, Ima Yessman All look suspiciously like puppets
September 16, 2025 at 8:11 PM
vlad-the-impala.bsky.social
Final fading summer breeze
Autumn comes to call
Leaves are browning on the trees
Looking soon to fall
#acrostic

#vsspic
Frowny face upon a leaf Lying there in disbelief Photographed all brown and dead Pick a better pic instead?
September 14, 2025 at 11:21 PM
vlad-the-impala.bsky.social
Cannot stop grinning
So hard to contain my joy
𝚃𝙰𝚂𝙺𝙼𝙰𝚂𝚃𝙴𝚁 is back!

#haikufeels
The Taskmaster series 20 cast in an American Gothic setting. This new series starts tonight! If you're not in the UK, it will be on YouTube tomorrow
September 11, 2025 at 1:29 PM
vlad-the-impala.bsky.social
And fucked they get…
A reasonable man who loves his dog, empowers women, and mercilessly destroys Nazis
September 9, 2025 at 5:19 PM
vlad-the-impala.bsky.social
A four panel Calvin and Hobbes comic 1. Calvin and Hobbes are in the kitchen. Calvin: Wanna see something weird? 2. Calvin puts a slice of bread in the toaster. Calvin: Watch… You put bread in this slot and push down this lever… 3. They both watch toast fly out of the toaster as it goes "ding". Calvin: Then in a few minutes toast pops up. 4. Hobbes squints into the toaster slot. Hobbes: Wow. Where does the bread go? Calvin: Beats me. Isn't that weird?
September 8, 2025 at 4:37 AM
vlad-the-impala.bsky.social
Barefoot in the meadow
But strangely feeling calm
Tiny blue forget-me-nots
Enchant me with their charm

Lost among the flowers
I didn't seem to mind
So much different from the ward
That I'd left far behind
#vsspic
When I see the "squelch" button on a walkie-talkie, I always imagine bare toes in marshy ground. These tiny flowers may be "baby blue" but I've decided they're forget-me-nots for the poem.
September 6, 2025 at 10:35 PM
vlad-the-impala.bsky.social
Behold the happy spider
As she weaves herself a home
A trap for all the unaware
Who visit her biome

They find they have to tarry there
And visit with the spinner
And, as she's so persuasive,
They'll be sure to stay for dinner

#vsspic
I believe when I weave All the threads so I'm fed And my prey has to stay Come to harm in my arms
August 30, 2025 at 4:40 AM
vlad-the-impala.bsky.social
She met him on the 8:15
And never knew his name
He didn't seemed to notice her
She gladly did the same

She really hopes that he'll be back
Upon tomorrow's train
Sitting by her, on his phone
Ignoring her again

#vsspic
Sitting in the Quiet Coach As happy as can be Happily ignoring you While you're ignoring me Our journey isn't very long I still don't want to chat I know that you're not chatty, too And I'm alright with that
August 25, 2025 at 12:33 AM
vlad-the-impala.bsky.social
Upside down clown Falls on his head Pretends that he meant it But his face is bright red
August 24, 2025 at 4:46 PM
vlad-the-impala.bsky.social
I want to be a dog, I do That's what I'd like to be To bask beneath the midday sun And widdle on a tree
August 13, 2025 at 10:03 PM
vlad-the-impala.bsky.social
I knew we should have shown her "Electro Gonorrhea - The Noisy Killer"
Fry's friends look on, disgusted As he's snogging Lucy Liu Except that she's a robot And that's what disturbs the crew
August 10, 2025 at 1:55 AM
vlad-the-impala.bsky.social
The sign ahead says "Hell", it's true
But Hell is when I'm not with you
The only thing I'd ever fear
Is living life without you here

#vsspic #hell
Welcome to the afterlife I will give you all a moment So even ones who are less bright Can join the rest with this enrolment Some of you were old or sick While some were clearly in their prime But you've all one thing in common: I am afraid this was your time We have measured out your character Examined all your earthly deeds Compared them to each circumstance And matched to your specific needs We have given benefits of doubt Skipped those things we could excuse Then we settled on a judgment And, you guys, it's not good news Before you lie nine massive circles One of which will be your home And you'll find them full of people Dating back as far as Rome And you'll join them in their suffering Your respites, they will be never As you'll suffer for eternity For the slow ones: that's forever
August 9, 2025 at 1:13 AM
vlad-the-impala.bsky.social
Lilo takes a photograph Of a pretty sky She does this several times a day I've never asked her why
August 7, 2025 at 1:22 PM
vlad-the-impala.bsky.social
I like the "but actually" speech
When you joke about a serious issue and somebody writes a full paragraph in the comments, boring your chihuahua to death. That's what I like.
August 7, 2025 at 1:37 AM
vlad-the-impala.bsky.social
Parody of Wonderwall Is hidden in an ad It is funny? Not at all I'd day it it was quite bad
August 2, 2025 at 4:17 PM
vlad-the-impala.bsky.social
Dancing in the woods
Reach up like growing branches
You live each season
Acorn to giant oak tree
Dryad is there for it all
#tanka #acrostic

#vsspic
Wood Nymph in the autumn sun Standing in the glade Watching all the squirrels run In and out of shade Collecting for the wintertime A store from which to feed The Wood Nymph sees them jump and climb They pay her no heed Winter comes, the forest slows Visitors are few Wood Nymph watches, Wood Nymph knows Life will spring anew As the winter turns to spring Summer into fall At the heart of everything Wood Nymph sees it all
July 26, 2025 at 6:16 PM
vlad-the-impala.bsky.social
There is a full size Spitfire
In the Stoke-on-Trent Museum
There's also bits of pottery
The locals come to see 'em

But I prefer the aeroplane
It's massive and it's cool
We used to go and look at it
When we got out of school

The #vssdaily #prompt for 7/24/25 was #museum
A Spitfire based in Hanley In the heart of Stoke-on-Trent Those pilots were so manly When dogfighting they went It's shiny and so beautiful Just like a giant toy I would go and look at it When I was a young boy A pottery museum where Their collection is extensive But don't eat at the cafe there As it's awfully expensive
July 24, 2025 at 12:21 AM
vlad-the-impala.bsky.social
Feel sorry for poor Barney Miller
Whose sitcom turned into a thriller
He's forgone his time
With fun, petty crime
To track down a serial killer
#limreick
1/2

#vsspic
See the brightly colored strings Connecting all the awful things A pattern, gradually observed Justice, we hope, will be served
July 19, 2025 at 5:39 PM
vlad-the-impala.bsky.social
Ethereal sounds
Noises of normal living
Or just some cool synths
#haiku #acrostic

The #vssdaily #prompt for 7/18/25 was #ambient
Brian Eno flips a switch Music happens, soft and rich Ambience is his domain Futuristic and arcane
July 18, 2025 at 12:12 AM
vlad-the-impala.bsky.social
"Y’know, the thing about a squirrel, he’s got lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll’s eyes. When he comes after ya, he doesn’t seem to be livin’ until he bites ya…"
Illustration of a white chihuahua, armed with an assault rifle, riding a great white shark. Boy, that chihuahua looks cool. Looks like a squirrel killer to me.
July 15, 2025 at 4:17 PM