Maybe I'll listen to someone else next year...

Even Brucie. It's terrible. An old man doing an old dance with a woman half his age. Cutting edge for the dangerous nineties.

Politics is now seen as a branch of entertainment. She's doing her job, but that's not exciting enough for the baying idiots with no attention span.

Me too. Thanks for the tip-off mate.

"Here's a counter-offer, you cheap bastards. The price has just gone up 15 grand on the basis that I want a new kitchen in my next house. How do you like it, you cheap bastards."

Basically, unless it's done today, you could conceivably find yourself planning a June wedding to someone you don't like. Try finishing it then, oof. No, November 26th, and to be honest, even that feels very close to Christmas now. You should have done it between Halloween and Remembrance Sunday.

I heard his nickname was Macaulay Culkin. So that's Macaulay Macaulay "Macaulay Culkin" Culkin Culkin.

Of course, that'll work. Thousands of people joining a waiting list for a prison cell because the prisons are full of motorists. Five years after it happened, because of the now enormous court backlogs. And in the meantime, all of them will be driving. No, play it safe, execute them on the spot.

Every couple of days there's someone here offering some variation on the theme of "take their driving licence off them for the slightest thing". Yes, that'd solve it. Definitely. Or, as is more likely, the roads would be filled with unlicensed, uninsured drivers.

Chirrs mate!

I was on a one-stop journey where there was no ticket machine, and it was before widespread online booking. I walked the length of the train for those five minutes, and the ticket collector waited till the doors were about to open, just so I knew he knew. And then he let me off the ticket anyway.

If it's Wednesday, that's enough justification right there for a new guitar purchase. Or Thursday. Or whenever.

Yeah, well she's there to do a serious job like a grown-up. That's the kind of thing I want from ministers. We've tried the goofy clown with the funny messed-up hair approach and it was a disaster.