Veronika Swartz
@veronikaswartz.bsky.social
Actor, Burlesque, Comic, Writer, Hula Hooper, Singer, Fire Breather, Beaverton contributor, Chef, Tarot reader, and 20 cats taped together. She/they
I've been single for so long that someone asked me if I was seeing anyone and I named my therapist.
November 14, 2025 at 2:10 PM
I've been single for so long that someone asked me if I was seeing anyone and I named my therapist.
I'm on this new special diet where you just eat anything you can afford.
November 10, 2025 at 7:28 PM
I'm on this new special diet where you just eat anything you can afford.
I know a lot of us want to see more of this on screen but for now please ask your local librarian for a list of Indigenous horror/folklore/fantasy novels. I promise you will not regret reading a single one.
November 8, 2025 at 9:24 PM
I know a lot of us want to see more of this on screen but for now please ask your local librarian for a list of Indigenous horror/folklore/fantasy novels. I promise you will not regret reading a single one.
Oops I accidentally ruined the workplace by being more qualified than my male boss and all I got for it was this lousy gender gap paycheck.
November 8, 2025 at 1:12 PM
Oops I accidentally ruined the workplace by being more qualified than my male boss and all I got for it was this lousy gender gap paycheck.
I wrote this. Please like me.
November 4, 2025 at 7:34 PM
I wrote this. Please like me.
Hell just got a little more evil.
November 4, 2025 at 12:43 PM
Hell just got a little more evil.
There is no social media in the Bible. If you are Christian you should shout your thoughts from the mountaintop.
October 31, 2025 at 11:21 PM
There is no social media in the Bible. If you are Christian you should shout your thoughts from the mountaintop.
Maga keeps going after Netflix. They are not the only streaming service with queer content for all ages however, they are the only service that didn't pay the "trump tax, (kissing his ass).
October 17, 2025 at 6:22 PM
Maga keeps going after Netflix. They are not the only streaming service with queer content for all ages however, they are the only service that didn't pay the "trump tax, (kissing his ass).
He keeps making things up when we all know that autism was caused by shape-shifting lizard aliens that crashed into the flat earth and mated with Hillary Clinton in the basement of a pizza place.
October 10, 2025 at 4:39 AM
He keeps making things up when we all know that autism was caused by shape-shifting lizard aliens that crashed into the flat earth and mated with Hillary Clinton in the basement of a pizza place.
We are one step closer to George Springer riding a horse topless......Ladies.
October 9, 2025 at 3:14 AM
We are one step closer to George Springer riding a horse topless......Ladies.
"CaNaDiAnS dOn'T kNoW aNyThINg AbOuT bAsEbAlL"
Buddy, we know more about your own country's history than you.
Buddy, we know more about your own country's history than you.
October 6, 2025 at 1:17 AM
"CaNaDiAnS dOn'T kNoW aNyThINg AbOuT bAsEbAlL"
Buddy, we know more about your own country's history than you.
Buddy, we know more about your own country's history than you.
Why should we listen to her anyway? She's a virgin who can't drive.
October 2, 2025 at 11:08 PM
Why should we listen to her anyway? She's a virgin who can't drive.
It's only a little different #Peacemaker #30Rock
September 28, 2025 at 2:41 AM
It's only a little different #Peacemaker #30Rock
🎶 That's bait and I don't need to participate 🎶 Sing it with me now!
September 24, 2025 at 11:46 PM
🎶 That's bait and I don't need to participate 🎶 Sing it with me now!
Men will literally rapture half the population just so they don't have to take care of their kids.
September 23, 2025 at 11:42 PM
Men will literally rapture half the population just so they don't have to take care of their kids.
Me, when I'm telling a story from point B to point F to point A to point J to point A again to point C to point E to point D.
September 23, 2025 at 6:39 PM
Me, when I'm telling a story from point B to point F to point A to point J to point A again to point C to point E to point D.
It's Bi Pride day! Eat my ass, I'm bisexual!
September 23, 2025 at 5:46 PM
It's Bi Pride day! Eat my ass, I'm bisexual!
Have a blessed Mabon, or a happy first day of Fall for those of you who believe in that sort of thing!
September 22, 2025 at 1:25 PM
Have a blessed Mabon, or a happy first day of Fall for those of you who believe in that sort of thing!
The rapture happened at 8:42 this morning. See? You can just say things.
September 21, 2025 at 6:30 PM
The rapture happened at 8:42 this morning. See? You can just say things.
I'm just a silly little guy.
September 19, 2025 at 12:38 AM
I'm just a silly little guy.
All the white male comics that were upset about your Kirk jokes are now upset that Kimmel was cancelled. It's almost as though fascism comes for everyone.
September 18, 2025 at 4:35 AM
All the white male comics that were upset about your Kirk jokes are now upset that Kimmel was cancelled. It's almost as though fascism comes for everyone.
The ADHD in me honors the ADHD in you.
September 11, 2025 at 9:50 PM
The ADHD in me honors the ADHD in you.
Centrists are just 3 right-wingers in a trenchcoat.
September 10, 2025 at 10:41 PM
Centrists are just 3 right-wingers in a trenchcoat.
Charles-Haden Savage admitting to being, "a little gay", made my whole year. Thank you, Only Murders in the Building. We needed you.
September 9, 2025 at 11:17 PM
Charles-Haden Savage admitting to being, "a little gay", made my whole year. Thank you, Only Murders in the Building. We needed you.