With our upcoming trip to Europe less than a week away, it is comforting to know that, no matter what I do, I cannot embarrass my country more than Donold did today at the U.N.

President: "I will have the most epic military parade for my birthday, the likes of which has never been seen."
Staffer: "I don't know, sir. Anwar Sadat had a lit military parade back in '81."
President: "Oh yeah? Well, mine will be like that but a thousand times better!"
Staffer: [Mental facepalm]

Life should be more like a kids' soccer match. When you screw up at work, your colleagues should have to take a knee while your manager comes to your desk in the cubicle farm to check on you.

Fast forward a few months to the news of farmers needing a quarter million replacements for migrant workers. King Doofus will trumpet that he created "over 250,000 new 'black jobs' ripe for the picking."

If confirmed, Gabbard and Patel will inevitably resign their positions when their incompetence becomes a liability to King Doofus' reign. K.D. will declare they failed because they were DEI hires.

I'm betting pineapple slaw will complement our Christmas ham this year.

Opinion | Elon Musk's brilliance starts with letting his lieutenants run the day-to-day of his most valuable properties, whether that's Linda Yaccarino (X), Gwynne Shotwell (SpaceX), or Donald Trump (United States of America).

Since Leon is Donold's new daddy, he's Don Jr.'s granddaddy, right?