Feed cleanser. Anyone else’s pet friend been to meet Santa yet this year? Drop em here, I wanna see em!

Happy Thanksgiving! Wishing you and yours a wonderful holiday with all the fixin’s and fun! 🧡

Introduce yourself as a TV character

Boomeranging from Threads because the doomscrolling is too heavy. Gimme your best politics and pet follow recs and I’ll leave *this as tax.

*apologies for this is my primary content contribution.

I wish video was possible here only so you could feel the sheer magnitude & intensity of this young man trying to stare his way into your soul for a solid 22 seconds.

Imagine you were a vampire nowhere near the Middle East and don’t know who Jesus is but the day after he dies you gotta figure out why lower case t’s started hurting.

Saying 'life sucks' when things go wrong:
- self deprecating
- depressing
- makes you sad

Saying 'Gladis the orca wouldn't want this for me':
- motivating
- makes you think about Gladis the orca
- reminds you that Gladis the orca cares for you

fuck the police

COCKROACHING: A Series
AKA ‘Dong Up’ in this house.

Angel faced hell boy.

my toxic trait is waiting to make a coffee with literally one minute before the meeting starts

I’m primarily here to slap hearts on your funnies & overshare about this guy who is undeniably cooler than me. Not so secretly🤞🏻that this evolves into a sickeningly cute pet thread.

And there I was, at 21, broken that I'd never hear my sister laugh again. I held her limp hand, my eyes playing cruel tricks as I swore I saw her breathe. In that moment, all I could think about was the lava cake we'd bake together. For this recipe, you'll need a double boiler.

Excuse me? Yes, I would like to order another weekend for everyone here. Yes, right now. Thank you! 👋

When sending your “happy mother’s day“ text tomorrow don’t forget to use the “slam” effect on your phone so she knows you mean it.

TGIF vibes from a professional freeloader.

we cant change the past, but our future is unwritten. life gives us few opportunities to begin anew - but we are all sharing such a moment. right now. we can be whomever we want. we can be more. we can be better

what i’m trying to say is, nobody has to do the “it’s gonna be May” joke on this app

Breaking this account in with a pupper pic.