t.j. peters
@tjpeters.bsky.social
Writer. Lefty solidarity. Cats named Bonecrusher and Refrigerator Purry.
As a Bears fan, complaining about the McCaskeys is akin to breathing. But it's underappreciated that the Bears are a family business, and one that had a woman at the head of the table for over 4 decades. RIP Virginia McCaskey. Please tell Lombardi that we slapped their asses in Week 18.
February 6, 2025 at 6:06 PM
As a Bears fan, complaining about the McCaskeys is akin to breathing. But it's underappreciated that the Bears are a family business, and one that had a woman at the head of the table for over 4 decades. RIP Virginia McCaskey. Please tell Lombardi that we slapped their asses in Week 18.
We rushed so quickly to coin the term "broligarch" that we walked right past the more hurtful and accurate "oligeek."
January 29, 2025 at 10:47 PM
We rushed so quickly to coin the term "broligarch" that we walked right past the more hurtful and accurate "oligeek."
Maybe we've been thinking about the RFK Jr. brain worm all wrong. What if this whole time his head has actually been a bottle of cheap tequila?
January 29, 2025 at 10:37 PM
Maybe we've been thinking about the RFK Jr. brain worm all wrong. What if this whole time his head has actually been a bottle of cheap tequila?
There will be Luigi Mangione copycat killers. And every single time one emerges we'll end up saying, "That's closer to what I was picturing."
December 13, 2024 at 1:48 AM
There will be Luigi Mangione copycat killers. And every single time one emerges we'll end up saying, "That's closer to what I was picturing."
We should change the eligibility criteria for President every election cycle.
2024: no olds
2028: no uggos
2032: mad lads/lasses only
2036: monosyllabic first and last name (ex. Maude Crumb)
2040: 5'9"
etc.
2024: no olds
2028: no uggos
2032: mad lads/lasses only
2036: monosyllabic first and last name (ex. Maude Crumb)
2040: 5'9"
etc.
January 20, 2024 at 11:16 PM
We should change the eligibility criteria for President every election cycle.
2024: no olds
2028: no uggos
2032: mad lads/lasses only
2036: monosyllabic first and last name (ex. Maude Crumb)
2040: 5'9"
etc.
2024: no olds
2028: no uggos
2032: mad lads/lasses only
2036: monosyllabic first and last name (ex. Maude Crumb)
2040: 5'9"
etc.
Listening to Oola Moonk speak in cryptic parable for a whole season and only realizing that he is "a man" when he says "A man is grateful" is one of the greatest dialogue stunts of all time. Noah Hawley is a fucking genius and Fargo S5 is a masterpiece.
January 19, 2024 at 4:42 AM
Listening to Oola Moonk speak in cryptic parable for a whole season and only realizing that he is "a man" when he says "A man is grateful" is one of the greatest dialogue stunts of all time. Noah Hawley is a fucking genius and Fargo S5 is a masterpiece.
Kevin Spacey should do a Christmas Eve video in a homemade costume as Hopper from A Bug's Life from Alex Jones's pegging room.
December 25, 2023 at 1:11 AM
Kevin Spacey should do a Christmas Eve video in a homemade costume as Hopper from A Bug's Life from Alex Jones's pegging room.
Sure, the trial is memorable, but if you want to talk about the legal system in "Miracle on 34th St," let's focus on how Santa allegedly hits a guy with his cane and they lock him up in a padded room at Bellevue overnight.
December 23, 2023 at 7:54 PM
Sure, the trial is memorable, but if you want to talk about the legal system in "Miracle on 34th St," let's focus on how Santa allegedly hits a guy with his cane and they lock him up in a padded room at Bellevue overnight.
I'm sure this is just a coincidence.
December 20, 2023 at 5:27 AM
I'm sure this is just a coincidence.
The line to piss on Kissinger's grave is gonna be like Hands Across America.
November 30, 2023 at 2:29 AM
The line to piss on Kissinger's grave is gonna be like Hands Across America.
I didn't know how much I wanted this.
November 30, 2023 at 2:15 AM
I didn't know how much I wanted this.
Reposted by t.j. peters
Honored to write the Rolling Stone obituary for the worst American of the post-World War II era. Rot in piss
Henry Kissinger, War Criminal Beloved by America’s Ruling Class, Finally Dies
Henry Kissinger has died at age 100, his consulting firm said in a statement on Wednesday.
www.rollingstone.com
November 30, 2023 at 1:59 AM
Honored to write the Rolling Stone obituary for the worst American of the post-World War II era. Rot in piss
Maybe instead of focusing on the Harbaugh sign stealing controversy, college football should take the giant leap into the 20th century.
November 11, 2023 at 8:46 PM
Maybe instead of focusing on the Harbaugh sign stealing controversy, college football should take the giant leap into the 20th century.
This only makes sense if you cast wine-drunk, AI Orson Welles and the film is titled "Citizen Bane."
variety.com/2023/film/ne...
variety.com/2023/film/ne...
November 10, 2023 at 4:46 PM
This only makes sense if you cast wine-drunk, AI Orson Welles and the film is titled "Citizen Bane."
variety.com/2023/film/ne...
variety.com/2023/film/ne...
I honestly hope they keep making Inside Out movies so that by the fourth or fifth one Riley is in her 30s and she has emotions like Existential Dread and Wine.
November 9, 2023 at 4:34 PM
I honestly hope they keep making Inside Out movies so that by the fourth or fifth one Riley is in her 30s and she has emotions like Existential Dread and Wine.
Call me controversial, but I think I've officially decided that I like the "cute pets doing cute stuff" side of social media more than the "let's keep score of who is a Zionist versus who is a Hamas sympathizer" side.
November 7, 2023 at 6:39 PM
Call me controversial, but I think I've officially decided that I like the "cute pets doing cute stuff" side of social media more than the "let's keep score of who is a Zionist versus who is a Hamas sympathizer" side.
The idea of eating a full size Crunch bar sounds insane to me but by the end of the weekend the cops will need a backhoe to excavate my body from the pile snack size wrappers my chocolatey corpse is buried under.
November 3, 2023 at 10:16 PM
The idea of eating a full size Crunch bar sounds insane to me but by the end of the weekend the cops will need a backhoe to excavate my body from the pile snack size wrappers my chocolatey corpse is buried under.
HEADLINE: "Fake Bank Man Bankman-Fried Fried At Trial For Bunk Financials"
November 3, 2023 at 12:52 AM
HEADLINE: "Fake Bank Man Bankman-Fried Fried At Trial For Bunk Financials"
Eminem has a great beard. He's had it more often than not for years now. At this point, Bearded Eminem is more his identity than the fresh-faced, towheaded version we grew up with.
But still, every time I see him, I kind of see this.
But still, every time I see him, I kind of see this.
October 28, 2023 at 7:56 PM
Eminem has a great beard. He's had it more often than not for years now. At this point, Bearded Eminem is more his identity than the fresh-faced, towheaded version we grew up with.
But still, every time I see him, I kind of see this.
But still, every time I see him, I kind of see this.
My neighbors got a gate alarm that makes the exact chime you hear any time you enter a 7-11. If they don't start selling Funyuns soon I'm gonna burn their house down.
October 28, 2023 at 1:04 AM
My neighbors got a gate alarm that makes the exact chime you hear any time you enter a 7-11. If they don't start selling Funyuns soon I'm gonna burn their house down.
How does that Thanksgiving horror movie not already have 12 sequels and an origin story reboot featuring a turkey?
October 25, 2023 at 4:24 PM
How does that Thanksgiving horror movie not already have 12 sequels and an origin story reboot featuring a turkey?
I've only been on here for a day and I already got all the major food groups.
October 25, 2023 at 4:53 AM
I've only been on here for a day and I already got all the major food groups.
A friend asked me earlier today if I thought I could fight off 100 geese.
My answer, in full:
My answer, in full:
October 25, 2023 at 2:00 AM
A friend asked me earlier today if I thought I could fight off 100 geese.
My answer, in full:
My answer, in full: