Laverne Onions
@tinypinecones.bsky.social
Nobody you know, but not in a bad way.
Adult ketchup enthusiast. (they/them)
Adult ketchup enthusiast. (they/them)
It's fun to imagine otherwise, but realistically I don't think I would get along with most apes. A chimpanzee and I would not be on good terms.
November 25, 2025 at 2:33 PM
It's fun to imagine otherwise, but realistically I don't think I would get along with most apes. A chimpanzee and I would not be on good terms.
Pearls before swine: that'll do fine.
Swine before pearls: not so fast, girls.
Swine before pearls: not so fast, girls.
November 22, 2025 at 1:37 PM
Pearls before swine: that'll do fine.
Swine before pearls: not so fast, girls.
Swine before pearls: not so fast, girls.
Thinking of becoming one of those benignly catty gay men who call people by the long version of their first names. Could be fun for a bit.
November 4, 2025 at 1:27 PM
Thinking of becoming one of those benignly catty gay men who call people by the long version of their first names. Could be fun for a bit.
I recognize that I'm the annoying one when I correct someone who calls the comic strip “Charlie Brown” instead of “Peanuts.” They're in the right. Nobody cares that it's named Peanuts. It shouldn't be named that!
October 24, 2025 at 2:31 PM
I recognize that I'm the annoying one when I correct someone who calls the comic strip “Charlie Brown” instead of “Peanuts.” They're in the right. Nobody cares that it's named Peanuts. It shouldn't be named that!
Memento mori? You think I'm not already up mement-ing my own mori all day and night? That I need a little oil painting of an hour glass and a skull just in case? The world is on fire. I'll mind my mori on my own time.
October 20, 2025 at 12:02 PM
Memento mori? You think I'm not already up mement-ing my own mori all day and night? That I need a little oil painting of an hour glass and a skull just in case? The world is on fire. I'll mind my mori on my own time.
The beginning of a new relationship where I'm really banking on the other person not having access to any of the social media I'm freely recycling my own jokes from as though they just came to me in the moment.
October 2, 2025 at 3:11 AM
The beginning of a new relationship where I'm really banking on the other person not having access to any of the social media I'm freely recycling my own jokes from as though they just came to me in the moment.
Forty-one doesn't feel particularly old to me. But I have caught myself genuinely expressing aloud thoughts like “they should make driving at night easier!” So, I don't know. I could probably use some outside perspective on this.
October 1, 2025 at 2:09 AM
Forty-one doesn't feel particularly old to me. But I have caught myself genuinely expressing aloud thoughts like “they should make driving at night easier!” So, I don't know. I could probably use some outside perspective on this.
Oh!! I...uhh, sorry! I didn't know anyone was in here.
September 26, 2025 at 9:56 PM
Oh!! I...uhh, sorry! I didn't know anyone was in here.
I'm not allowed to call when the top of the can I'm drinking from smells a little weird "a life-ruining experience" anymore.
September 18, 2025 at 4:11 PM
I'm not allowed to call when the top of the can I'm drinking from smells a little weird "a life-ruining experience" anymore.
My only complaint will be there's no possible way he suffered enough during it.
August 30, 2025 at 12:35 PM
My only complaint will be there's no possible way he suffered enough during it.
Champaign for my real friends. My sham friends? Well, let's just say my sham friends are going to get *quite* the surprise when they discover the nature of their reward…
August 27, 2025 at 11:45 PM
Champaign for my real friends. My sham friends? Well, let's just say my sham friends are going to get *quite* the surprise when they discover the nature of their reward…
There's nothing wrong with referring to masturbation as "doing your business" with the same uninspired regularity as a dog being let outside to pee. I've heard a lot of cool people do exactly this, in fact.
August 19, 2025 at 11:44 PM
There's nothing wrong with referring to masturbation as "doing your business" with the same uninspired regularity as a dog being let outside to pee. I've heard a lot of cool people do exactly this, in fact.
I'm sorry, but these can't both be called gondolas. Someone should have sorted this out by now.
August 16, 2025 at 2:01 AM
I'm sorry, but these can't both be called gondolas. Someone should have sorted this out by now.
Hair havers don't know the big bald secret that the crown of your head is the smoothest, most youthful looking part of you. All your body's skin hangs down from it like a towel draped over a birdcage.
August 11, 2025 at 4:17 PM
Hair havers don't know the big bald secret that the crown of your head is the smoothest, most youthful looking part of you. All your body's skin hangs down from it like a towel draped over a birdcage.
Slurpee straws are a joke. I've never had that little spoon at the end help me do shit.
August 8, 2025 at 4:50 PM
Slurpee straws are a joke. I've never had that little spoon at the end help me do shit.
Red Hot Chibi Peppers
August 6, 2025 at 1:40 PM
Red Hot Chibi Peppers
Okay, I'm officially done with being unpopular. Ready for everyone to like me in spite of my many shortcomings now.
July 28, 2025 at 10:19 PM
Okay, I'm officially done with being unpopular. Ready for everyone to like me in spite of my many shortcomings now.
Just circling back on that frequency, Kenneth.
July 26, 2025 at 3:16 PM
Just circling back on that frequency, Kenneth.
I believe that after long enough out of popular use certain words should be stripped of their sexual connotations. For example: spunk. Nobody calls semen "spunk" anymore. It should have that expunged from its record and be integrated back into the lexicon.
July 13, 2025 at 12:43 PM
I believe that after long enough out of popular use certain words should be stripped of their sexual connotations. For example: spunk. Nobody calls semen "spunk" anymore. It should have that expunged from its record and be integrated back into the lexicon.
Am I ruffling any feathers by calling New Zealand “Australia's Canada” or would everyone involved pretty much shrug and say “yeah, I guess.”
July 12, 2025 at 1:32 AM
Am I ruffling any feathers by calling New Zealand “Australia's Canada” or would everyone involved pretty much shrug and say “yeah, I guess.”
Reposted by Laverne Onions
Don McLean: Drove my Chevy to the levee…
Me (grinning while concealing an enormous levee-drying device): Then what happened?
Me (grinning while concealing an enormous levee-drying device): Then what happened?
July 2, 2025 at 5:30 PM
Don McLean: Drove my Chevy to the levee…
Me (grinning while concealing an enormous levee-drying device): Then what happened?
Me (grinning while concealing an enormous levee-drying device): Then what happened?
Marge and Homer Symptoms
July 1, 2025 at 1:39 PM
Marge and Homer Symptoms