Leslie Gaar
@thelesliegaar.bsky.social
Performer. Writer. Serial plant killer.
Austin, TX
@mcsweeneys @WashingtonPost @BuzzFeed @TODAYParents @JimHensonCo
Austin, TX
@mcsweeneys @WashingtonPost @BuzzFeed @TODAYParents @JimHensonCo
When my kid eats the ice cream I’d hidden under the frozen vegetables
November 20, 2025 at 6:55 PM
When my kid eats the ice cream I’d hidden under the frozen vegetables
Inspirational post: May you have the confidence of the man with the most punchable face in politics, launching a presidential campaign no one wants
November 17, 2025 at 10:48 PM
Inspirational post: May you have the confidence of the man with the most punchable face in politics, launching a presidential campaign no one wants
She couldn’t really give you an opinion about what’s been going on guys, she hasn’t been following the news lately.
November 14, 2025 at 3:32 AM
She couldn’t really give you an opinion about what’s been going on guys, she hasn’t been following the news lately.
A trillion dollars can buy a lot of salve, but it still won’t be enough for this burn.
November 11, 2025 at 6:04 PM
A trillion dollars can buy a lot of salve, but it still won’t be enough for this burn.
I have a working theory that he capitalizes Unnecessary Words when he knows he’s lying and is trying extra hard to sell his bullshit.
November 11, 2025 at 12:02 AM
I have a working theory that he capitalizes Unnecessary Words when he knows he’s lying and is trying extra hard to sell his bullshit.
Serve it with anything crunchy, like potato chips, or the charred remains of our journalistic integrity.
November 10, 2025 at 4:46 PM
Serve it with anything crunchy, like potato chips, or the charred remains of our journalistic integrity.
Ladies, don’t forget it’s work from home Friday, so today you can just fuck shit up there instead of at the office.
November 7, 2025 at 3:41 PM
Ladies, don’t forget it’s work from home Friday, so today you can just fuck shit up there instead of at the office.
Me, determined to enjoy my alone time while my kids are burning the house down
November 7, 2025 at 1:00 AM
Me, determined to enjoy my alone time while my kids are burning the house down
I couldn’t help but wonder- would I have to start faking medical emergencies to get the attention I deserve?
November 6, 2025 at 8:05 PM
I couldn’t help but wonder- would I have to start faking medical emergencies to get the attention I deserve?
Why wouldn’t you unironically throw a Great Gatsby party when it has such a happy ending? 🥰
November 1, 2025 at 8:13 PM
Why wouldn’t you unironically throw a Great Gatsby party when it has such a happy ending? 🥰
I hate gay Halloween because what do you mean you’re the corn chowder Andy spilled on her poly-blend sweater on her first day at Runway
October 29, 2025 at 6:03 PM
I hate gay Halloween because what do you mean you’re the corn chowder Andy spilled on her poly-blend sweater on her first day at Runway
Somebody’s drag name needs work
October 29, 2025 at 3:41 PM
Somebody’s drag name needs work
I hate gay Halloween because what do you mean you’re number 17 from Velma and Veronica Kelly’s double act- The Spread Eagle
October 29, 2025 at 2:01 PM
I hate gay Halloween because what do you mean you’re number 17 from Velma and Veronica Kelly’s double act- The Spread Eagle
Hot damn! I wrote an essay inspired by my Louvre thief post and @mcsweeneys.net picked it up! (This is a big deal for humor writers and pretty much no one else. 😂)
Check it out at the link in the comments!
Check it out at the link in the comments!
October 23, 2025 at 2:11 AM
Hot damn! I wrote an essay inspired by my Louvre thief post and @mcsweeneys.net picked it up! (This is a big deal for humor writers and pretty much no one else. 😂)
Check it out at the link in the comments!
Check it out at the link in the comments!
7 million people coming together to joyfully, peacefully say that, in spite of it all, they are not afraid, reminds me of this scene.
Don’t let anyone tell you it doesn’t matter.
Don’t let anyone tell you it doesn’t matter.
October 19, 2025 at 4:10 AM
7 million people coming together to joyfully, peacefully say that, in spite of it all, they are not afraid, reminds me of this scene.
Don’t let anyone tell you it doesn’t matter.
Don’t let anyone tell you it doesn’t matter.
The Brokeback Mountain remake looks amazing 🤩
October 16, 2025 at 6:23 PM
The Brokeback Mountain remake looks amazing 🤩
• 6’5”
• Legs for days
• Perpetually erect
• Legs for days
• Perpetually erect
October 11, 2025 at 5:07 PM
• 6’5”
• Legs for days
• Perpetually erect
• Legs for days
• Perpetually erect
The infuriating predictability of a man stealing this, of all posts, from me
September 3, 2025 at 8:52 PM
The infuriating predictability of a man stealing this, of all posts, from me
Oh you shared the words you stole from me here, too? How gross.
September 3, 2025 at 8:50 PM
Oh you shared the words you stole from me here, too? How gross.
Look, if the worst happens at least they should be well within the return window to take this stuff back to Hobby Lobby. Call it a gold lining.
September 2, 2025 at 4:18 AM
Look, if the worst happens at least they should be well within the return window to take this stuff back to Hobby Lobby. Call it a gold lining.
I spent every weekend of my high school freshman year at my friend’s house watching Dirty Dancing. Fast forward [redacted] years and I’m rewatching it to write a parody epilogue for @thenovelizers podcast! (The dancing was as dirty as ever).
July 21, 2025 at 6:36 PM
I spent every weekend of my high school freshman year at my friend’s house watching Dirty Dancing. Fast forward [redacted] years and I’m rewatching it to write a parody epilogue for @thenovelizers podcast! (The dancing was as dirty as ever).
There’s nothing wrong with chefs heating up and serving Lean Cuisines in their restaurants. Especially if the only thing standing in the way of being a chef is your inability to cook.
June 26, 2025 at 5:04 PM
There’s nothing wrong with chefs heating up and serving Lean Cuisines in their restaurants. Especially if the only thing standing in the way of being a chef is your inability to cook.
Me to my dog when he gets one of my shoes
June 24, 2025 at 2:57 PM
Me to my dog when he gets one of my shoes
What people think will happen the second the 3.5% rule is met
June 17, 2025 at 10:17 PM
What people think will happen the second the 3.5% rule is met
Austin, TX turned out for today’s No Kings Rally! ✊✊✊
June 15, 2025 at 2:29 AM
Austin, TX turned out for today’s No Kings Rally! ✊✊✊