David Jacob
@theillustriousd.bsky.social
My mom thinks I hang pictures well.
I’m quitting this app. Too many guys named Rob and Steve.
November 29, 2025 at 1:19 PM
I’m quitting this app. Too many guys named Rob and Steve.
Reposted by David Jacob
Normal person’s brain: stock market, budgets, meal planning, politics, climate change
My brain: what if we remade Dreamgirls and The Hunger Games, but swapped Effies and said nothing
My brain: what if we remade Dreamgirls and The Hunger Games, but swapped Effies and said nothing
November 26, 2025 at 5:08 PM
Normal person’s brain: stock market, budgets, meal planning, politics, climate change
My brain: what if we remade Dreamgirls and The Hunger Games, but swapped Effies and said nothing
My brain: what if we remade Dreamgirls and The Hunger Games, but swapped Effies and said nothing
One Wonderful Night dares to ask the question: “What if Wicked was worse?”
November 7, 2025 at 1:35 AM
One Wonderful Night dares to ask the question: “What if Wicked was worse?”
Housekeeping didn’t leave a little chocolate today, and it’s like, what did I do wrong?
October 27, 2025 at 8:46 PM
Housekeeping didn’t leave a little chocolate today, and it’s like, what did I do wrong?
Gotta love how every time she releases a shit album and her fans know it, their only retort is that no one else gets people talking the way she does. Like, OK? You know who else got people talking? THE NAZ-….
October 3, 2025 at 7:37 PM
Gotta love how every time she releases a shit album and her fans know it, their only retort is that no one else gets people talking the way she does. Like, OK? You know who else got people talking? THE NAZ-….
Coming out as someone of non-roommate experience. 🙏🏻
October 1, 2025 at 5:59 PM
Coming out as someone of non-roommate experience. 🙏🏻
“Isn’t it amazing how beautiful it still is outside? And it’s almost October!” -every Midwest Boomer on climate change
September 30, 2025 at 10:05 PM
“Isn’t it amazing how beautiful it still is outside? And it’s almost October!” -every Midwest Boomer on climate change
I should really be invited to more castles.
September 9, 2025 at 1:13 PM
I should really be invited to more castles.
I need Meghann Fahy, Uma Thurman and Michelle Pfeiffer in a multigenerational romcom STAT.
August 27, 2025 at 1:40 AM
I need Meghann Fahy, Uma Thurman and Michelle Pfeiffer in a multigenerational romcom STAT.
We gotta retire “freak flag fly.” There’s a stutter every time. We tried. It’s over.
August 21, 2025 at 5:06 AM
We gotta retire “freak flag fly.” There’s a stutter every time. We tried. It’s over.
My teddy bear is kinda needy tbh
June 30, 2025 at 9:04 PM
My teddy bear is kinda needy tbh
I wish otters were real 😢
June 29, 2025 at 6:59 PM
I wish otters were real 😢
One of the best things I ever did for my menty H was curate an online presence that includes not a soul I know in real life.
June 25, 2025 at 5:23 PM
One of the best things I ever did for my menty H was curate an online presence that includes not a soul I know in real life.
Reposted by David Jacob
There is a type of person who wants to get consoled 24/7, but does not want to take any action to improve their lives in a meaningful way. They do not make for very good friends.
June 17, 2025 at 8:21 PM
There is a type of person who wants to get consoled 24/7, but does not want to take any action to improve their lives in a meaningful way. They do not make for very good friends.
The most basic girl you know:
June 1, 2025 at 5:52 AM
The most basic girl you know:
Do you think the guys in porn love each other a lot or just a little?
May 11, 2025 at 10:25 PM
Do you think the guys in porn love each other a lot or just a little?
No one has more confidence than an ugly guy with a big dick.
April 13, 2025 at 3:21 PM
No one has more confidence than an ugly guy with a big dick.
Know what’s fun? Lying
April 11, 2025 at 6:40 PM
Know what’s fun? Lying
I’m at that annoying part of a new relationship where I want to send, screenshots of our conversations to all my friends because we’re so hilarious. I don’t because I’m not a monster. But I want to.
April 7, 2025 at 8:45 PM
I’m at that annoying part of a new relationship where I want to send, screenshots of our conversations to all my friends because we’re so hilarious. I don’t because I’m not a monster. But I want to.
Hey, anyone know if MomTok survived this?
April 2, 2025 at 1:37 PM
Hey, anyone know if MomTok survived this?
My boyfriend thinks I’m fat and that’s okay
March 31, 2025 at 6:37 PM
My boyfriend thinks I’m fat and that’s okay
Born to grind. Destined to date men with hideous statement earrings
March 21, 2025 at 11:07 PM
Born to grind. Destined to date men with hideous statement earrings
Reposted by David Jacob
are any of us horny or do we just crave a break from depression
March 12, 2025 at 6:31 PM
are any of us horny or do we just crave a break from depression
Reposted by David Jacob
a tv commercial should be called a shadow cuz there is an ad right in the middle of the show
January 9, 2024 at 5:12 PM
a tv commercial should be called a shadow cuz there is an ad right in the middle of the show